The Arkanssouri Blog.: 12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006

Friday, December 30, 2005

And now, the 2005 Arkies...

Arkanssouri's Enemy of Liberty Award for 2005 goes to: The City of New London, Connecticut.

Our 2005 Friend of Liberty Award goes to: The Institute for Justice and The Castle Coalition.

Our True Colors Award for the year goes to this quote from Senator Santorum, revealing that Republicans are just as much anti-liberty as Democrats.

This whole idea of personal autonomy, well I don't think most conservatives hold that point of view. Some do. They have this idea that people should be left alone, be able to do whatever they want to do, government should keep our taxes down and keep our regulations low, that we shouldn't get involved in the bedroom, we shouldn't get involved in cultural issues. You know, people should do whatever they want. Well, that is not how traditional conservatives view the world and I think most conservatives understand that individuals can't go it alone.

Our Blame Everyone Else Award goes to New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin and his empty schoolbuses.

And finally, our Pterodactyls-Over-Baghdad/Dude's-Gone-Totally-Apeshit Award for the year goes to Russell Honore for this little psychotic episode and for the fact that, even when not talking on a walkie-talkie, he ends every statement with the word "Over." In fact, I may have to rename the award next year to the Apocalypse Honore Award.

I will see you fine folks in the new year. Peace out.

Online ebay-type "police auction" here.

Too bad none of the sellers are close to me. I could really use another former police car.

Can you imagine Jihad Cindy's reaction,

or Sheila Jackson-Lee's, upon receiving their copies?

Sadly, I have a feeling that this gesture will fly entirely above ALL their heads. It won't fly as high as a copy of, say, Atlas Shrugged or Common Sense, but it WILL fly high enough that it will be well above all their heads.

Except, of course, The Nice Man's.

But then, he GETS it and doesn't NEED a copy. Maybe we could send him copies of The Prince, The Art of War, and Beyond Good and Evil instead. That might help him learn how to get his ideas actually enacted.

Ben Franklin would vomit . . .

. . . if he read this.

It is our liberty that the terrorists hate. If we surrender that liberty, the terrorists have won. And we will have done it to ourselves.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

But what happens to those who are already there?

Vatican considers closing limbo.

To our friends in the 51st state...

Happy Holy Innocents' Day.

Everyone is guilty; especially the innocent.

The Oscillating Menace.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

There's sins of omission . . .

. . . and there's sins of commission.

Get out your nipple clamps and your Pop Rocks, people, 'cuz today's the day for sins of commission!

Happy Commission Holiday, folks!

Shaq mammoth or King Kong mammoth?

Misinterpretable headline of the week:

Mammoth man apprehended at White House.

Free stuff for teachers!

I found this last week --

The Ayn Rand Institute is giving out free classroom sets of Anthem and The Fountainhead for teachers to use in their classrooms.

If you're a teacher, get it. If you know a teacher, pass this on to them.

Hey, if the left can indoctrinate them beginning in kindergarten that "Sharing" is a value, then we should at least be able to offer a counter viewpoint to them.

And now a public service announcement.

Originally uploaded by Arkanssouri.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

But one last mental exercise . . .

Suppose Fiona Apple has a male child out of wedlock. Let's call him Jim. Jim Apple.

Now suppose Jim Apple grows up and marries Apple Paltrow, who would then become Apple Apple.

But then they get divorced, but Apple keeps the last name.

Then she marries Bobby Beauxbapple, but hyphenates the last name.

To Apple Apple-Beauxbapple.

But again, she divorces. This time she goes back to being Apple Paltrow.

But not for long. For she has met the man of her dreams, marries him, and takes his last name. No hyphens, no keeping her maiden name. She's fully committed to this relationship, so she takes only his last name.

His first name is Joey.

His last name is Macintosh.

And Mrs. Apple Macintosh, oddly enough, goes to work for IBM.


Whoever put the winter solstice on the shortest (grayest, dreariest) day of the year is guilty of poor planning.

I am depressed and highly resembling a slug, and I won't be getting any better for awhile now. Usually, this time of year I can Outdark the Darkness, but it's not working so good this time. I've even got my Christmas Death Shirt on, and I still grog about.

So the best thing for me to do is hibernate for a week or so. Sorry, guys. I gotta take a Mental Health Week.

The library will be closed for Boxing Day, but I'll try and check in at least once between Boxing Day and New Years.

In the meantime, I wish you all a Festive Solstice

and a Mirthful Boxing Day.

For my Christian readers, Merry Boxing Day Eve.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Is this covered under McCain-Feingold?

Would switching an image to which people are (without permission) hotlinking to a campaign message be considered political speech?

Something, oh let's say, like this -- ?

How would one classify this? A campaign expense? There's no expense TO it. I mean, it's not like I'm donating a book of stamps to the Libertarians for a mass mailing.

Or is it?


To: you
From: Me
Re: The Undead.

Once they've succeeded in eating the brains of every living human, what do zombies then eat?

Do they go for animal brains, and if so, what do they do when THOSE run out? And do they have to worry about mad cow disease?

If a zombie eats the brain of another zombie, does he turn human? What happens if a zombie eats the brain of a vampire, or a vampire sucks the blood of a zombie?

And if a human bites a vampire, does it turn the vampire human? What if a vampire bites a vampire?

These are the questions which vex me this time of year. I wish the damn solstice would hurry it's ass up.

So I'm a little late to the party . . .

. . . but my suggestion for how New Orleans should deal with the jackbooted little burg of Gretna is this --

Every year, on the three-day-long anniversary of the event, New Orleans should close all of it's roads into and out of Gretna to everything but emergency vehicles. And do this every year. Forever.

And convince the state of Louisiana to do the same.

If you want to voice your opinion to the city of Gretna, here is an email addy:

[Mr. Hanna posted his thoughts on the town here.]

Never cheered so hard for the Chargers in my life . . .

. . . as I did yesterday.

Here's why.

True, the Chargers may be salivating over land that isn't theirs at some point in the future, but they're not there yet. The Koltskis are.

Evil must be defeated, even if only temporarily. And yesterday, the Chargers defeated it.

Get out the ketamine and the copy of Kramer vs. Kramer . . .

. . . it's Separation Day!

Hooray separation!

Saturday, December 17, 2005


Break out the gaucho pants and the disco ball, folks; today is Special Holiday Western Province!

Unfortunately, I will not be joining in the glamorous Special Holiday Western Province festivities; for I am still sick.

I need a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup and a glass of milk. A RPBC and a glass of milk makes everything better. When out of RPBC's, though, a Ding-Dong makes an adequate substitution.

There's nothing like a wet Ding-Dong in your mouth to brighten your day.

Maybe I'll see you Tuesday. Or, rather, maybe you'll see me Tuesday. Or maybe I'll be dead and the maggots will be feasting upon my flesh.

Drowning alone, I gasp for air.
Coldness creeps over pale skin.
There is sadness so deep it pulls me down
Happiness dies in a deep, dark sea.

- Henrietta, in the South Park Raisins episode.

Yes, I am SUCH a whiner when I am sick.

But the fevered hallucinations can be fun, like the one where my Dad came back and explained that he was not dead at all. He just left us for his new girlfriend, who is apparently a teacher at Mammoth Spring. We just THOUGHT he died eight years ago. But instead, he just ABANDONED us. Yeah, that makes it MUCH better, pop.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

So, I'm off . . .

. . . to wallow in my own crudulence. Maybe I'll be better Saturday and can blog then.

If it kills me, however, I want to wish you all happy holidays.

And for you wankers who object to me saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas," you just shut your gob or I'll go all "Season's Greetings" on your ass.

P.S. -- Turn on the lava lamp and crank up the Rush music; it's Unduvap Full Moon Poya Day! Happy Unduvap Full Moon Poya Day, all!

Excellent holiday display.

Story here.

Nearly random quote of the day...

... comes from this blog entry about my new favorite Xmas archetype.

"Black Peter takes all the bad children of the world and "beats their flesh into
cookies", which he then forces other children to eat.... "

Since when . . .

. . . does "official" mean "mandatory?"

And since when does "English first" mean "English ONLY"?

Student suspended for holding private conversation in Spanish.

Done swatting. For now. Almost.

I swatted some of the most imminent and gigantic mosquitoes, shooed some others away temporarily, and am left with one that I will deal with Monday.

The problem now is that I am sick with the creeping crud.

Hopefully my incrudulence will alleviate itself by Saturday so I can do some catching up here in the blogosphere.

Monday, December 12, 2005

We're off to swat the Wizard . . .

. . . so no posts at least tomorrow. Maybe even after that.

So once again I leave you with a question.

Who's hotter?

Rahm Emanuel


Emmanuel Lewis.

Mammoth Spring gains national attention.

The last time I saw the man who talked to the man who wasn't there about a car that wasn't there, I noticed his appearance had changed a bit, with his face becoming more rounded and kind of piggish-looking. He was in a convenience store, pestering some poor chap who was trying to fill out an application, telling him that it'd be better to fill out an application at a car dealership. Over and over again.

When I heard about the Chelsea stalker from Mammoth Spring, who jumped over the fence at the White House, I thought maybe it was Imaginary Man's Friend. But a quick Newsgoogle came up with a picture of the guy, and it wasn't him.

It was yet another bizarre local. One I have somehow not encountered yet. And, if his shirt is any indication, he has psychic powers.

Closeup of the shirt logo,

revealing the acronym for

"Extrasensory Perception."

Friday, December 09, 2005

We interrupt our regularly-scheduled mosquito-swatting . . .

. . . to bring you a chance to keep Hit & Run in first place in the contest for Best Group Blog of the '05 Weblog Awards.

Spread the word.

We now return to our regularly-scheduled swatting.

See John Swat.

Off to swat more skeeters. See you when I can.

In Mississippi . . .

. . . defending yourself, your family, and your home against unidentified intruders is a capital offense.

Agitator summary:

Let's summarize: Cops mistakenly break down the door of a sleeping man, late at night, as part of drug raid. Turns out, the man wasn't named in the warrant, and wasn't a suspect. The man, frigthened for himself and his 18-month old daughter, fires at an intruder who jumps into his bedroom after the door's been kicked in. Turns out that the man, who is black, has killed the white son of the town's police chief. He's later convicted and sentenced to death by a white jury. The man has no criminal record, and police rather tellingly changed their story about drugs (rather, traces of drugs) in his possession at the time of the raid.

If EVER there was a case truly deserving of a pardon, this is it. Here is the contact information (without an email address, which I can't seem to find) for Mississippi governor Haley Barbour, so you can ask him to do it:

Governor Haley Barbour
P.O. Box 139
Jackson, MS 39205
Phone: 601.359.3150
Fax: 601.359.3741
501 N. West Street
Governor's Office
15th FloorJackson, MS 39201

And CNN keeps crying about poor ACTUAL MURDERERS Mumia and Tookie? Where is their coverage of THIS?

[Update: Akira MacKenzie explains the Mumiatookiphilia and CoryMayephobia as well if not better than I could in the comments section of this Hit & Run piece.

I'm sure they wouldn't want to see this guy dead anymore than Tookie or Mumia.
However, like all political movements, you have to know your audience. The
former were oppressed by the white, male, capitalist power structure, so the
leftists largely make up the anti-death penalty movement see them as political
prisoners rather than "dirtbags." The latter used a filthy, filthy, gun to
defend himself from a bunch of armed thugs...ok, armed thugs with badges.
Although they might not want to see him executed, they don't want to be caught
up in a cause that get's them in bed with the "gun nuts" or "anti-government

I mean, they might not get invited to any of Susan Sarandon's
parties if they did. ]

[H/T to Instapundit.]

Someone tell Slick Willie . . .

. . . that he's not President anymore.

Sometimes the Randian superheroes lose.


A Libertarian who hosts a weekly radio program spent more than two years
and appeared in court 28 times fighting a 25-dollar ticket for not wearing a
seat belt.

He lost. But maybe he'll let the appeals process take it's course.

On Wonder Woman's big booty.

LA Daily News discusses, among other things, Wonder Woman's big booties.

Who would I cast as the original Glamazon? Xena, Warrior Princess. Or Beyonce.

Probably not Carrot Top. Unless I'm in a mood.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Informal poll.

Something for you to think about, and comment on, while I'm gone .

Who's hotter?

Mr. Drummond


George Papadapolis

On Swatting Mosquitoes.

Familiar you are with the old admonition about being too busy swatting mosquitoes to drain the swamp, yes?

One can never swat ALL the mosquitoes. And those one does not swat grow larger and larger.

Eventually, they grow large enough to carry one off into the bitter December sky.

Things may be spotty here for awhile as I attempt to swat some of the larger mosquitoes before they realize that if they team up on me, they can lift me into the wild blue yonder on wings of bloodsucking fury.

Unfortunately, they are mosquitoes I cannot swat while trapped in the house, so the weather forecast for the next week or so does not engender hope in my heart.

And so, gentle reader, I am off. I will return when I can.

And the swamp remains . . .

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Banwatch: Lawn Darts Wept.

Boston's mayor bans freedom of speech.

Florida elementary school bans pretending.

Seattle public schools ban "freak dancing," "by putting in place tough rules against a form of pelvic motion."

Another Catholic high school bans prom for "financial excesses."

Nixa MO bans gas-saving pocket bikes and considers outright smoking ban in all public places.


Anna Nicole Smith, intoxicated and scantily-clad?

Surely not! Who in their right minds would expect Anna Nicole Smith to be intoxicated and scantily-clad?

I mean, there's NO HISTORY WHATSOEVER of Anna Nicole Smith showing up at public appearances either INTOXICATED or SCANTILY-CLAD, is there? And CERTAINLY not both!

Drunk?!? Not me, Ossifer!

I'm freakin' FAB-yew-luss!

Myway News needs some italics in their headlines.

Court to Release Tape of Gay Policy Debate

Will it be a Gay Policy Debate or a Gay Policy Debate?

"Your legal briefs are Fabulous!"

Blame it on Quizfarm.

The Quizfarm posts are too big and have screwed up my margins.

But instead of pulling them out early (didn't God kill Onan for something similar?), I'm just going to let it be until they make their own way off the page.

CNN reduces potential Senate appointee to "black woman."

Glenn Greenwald calls CNN out on their subtle racism. has an article today reporting that newly elected New Jersey Gov. Jon Corzine is considering appointing State Sen. Nia Gill to fill the U.S. Senate seat which
Corzine vacated when he ran for Governor. The only thing CNN seems interested in
with this story is the fact that Gill is a black woman.

Beginning with the fact that the headline of the article is identical to the headline which the Ku Klux Klan would use when alerting its membership to this story -- "Black Woman May be Appointed to Senate" -- the article seems strangely obsessed with stripping Gill of all of her attributes other than her race (and, to a lesser extent, her gender).

I've been good, Mr. Kwanzaa Bunny, honest.

Of course, I am a trog, Mr. Kwanzaa Bunny, so please make them VHS.

I SUPPOSE, however, if you really want to get DVDs, you can also get me one of these.

Holy Quizfarm!

You scored as Batman, the Dark Knight. As the Dark Knight of Gotham, Batman is a vigilante who deals out his own brand of justice to the criminals and corrupt of the city. He follows his own code and is often misunderstood. He has few friends or allies, but finds comfort in his cause.

Batman, the Dark Knight


Captain Jack Sparrow


Neo, the "One"




The Amazing Spider-Man


Lara Croft


The Terminator


James Bond, Agent 007


Indiana Jones


William Wallace


El Zorro


Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with

Before I knew the word "Libertarian" existed,

I described myself as an "anarcho-republican."

Not too long ago, one of those quiz memes kept bouncing me back and forth between "anarchist" and "libertarian." "Anarcho-Libertarian" sounds good to me.

But so does what this new quiz meme calls me:

You scored as Anarcho-Capitalist. Anarcho-capitalism is perhaps more closely linked the libertarian tradition than anarchism as it favours a free market and a stateless society. Private businesses would replace the functions of the state. This form of anarchism is largely an American phenomenon and first emerged in the 1950s (although it arguably has its roots in 19th century individualist anarchism and classical liberalism). Key thinkers include Murray Rothbard.









Christian Anarchist




What kind of Anarchist are you?
created with

100% Anarcho-capitalist. "Excellent," I say, tenting my fingers Mr. Burns-style.

But how do I incorporate my libertarianism? Capitalist Anarcho-libertarian, or Libertarian Anarcho-Capitalist?

What's a vegan cannibal to do?


Friday, December 02, 2005

Libertarian Gifting Part 2: Red Hen Redux.

You'll recall I dropped a copy of The Little Red Hen in a Toys for Tots box.

This morning, I donated the other copy to the Thayer Elementary kindergarten class(es).

I realized that if I donated it to the library, it might sit on the shelf and get checked out once every five years, and when it DID get checked out, it would only reach one or two kids.

But if I gave it to the kindergarteners, I could reach 25 or 30 kids at a time.

Why do they keep bastardizing the meaning of 'charity'?

Here, Guy Andrew Hall of Rook's Rant bastardizes the meaning of the word 'charity.'

And claims Christians have more to fear from Libertarians than from progressives.

When person A steals (or enables the government to steal) from person B to give to person C, how Christian are person A's actions toward person B?

Not very, if at all.

But isn't democracy an inherently absolute good?

John Seigenthaler Sr. finds that the intellectually-democratic Wikipedia is "a flawed and irresponsible research tool."

Oh, Kwanzaa Bunny . . .

No, the laser's not for shooting people.
It's because I have trouble seeing straight lines.
They look curved to me.

Squirrell Revolution spreads to Russia.

And if they can't get us, they'll get our beloved Fidos.

Selective enforcement.

State Judge: Bush can ignore his civic duty.

State District Judge Ralph Strother said he expects to get a response about the summons but doesn't expect Bush to report for duty.

"I don't think I'll be sending the sheriff out to bring the president in," said Strother, a Republican who has a grandson serving in Iraq. "It seems to me that the president has plenty of things to occupy his attention. Jury duty is a very important civic function, but running the country, I think, especially in wartime, takes priority over jury service."

I guess it's not what you do; it's who you are.

Meanwhile, someone's arthritic grandma will be forced to sit all day in an uncomfortable jury chair because she's not one of the important people.

Roger Clinton gets an undeserved pardon; Dubya gets a pass on jury duty.

Welcome to the U.S.S.A.

Are they freakin' NUTS?

TSA to allow small screwdrivers and scissors!

Googling the phrase "stabbed with a screwdriver" returns 179 hits.

"Stabbed with scissors" and "stabbed with a pair of scissors" return a combined total of 315 hits.

I guess you never know when the need to loosen nuts or cut fabric will come up on a flight. But why leave out ice picks? You might need to bust up some ice in your drink.

And, hey, I'm ALWAYS needing to cut open some BOXES!

Welcome, little Darelektra.

It's a girl for B-Aff and J-Gar.

Oh, the humanity!

Joey pulled from the air.

The possibility still exists, however, that it will be back. Perhaps reworked into the form of Joey Loves Chachi.

Slap in the face to the atlatl-control lobby.

The Pennsylvania State Game Commission proposes letting hunters use atlatls next year.

What's an atlatl, you ask?

a bizarre weapon that was once used to slay woolly mammoths and sabertooth
tigers in prehistoric times

... [snip] ...

a small wooden device that propels a six-foot dart as fast as 80 mph

It also is a handy word in Scrabble.

Xena polyamorous?

Xena (that's 2003 EL61 for you pointy-headed, pocket-protector types), it seems, is not in a monogamous relationship with her moon Gabrielle.

What do we name the new one? Hercules? Sappho?

And, had we known Xena was cigar-shaped, would we have named her 'Monica'?

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Do they make Kwanzanalia Registries?

If so, this is on the list of things I want the Kwanzaa Bunny to bring me:

(3XL, Mr. Kwanzaa Bunny.)

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