The Arkanssouri Blog.: 03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Rookie Philosophers.

Click pic to embiggenate it.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Give them enough rope . . .

I may not be posting quite so much for a while. Other, more important matters to chase down.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Veterans Administration: No Wiccans need apply . . .

. . . to die for their country.

Nevada National Guard Sgt. Patrick Stewart paid the ultimate price for his
In September, he was riding with fellow U.S. soldiers on a
Chinook helicopter when it was shot down in Afghanistan. Stewart and four others
were killed.

But the spot for his memorial plaque at the Northern Nevada Veteran's
Cemetery remains blank.

Stewart was a Wiccan.

The Veteran's Administration has never authorized the use of Wicca's pentacle on grave markers, even though it allows the use of symbols from 38 other beliefs, including obscure or possibly fictional religions such as Ixumo Taishakyo, Soks Gakkai, Aaronic Order, Seicho-no-ie and Presbyterians.

All are equal, but some are more equal than others.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Some people ...

... don't know shit from Shinola.

Hey, Dutch government!

This is a dog.

This is a doorbell.

Any questions?

Thursday, March 23, 2006


There's a fourteen-year-old case in Springfield Missouri. Three women -- a mother, her daughter, and the daughter's friend just disappeared from the mother's home virtually without a trace. There are sketchy accounts about a possible older green van in the area.

They have never been found, and the city has moved on to sad acceptance that they are most likely dead.

Then a story like this comes across the wires: A girl who disappeared ten years ago turns up alive.

It's a reminder that, though unlikely, some kidnapping victims ARE recovered alive, even a decade later. So we shouldn't give up searching for them and the evil that took them.

There is a $42,000 reward for the location and prosecution of the persons responsible for the abduction of the three women.

Anyone with information into the disappearance of Mrs. Levitt, Miss Streeter, and Miss McCall please contact the Springfield Police Department or CRIME STOPPERS.

South District Station

2620 W. Battlefield Road

Springfield, MO 65807


Temporary Police Headquarters

235 N. Kimbrough Avenue

Springfield, MO 65806

Mail ONLY --



SPRINGFIELD, MO 65802-3899

417-869-TIPS (8477) CRIME STOPPERS

417-864-1810 (SPD 24-hour voice line)

417-864-1713 (SPD 24-hour fax line)

Church of the Anti-Genius.

Church of the Anti-Genius.
Originally uploaded by Arkanssouri.

Submit Friendly, The Texas Way!

During my brief stint in Texas, I noticed there is a rather laid-back attitude toward drinking. It's nothing (hell, it's almost EXPECTED) to have a beer at lunch, even a business lunch. Contrast that with here in Missouri, where if you are drinking before noon the neighbors give you the evil eye.

So it surprised me that people in Dallas were arrested for public drunkenness while in a bar. No, the owner of the bar did not report them. The police just showed up and did it on their own.

Their rationale? The drunk people MIGHT drive home. Except that one of the bars was in a hotel and some of the people arrested were registered at that hotel. And some of those arrested at other bars may have had designated drivers.

The action itself is bad enough. Their reasoning is worse. But worse of all is the authority they used to do it (emphasis mine, not the article's):

Texas law states that inebriated individuals could be subjected to arrest
anywhere for public intoxication.

Question: If everywhere is public, then where is private? Answer: nowhere.

Big Brother loves you.

Proof that creative people shouldn't have so much free time on their hands.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Radio Free Thayer.



With a broadcast coverage area of over 2827 square feet, Radio Free Thayer 88.7FM is up and running, broadcasting three songs nightly beginning at 9:00 PM.

My readers by now have realized . . .

. . . that I favor an economy of words. I choose to make my points with efficiency, rather than verbosity.

So it will come to no surprise to my readers that, had I written the memo, it would be:


You suck.


Gee, I wonder why.

From Ananova:

A woman who cut off her husband's penis with a kitchen knife in a fit of jealousy has walked free.
Nikolay meanwhile has undergone surgery to rebuild his genitals and said he never wants to see his wife again.

Imagine that!

I must remind my readers that this blog has for ages pointed out that wimmen are evil.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006


Remember the guy from Mammoth Spring who scaled the White House fence and used his spooky mind powers to get away with it for only a small fine?

His brother just tried to torch his girlfriend's house. And his girlfriend.

He's still on the loose.

I'm thinking Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.

My nearly-random quote of the day . . .

. . . actually comes from yesterday. And instead of finding it online, I said it myself out here in the real world.

"How do you know Smurfs don't have square buttholes?"

Context: I had just returned from the store with some Fudge Sticks, which are little chocolate wafer things shaped like square sticks.

I was putting them in the fridge and got a couple out to snack on.

My mother asked what I had.

Being a certified smartass, I showed her a couple and said, "Smurf poop."

She asked if they were Smurf poop, wouldn't they be round?

I responded with "How do you know Smurfs don't have square buttholes?"

I'm guessing that in the future . . .

. . . this family will respect the property rights of others.

Chef to Matt and Trey: I wish I knew how to quit you.

Maybe Chef didn't quit South Park because of their anti-Scientologist episode, after all.

Maybe Scientology quit the show for him.

Did he have a stroke or not? And what's with this "Return of Chef" nonsense, and is it related to the yanking of the Scientology episode?

Could it be one big "Who Is Cartman's Father?" type gag? If so, it certainly seems as tone-deaf to the audience's opinion as that one was.

Seen on Drudge this morning . . .

May I Pee Standing Up, Honey?

From NY Daily News:

After being surprised by her husband's role in the Dubai ports deal, Sen. Hillary Clinton has insisted that Bill Clinton give her "final say" over what he says and does, well-placed sources said.

"What brand of tampon would you like me to use, Hillary? Which dress should I wear? The blue one? But it has a stain, sweetie.

Have you had a chance to exercise your power of line-item veto over my list of proposed mistresses yet? No hurry, hon. May I have a cigar?"

Doesn't that make it an insect?

A lamb with six legs, four in front and two at the back, has been born on a
farm in Belgium, the news agency Belga reported today.

The lamb cannot walk and has to be specially fed.

Yeah, but think of the profit one could make producing lamb chops!

This chick for President.

Sure, it will require a Constitutional Amendment allowing her to serve, but she certainly knows how to deal with a-holes. What would she do to bin Laden?

Two weeks ago Steve Williams became so fed up with his daughter's messy
bedroom that he built a website featuring pictures of his slothful offspring's
lair in an attempt to shame her into action.

But the public humiliation proved a short-lived victory. While it did
spur his daughter, Claire, into tidying up her room, it also whet her appetite
for revenge. With the help of her father's friends, the 20-year-old business
student has now set up a rival website that displays photos of him in a variety
of compromising situations

"All my friends feel sorry for Claire so they're ganging up on me,"
said Mr Williams, of Whitehaven, Cumbria. "They've managed to dig out photos of
me drunk and dancing round with a handbag at a party, and also put pictures of
my garage on to show it's not just Claire who's untidy.

"The boot's on the other foot now, but I suppose I deserve it."

On My Insufferable Smugness, Part III.

Another pronouncement from The Mountaintop:

The absence of subsidies is [largely] what makes capitalism capitalism and not socialism.

Too bad my wisdom is being wasted upon the Socialized Condoms Brigade, who refuse to listen.

And now a word from our sponsors . . .

Need an extra step when you're on the spot? Like maybe when you're in a white Bronco after you've killed two people?

Hey, everyone! Look! Look!


Walmart's giving out free canoe patches!

Gummint vs. Shirley.

Gummint vs. Shirley.
Originally uploaded by Arkanssouri.
Click pic to embiggen it.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Ah, the Left.

Over at Fired Up Missouri, I have done nothing other than challenge their positions. I have purposefully refrained from personal attacks and have argued policies, not personalities.

For this, I have been labeled stupid, a racist, a misogynist, a bastard, and a cross-dresser.

And now there is a new one:

What color is the sky in a world where arguing positions calmly and logically equals trolldom?

And how does that square with the assessments of some of their own members?

Remember America?

Lincoln Nebraska: Order Above All.

Once upon a time there was a place called America. In America, people didn't have to conform. In America, you lived and let live. In America, you didn't throw people in jail for "maintaining a disorderly house."

How much jailtime does leaving the cap off the toothpaste bring? Is that not disorderly?

How about leaving the dinner dishes in the sink overnight?

What if the carpet doesn't match the drapes?

Remember when the right to be left alone by the government unless you violated someone's rights outweighed the "solid, quiet sense of community"?

Remember when we were free?

Remember America?

Remember America.

Product Placement in The Afterlife.

Who knew they had Radisson and Omni hotels in purgatory? Not to mention Glenlivet.

The product placement on last night's Sopranos wasn't as obnoxious as the week before, but it was still there. Some of the notables:

Some company called QED.
Bally briefcases.
Radison and Omni hotels.
A multitude of car names -- Lexus, Porsche, Prius, etc.

I'm sure there are others.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Another level on which he's wrong.

By now you've probably seen this quote from John Dunleavy, the chairman of the NY St. Patrick's Day parade, defending the exclusion of gay Irish groups from the parade:

Dunleavy set off a firestorm this week when he told the newspaper: "If an Israeli group wants to march in New York, do you allow Neo-Nazis into their parade? If African Americans are marching in Harlem, do they have to let the Ku Klux Klan into their parade?"

Predictably, others have called him out (surprisingly, Kip and Knappster aren't among them, yet) for comparing gays to the Klan, neo-Nazis, and prostitutes. And they are right to do so.

But he's wrong on another level.

Neo-Naziism is by definition antagonistic toward Israeli groups. The KKK is incompatible with African-Americanism.

How, exactly, is homosexuality incompatible with Irishness?

My Insufferable Smugness, Part Two.

Here's another one:

The ferocity with which one attacks the messenger is evidence of the inability to refute his message.

I should put these together in a collection. I wonder how I could get them included in the Bible as the second book of Proverbs.

[Update:] Here's another one:

Interesting that one who voluntarily allies himself with the party of Jefferson Davis would lecture me on race matters.

[Update 2:] And I sharpened my earlier proverb a bit:

A community that sacrifices rights on the altar of need will soon find itself bereft of rights and awash in need.

And how, exactly,

is it misleading to compare the Republicans with the Taliban?

The first stage of the battle, as proposed by Zirkle, calls for suspension of the constitutional protections of property rights for "porn-pimps."

"Every adultery (sic) book store will be immediately seized and the
property will be forfeited to the taxpayers without any process of law
than a hearing within 10 days of seizure to give the porn-pimps the opportunity
(to) challenge the sufficiency of prostitution evidence."

Stage 2, Zirkle said, would involve "actual arrests" for those who did not
learn from Stage 1.

Stage 3, if necessary, calls for "super speedy public trials with severe
punishment that is swiftly carried out after a rapid appeal."

Which leads to Stage 4. "If this stage is necessary, then I am willing to
debate the idea of returning the guillotine and lynch mob for those who prey on children under the age of 12; however, no capital punishment will be extended
without at least four witnesses."

Except that adult bookstores don't necessarily have a single thing to do with predation upon children. And lynch mobs don't usually wait around to find out if an allegation is actually true.

If someone . . .

. . . solved the gas crisis, the obesity crisis, and the pollution crisis, and nobody listened, did he really solve it?

My solution? The government should get with Empire Toys and develop an adult-sized Big Wheel. It would probably have to have a lightweight metal frame instead of plastic, chrome wheels (maybe spinners!) and rubber radial tires.

Make it mandatory to give one out with each new car purchase, and mandate that every new road built must have a "Big Wheel" lane at the edge (maybe seperated by a strip of grass) of each direction. And permission to drive them on sidewalks, where possible.

Yes, I know that paragraph goes against my libertarian sensibilities, but already so much (fuel standards, seat belts, etc.) is mandated on cars that another $75 or so isn't going to make a difference.

And for those times when the rider needs to carry cargo, a hitch on the back for an optional wagon to be pulled behind (maybe collaborate with Radio Flyer?). You could carry about three bags of groceries in one of those and be reasonably safe against spillage.

Obviously, it would mostly be for daytime use. Unless you hook a small generator up to the rear axle to power head and taillights.

Of course, mine would be all black with red flames.

I am waiting for a phone call any moment now, offering me a top management position in my choice of the Department of Energy, HHS, and the EPA.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Now is the time on Sprockets when we . . .

... play "Guess The Chihuahua!"

"Guess The Chihuahua" is a game where I replace something (usually three syllables) in a recipe or song with the word "Chihuahua" and you have to guess what it is.

Twice-Baked Chihuahua

One Chihuahua
Sour cream
Shredded cheese
H.O.T. sauce
Chives & Bacon

First, wash your chihuahua. Coat with butter. Then wrap in foil.
Bake chihuahua in oven for one hour at 350 degrees.
When done, remove from foil & cut chihuahua down the middle.
Scoop the chihuahua from the skin and place in bowl.
Add desired amount of sour cream, butter, cheese, H.O.T. sauce & chives.
Mix well.
Put chihuahua back into skin and top with cheese and bacon.
Return to oven until cheese is melted.

Happy St. Patrick's Day, all!

On this day, we celebrate the anniversary of the day St. Patrick used his magic flute to drive all the children out of Ireland.

R may or may not be ...

... using the alias Jakub Fik these days.

Is one eligible for the Lorena Bobbit Award if one does it to one's own self?

Most days, I have to venture into obscure publications . . .

... to find the Nearly Random Quote of the Day.

Thanks to Drudge, today is not one of those days.

Flying Cow Leaves Two Police Cars in Flames.

Like Nietzche . . .

. . . I am the most clever man I know.

Take this quote I pulled out of the ether over in the hornet's nest I stirred up about whether or not people should have children they can't afford:

A society that ignores rights to meet needs will find itself without rights and smothered with needs.

How to plead to the charge of Insufferable Smugness, sir?

I plead "Guilty as Hell!"

Dear Mr. Lucas:

I'm glad the Star Wars TV show is a go.

But please, PLEASE, for the luvagawd, don't let anyone involved in putting together the Star Wars Christmas Show anywhere NEAR the project!

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Dost HBO protesteth too much?

"We absolutely do not take product placement," a spokeswoman for pay-cable HBO said, noting that this was the third such inquiry she had received since Sunday. "Everything is story-driven or character-driven. . . . We feel that since we are advertiser free, from a philosophical point, product placement is another form of advertising and we do not do it."

Santa Claus is your enemy!


Your poll is bogus. It does not provide all the options available on this question:

How are Independents or Libertarians supposed to answer this?

'Fired Up!' needs to learn the difference ...

. . . between a ban and the ending of a taxpayer subsidy.

One commenter on the post even asked "Without social services, who do they expect to take care of the children?"

The idea that parents are responsible for taking care of their own children never crosses his mind.

Here's my reply, in case the Senator Golddigger crew don't like it and take it down:

"Who will take care of the children?"

Here's a novel concept -- the parents. Don't have kids you can't afford. And as for those who say they can't afford contraception, it doesn't cost a penny to keep your legs crossed and your pants on.

This post and the above commenters seem to equate ending a taxpayer subsidy for birth control with banning birth control altogether. There is a difference, and people should learn it.

You want a rubber? Then YOU buy it. Don't force me to buy it for you. If you can't afford a rubber, then refrain from hiking your dresstail up around your head.

When I said I don't mind a little product placement . . .

. . . I sure as hell didn't mean on news broadcasts!

"It's a nonintrusive way for stations to be able to integrate clients'
logos in a way that seems to appeal to the news departments," she said.
Advertisers also pay to have their logos displayed on news and weather
helicopters featured during newscasts.

Tell me, how can one be objective about, say, problems with OSHA compliance at Kraft if Kraft is paying for Chopper 1?


What's that? Clooney DIDN'T write it?

"Miss Huffington's blog is purposefully misleading and I have asked her to clarify the facts," Clooney, 44, said in a statement issued Wednesday. "I stand by my statements but I did not write this blog."


"This was an honest misunderstanding," she wrote. "But any misunderstanding that occurred, occurred between Clooney and the publicist. We based our decision to post on the unambiguous approval we received in writing."

Clooney's publicist Stan Rosenfield disagreed.

"It's not a misunderstanding, it's misrepresentation," he said. "She knows what she was doing. She was saying to people that she had George Clooney's blog and was printing it. George Clooney does not make statements. He answers questions."

Is Dan Rather running the Huffington Post now?

Too bad the Puffington Host died and was cybersquatted by some moronic douchebag. This would be the perfect opportunity to resurrect it, even if temporarily.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

I don't know what's more pathetic,

that I wonder about such things, or that even the Trekkies shun me when I ask.

In the Star Trek universe, are there gay Klingons? And if so, what is their status in Klingon society?

Even more sad update: I signed up on the message boards at to ask that very question, and couldn't keep myself from asking something else that bothers me about the Star Trek universe, too:

Why humans?

Why are the Borg so intent on assimilating the humans? Wouldn't the
abilities of other species be more advantageous to them?

For instance, wouldn't it be much more useful to them to assimilate the Founders, so that they could shapeshift?And wouldn't the Betazoids' telepathic/empathic abilities be far more useful than anything humans could offer them?

The Klingons' bodies are much more durable than ours.

Even the Vulcans' tactile telepathy would be more useful than what humans have.

So why are they so intent on assimilating man, while more or less leaving the rest of the Federation and the Klingon Empire alone?


And so the descent begins . . .

Landthief-enabler sabotages his own Presidential aspirations.

Richardson vetoes eminent domain limitations.

I just emailed his office with the following:

By vetoing a bill limiting the use of eminent domain for private development, you just torpedoed any aspirations you have to win the Presidency.
Reap what you've sown, scumbag.

Just because you name yourself "Good Samaritan" . . .

. . . doesn't mean you're not going to burn in Hell, bastards.

Just added you to the Landthieves Wiki, scum.

I rock. I suck. You decide.

Watched the Sopranos rerun last night to see what product placement I missed.

Realized I probably botched the incident with Vito's coat. It may have been mobspeak and not the brand name, and it happened shortly after the "Members Only" crack, not before.

But here are some of the product names prominently displayed:

1. As already mentioned, Nestle Nesquik on the toy train car.

2. Pella windows waiting to be installed in the unfinished house.

3. The watches; again already discussed elsewhere.

4. The "Members Only" crack mentioned above (although, admittedly, I can't imagine Members Only paying the show to insult them by name.)

5. Vito says to the agent about his weight loss "Atkins, right?"

6. "jumped by three guys in a Lexus."

7. Three seperate scenes mentioning the Porsche Cayenne by name, the first of which describes it as a "Porsche Cayenne Turbo 4.5 liter V-8." Who, other than car salesmen (which Tony is not), talks like that? The final one goes out of it's way to name-check the Boxter and the Corvette, too.

8. Ray-Ban sunglasses, mentioned by name, though unflatteringly.

9. Armani sunglasses, again mentioned by name, this time postively.

10. The jailed mobster considers selling his car. His lackey asks "The Maserati?"

11. Again, as previously mentioned, the Philips TV.

There are a couple of others -- AJ's cereal, of which I didn't catch/recognize the name because I am not a cereal afficionado (It's been at least fifteen years since I had a bowl of cereal.) and the brand of the treadmill, which was displayed, but I couldn't read.

I looked for the "Cingular" logo which other blogs are saying was prominently displayed but didn't see it, either this time I watched the show or the first time, although cell phones did seem rather ubiquitous in this episode.

Interestingly, in the scene in the diner where the soon-to-commit-suicide lackey shoots the guy, the guy has a bottle of Coke on the table, but the bottle is conspicuously turned so that we can't see the brand name.

Now if, as others (including HBO) are suggesting, the episode isn't participating in paid product placement but rather commenting on the commercialism of our times, wouldn't the Coke name be visible?

Different others are suggesting that it's not exactly paid product placement as we know it. They suggest the companies don't give the show money to have their products featured, but rather the use of goods and services, such as Nestle catering the set and the actors being driven to work in a Porsche Cayenne Turbo 4.5 liter V-8.

Whatever it is, it is so overdone that it is tacky and annoying.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Scientologists give Chef his marching orders.

Scientologist Isaac Hayes quits South Park.

"There is a place in this world for satire, but there is a time when satire ends and intolerance and bigotry towards religious beliefs of others begins,"
the 63-year-old soul singer and outspoken Scientologist said.

Umm... Isaac, have you ever watched the show? "Intolerance and bigotry towards religious beliefs of others" has been an integral part of the show from the beginning. Why was it okay to ridicule the religions of others, but not yours?

Or do you really mean "intolerance and bigotry towards religious beliefs of Scientologists, specifically"?

I move they replace him with another Isaac.

Nearly random quote of the day, resurrected.

They also said her pot could be a hazard if she banged into other children.

Sopranos premiere ratings fall short of expectations.

Story here.

Maybe people DON'T want to be beaten over the head with product placement, after all. I was thinking about that just this morning while enjoying some crisp and delicious Nacho Cheese Bugles. Nothing can brighten your day like a handful of Bugles.

And on that front, I thought of another one that (I think) happened in the episode. I seem to remember a completely unnecessary mention of the brand name of Vito's new coat, right before a slur about another mobster's "Members Only" jacket. And the TV Barn post to which I linked points out the unnecessary mention of the brand name of the watches a lackey gives to Tony.

Heroin? Diamonds? Illegal aliens? Parrots?

What were they smuggling?

Tunnels Used by Ancient Jews Discovered.

Hey hey, we're the Sex Pistols.

This one's gotta rank right up there with the Federalist Papers, the 95 Theses, and the Treatise On The Steppenwolf.

Monday, March 13, 2006

There IS a God, and He is a Man.

How else can you explain the fact that something like this is allowed to exist?

Dixie Chopper Xtreme Lawnmower is 900ccs and Can Mow Football Field in 10 Minutes !!!

I need to go take a cold shower.

See? SEE? I TOLD you so!

I've been saying all along that if you believe the arguments of the anti-secondhand-smoke brigade, then a ban on colognes is the next logical step.

Mass. HS Bans Colognes, Perfumes, Even Deodorants!

But what are they going to do about those people allergic to the stink of pubescent boy sweat?

Has my friend R been to Grass Valley CA recently?

From the Grass Valley police blotter in the local paper:


• At 10:28 a.m. a caller from the 100 block of Park Avenue reported she found a dead squirrel covered in mustard in her mailbox.

The New Y2K.

SARS. The Hanta Virus. Mad Cow Disease. Ebola. West Nile. Flesh-Eating Bacteria. The Bird Flu.

The latest imminent epidemical catastrophe du jour has our government ranting like a Baghdad press spokesman who reads Soldier of Fortune:

March 13, 2006 — - In a remarkable speech over the weekend, Secretary of Health and Human Services Michael Leavitt recommended that Americans start storing canned tuna and powdered milk under their beds as the prospect of a deadly bird flu outbreak approaches the United States.

Meanwhile, the Anthrax Killer's still out there.

Not that anyone has ever accused them of subtlety . . .

... but didn't The Sopranos overdo the product placement a little (and by "a little" I mean "way too goddamn much") last night?

And they made no attempt to mask the obviousness of what they were doing.

Oh, look -- a Nesquik ad on a toy train car.

What's that, Carmela? A Porsche? I'm not sure I heard you right. You'd better tell me again, later in the show.

And the shot of the TV where the center of attention wasn't the screen, but rather the brand name of the TV -- Phillips, I think. Could they BE any more ham-handed?

It wasn't a great episode to begin with, but being beaten over the head with product placement made it all the worse.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not anti-product-placement per se. It certainly beats being interrupted by actual commercials. It's when the product placement is tacky and obtrusive that it gets irritating.

I'd much rather have Carmela ask Tony if he'd like something to drink and then hand him a Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper than have her ask him "Would you like a cool, delicious and refreshing Diet Dr. Pepper?" and hand him one with a close-up on the can.

TV Barn has some thoughts on the [psychotic] episode here.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Cue the Rush music . . .

If you choose not to decide, South Dakota newspaper, you still have made a choice.

Look away, Mr. Hanna...

What kind of pirate am I? You decide!
You can also view a breakdown of results or put one of these on your own page!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

Crest: Not just a toothpaste.

Those are the coats of arms of my maternal and paternal (respectively) surnames.

"Memor esto" means "Be mindful." "Sans changer" means "Without change." Be mindful without change. I like it.

Apparently the Hutchisons were a sept of the Clan MacDonald.

Source: House of Names.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Two passings while I was out.

The first was Kirby Puckett. Whatever his actions after glaucoma forced him out of baseball, while he was a player, he was one of few that his fans could like BECAUSE of his attitude, not in spite of it. They didn't feel like they had to apologize for being his fans. All of sports need more Kirby Pucketts.

The second was Dana Reeve. Whatever you think of her and her husband's politics, you have to admire a love that lasted BEYOND "'til death do us part."

I imagine it went something like this:

St. Peter stood inside the gates to Heaven, talking to Superman.

"She's coming," he told the Man of Steel as he turned the winch that opened the gates.

Superman wiped a tear from his eye at the knowledge his son no longer had either parent, but his heart swelled at the realization that the two would be together again.

"Can I . . .?" he asked St. Peter.

"Of course," he replied. "Dana's waited a long time to be carried across the threshold again."

And Superman walked . . . WALKED out of the gates and swept his wife up into his muscular arms, his cape rustling behind them in the gentle breeze.

He smiled, and she smiled back, then they kissed and he turned around and carried her through the gates, toward the light, across the Threshold of Eternity.

Hope for the bigfootologists.

Previously unknown furry animal found.

Pic looks to me like a genetic experiment gone awry. A crab/albino orangutan hybrid, maybe?

What a difference an 'f' makes.

Add an extra 'f' to the end of one of the words in the headline to this Breitbart article . . .

Beating of Homeless Man Caught on Tape

. . . and you have a different story altogether.

Cornholio to Iran:

Someone at the ad agency sneaked one past the suits.

Anybody else notice the commercial where the team's logo that is painted on the wall behind the action is awfully derivative of the flag of the bear community?

Still on sick leave...

... but I wanted to drop in and let you know I'm still among the living.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Resistance is futile.

Created via the ASCII image generator at

Roger's GOT to start manscaping.

Originally uploaded by flickr.mattrichardson.
It's said when men get older, they get more body hair . . .

The Blogger Medical Leave Act.

Don't know when I can get back to blogging.

I have a (hopefully minor) medical issue that prevents me from blogging, and I can't get in to see my doctor, so I'll have to try to just wait it out until it passes.

What's the phrase, if you can't fix it, you got to stand it?

Saturday, March 04, 2006

A question for Father Rodolfo Llamas.

I just sent an email to the webmaster of the Catholic Diocese of Sacramento, hoping he will forward it to Father Rodolfo Llamas.

I'm just curious . . .

... how do reconcile your support of the stealing of these properties with the 8th Commandment?

What part of "Thou Shalt Not Steal" don't you understand?

OSU landgrabbing again.

Oklahoma State University is stealing more land. This use of eminent domain looks even more egregious than the parking issue.

Just updated their entry on the Landthieves Wiki.

What is the opposite of passive disobedience?

Why, it's active obedience! That would make the people in this hilarious video about what happens when people follow speed limits the anti-Ghandis, I suppose.

Sometimes the greatest act of rebellion is to follow the letter of the law.

The video's about five minutes long, so don't watch it at work. Unless you're on break.

Friday, March 03, 2006

It was a good idea in theory. / Why not Doug?

I was gonna come up with a blogosphere scavenger-hunt type game. Every day, I would come up with three search terms with different points for the most recent entry containing one or more of each.

For instance, today the terms would have been "Doug Dascenzo," which would have garnered three points, "got [or getting] busy in a Burger King bathroom," which would have garnered 2 points, and "Strawberry Shortcake" (the character, not the food), which would have garnered 1 point.

In theory, an entry containing "Doug Dascenzo once got busy in a Burger King bathroom with Strawberry Shortcake," if it was the most recent entry I found, would have earned six points. Once a week, I would have tallied up the points and spotlighted the winning blog with an entry here.

Then I found these guys, where EVERY DAY is about Doug Dascenzo.

Kind of puts a damper on my game.

But if you have to be a disciple of SOMEONE, why not Doug Dascenzo?

In my book, a 0.00 ERA ranks right up there with that whole water-into-wine bit in the Miracles hierarchy. After all, ANYBODY, with time and added ingredients can turn water into wine.

But can anybody throw a 0.00?

Come, my brothers and sisters, and worship at the Church of Doug.

Harry Browne, 1933-2006.

One of my two favorite former Libertarian Presidential candidates has passed away from Lou Gherig's disease.

I can think of no greater compliment a man can receive than this, which was true of Harry Browne:

He knew that some battles MUST be fought, even when there is no chance of winning them.

And, in no small measure, BECAUSE there is no chance of winning them.

The pro-stealing-the-homes-of-little-old-ladies-to-provide-millionaires-with-limo-parking party.

New York's Independence Party is encouraging the 21st-century version of Snidely Whiplash to run for President.

I'm sending them an email asking if they're now pro-stealing-the-homes-of-little-old-ladies-to-provide-millionaires-with-limo-parking.

Does DC Madam Barney Frank have an alibi?

Stolen Brit government phones ring up £594,000 in phone sex charges over 17 month period.

You'd think that after a month or so, they'd cancel the phones. Why did it take 17?

The only way that could get any more embarrassing for the officials involved is if someone was running a gay prostitution ring out of a government office.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Poor Bert.

It seems Ernie is a cheating skank bitch.

I would have pegged Bert as the bottom, though.

And isn't Elmo, like, FIVE years old? I guess that's alright, though, 'cuz in Monster Years, he's thirty-five.

Is it any wonder . . .

. . . popular perception of the MSM is that they are liars, trolls, exhibitionists, and now drunks?

Let's just wait and see if those who rained scorn down upon Rush Limbaugh will also visit their wrath upon David Gregory.

Anyone holding their breath on that one?

Use this paint!

If you own a restaurant or a grocery store, or a movie theater or any other business that I go to, buy and use this paint!

Still working on that portable signal blocker disguised as a Walkman idea . . .

Just gotta figure out how to keep it out of the hands of kidnappers and rapists and Ted Kennedy.

If it happened at the local level,

wouldn't a judge dozing off be grounds for a mistrial?

The subject matter was extremely technical, and near the end of the argument Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg dozed in her chair. Justices David Souter and Samuel Alito, who flank the 72-year-old, looked at her but did not give her a nudge.

Souter and Alito probably found her much less unpleasant while asleep.

Now, if we can just get her to doze off when the final opinions are written.


It was the Commies.

My Houston TX readers will understand this:

Marfreless: UK.

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