Texans to Bush, Young, Leinart: . . .

... You suck!

Surprise!

One pill makes you bigger . . .

. . . and one pill makes you fall out of palm trees, Keith.

The View jumps the shark.

Rosie O'Donnell to join The View.

1. Joy Behar isn't going to want to share her allotment of "funny" time with comedienne O'Donnell. (Though, if you ask me, both are gripy, not funny.)

2. Rosie O'Donnell has taken shots at Star Jones via bad poetry:

star jones had weight loss surgery
she had part of her stomach bypassed
that is how she lost 1/2 herself

she refuses to say this
which is her right
but we do not have to pretend
we do not know

3. Do we really need to see THREE vocal left-wingers ganging up on poor conservative Elisabeth? I don't think so. We can probably assume Merideth is fairly liberal, but she managed in her role as moderator on the program to keep her own ideology out of most of the discussion. Star Jones and Joy Behar slobber all over Al Gore every chance they get and are genetically incapable of objectivity. And O'Donnell is twice as bad as both of them put together. Remember her screeching at Tom Selleck and her assertions that "All guns should be outlawed, and all gun owners should be put in jail."? Run, Elisabeth. As fast as you can. Get away from them. As soon as possible.

4. Adding Rosie will screw up the whole "multigenerational" vibe they've tried to create from day one. They need someone either younger than Elisabeth or chronologically midway between Elisabeth and Star. Adding O'Donnell will simply resurrect the three-bitter-old-biddies-griping-at-the-young-one perception that plagued the Matenopoulos (and to a lesser extent, the Ling) years.

5. They need someone other than Walters (because Walters isn't there all the time) with a news or politics background. Without a news wonk, all discussion will be about how mean Brad Pitt dumped sweet Jennifer Aniston and whether salmon is the new black and who got what plastic surgery. We don't need that. That's what E! is for.

My suggestion? Alternate between Chelsea Clinton and Jenna and (the younger) Barbara Bush.

Mexico finally gets serious in dealing with the drug cartels.

Acts to put them out of business.

Through decriminalization.

Look for the drug warriors in the US to throw a hissy fit and demand the country be annexed.

It's not the Anthem.

Last time I looked, the National Anthem wasn't filled with socialist tripe such as this:

Sus estrellas, sus franjas, la libertad, somos iguales

Somos hermanos, es nuestro himno.

which translates to

Its stars, its stripes, the liberty, we are equals

We are brothers, is our hymn.

If someone's anthem needs to be rewritten, it is the Mexicans'. Here's part of it:

Si a la lid contra hueste enemiga,
nos convoca la trompa guerrera,
de Iturbide la sacra bandera,
mexicanos, valientes seguid.

translated into English:

If to the struggle against a hostile host
The warrior trumpet calls us,
The sacred banner of Iturbide,
O Mexicans, follow valiantly.

If WE're the host, buddy, doesn't that make YOU the parasite?

Damn straight I'm hostile to parasites. Especially those who break laws to enter the host.

And our warrior trumpet's bigger than yours, so don't get any ideas.

Kevin writes porn.

It seems my friend Kevin has honed the art of writing passages of computer geek porn (my commentary in brackets):

If I weren't constrained by the fun of a 24k dialup connection [unh . . . oh, yeah, baby . . . dial that big boy) today (fun!), I would have grabbed the mySQL [grab 'em! grab 'em hard!] databases from HM when they got the DOS under control [Who's your daddy? Who's in control?] earlier today and flipped the DNS [yeah, that's it, baby. Flip it good.] to blogHOUSTON over to my backup host [Back that thing up. Right here, baby!] (where this blog is hosted).

After reading this passage, somewhere, the 21st-century version of David Lightman needs a moist towelette.

And how many pot smokers are still in jail?

She received a 60 year sentence for torture and killing of a 12-year-old girl; but at age 29, she's out today.

[The victim was a] 12-year-old Southern Indiana girl who in 1992 was
beaten, stabbed and tortured for hours, and finally set afire while still alive along a dirt road outside of Madison, Ind., by a gang of four teenage girls,

And now one of the monsters has been set free. No prosecutorial misconduct. No jury tampering. No reason at all other than the inmate is personable. The judge just . . . set her free.

Didn't even keep her under HOUSE arrest for the remainder of her term.

I hope it's not too late for the victim's family to go after this monster with a civil wrongful-death case. It won't bring their daughter back, but if the bitch has to give half her paycheck to them every week for the rest of her life, at least she will be reminded every week that she is absolute scum.

WAVE 3 brings us the victim's mother's reaction:

She's angry about what happened to Shanda, and also angry that Rippey is getting out early. "Just serve your sentence," she says. "Be respectful of my child and serve your sentence. She's never been able to do this. She's tried to get out from day one."

I hope today or tomorrow someone involves her in a street fight and gets her ass thrown back in jail.

Taking out the moral issue and just speaking practically, is there anyone YOU'D kill if you knew you would spend 60 years in jail? Is anyone worth forfeiting sixty years of your own life? No. How about if you knew the most you would spend in jail would be 30 years? Almost certainly not. How about 15? Maybe. Just maybe...

What's a life worth? 15 years, apparently.

How do we find out who appointed this douchebag judge, and how do we hold him accountable?

Will this other monster, who received a 60-year sentence for killing an 8-year-old boy, be let out in 2021 at age 57?

"Galactica 1980" 2006.

One of the signs a TV show is about to jump the shark is when they start spinning off spinoffs. There are some exceptions, such as a couple that spun off from the original shark-jumper Happy Days -- Laverne & Shirley and Mork & Mindy. But then they went and did Joanie Loves Chachi. Shark jumping ensued before Lennie Loves Squiggy and Pinky Loves Leather could get off the ground.

Then there was Enos, a spinoff of The Dukes of Hazzard. I want to make this clear -- Enos the role was one of my two favorite characters in TDOH (the other being Cooter), but Enos the show was just awful. Even Enos knew this ahead of time and had it written into his contract that he could return to TDOH after Enos inevitably flopped miserably. While I don't remember the General Lee ever literally jumping a shark, I vaguely remember plotlines about Santa Claus and space aliens. Somehow THOSE reruns don't make it onto CMT.

Remember After M*A*S*H? Horrible.

And let's face it, the Six Million Dollar Man was never quite the same after The Bionic Woman happened. Apparently, Jamie Summers' bionic ear could not function with a single strand of long hair dangling in front of it, because she would always remove it with her finger when she wanted to hear something. (Angry letters to me from feminists and lesbians may be submitted using the "Comments" function at the end of this post.) It then led to Max The Bionic Dog and . . . I sh*t you not . . . Bionic Bigfoot. They even resorted to Add-A-Kid, in this case, a bionic one. Bionic Bigfoot. Let that sink in. What can I say? It was during the Carter Administration.

I remind you of all of this as background for this announcement:

The people who brought you the latest incarnation of Battlestar Galactica now bring you Caprica.

Look for Boxy to be added to the BG cast any time now.

Muffit I could handle, but if Boxy comes back, I'm out.

When a crocodile gets the munchies, beware.

Crocodile to man: NO HUSQVARNA FOR YOU!!!

"He chewed on the chainsaw for about an hour-and-a-half, then we finally got it out... It's still in one piece but, yeah, it's buggered."

[H/T to Ananova.]

Prior restraint.

Here's one for you legal types:

Dude pleads guilty to scalping four tickets to the Kentucky Derby. In Kentucky, ticket scalping is illegal, but it is not illegal across the state line in Indiana. He gets caught and pleads guilty. Case over, right?

No. The police siezed more than 400 additional tickets, all obtained legally. They claim the tickets are evidence in an ongoing investigation and refuse to return the tickets to the guy. What's ongoing about it? He pled guilty and the case is over.

I have a sneaking suspicion the investigation will be over shortly after the running of the Kentucky Derby May 6th.

He assures the police he will dispose of the tickets legally. We can infer from this that he will go across the state line into Indiana and sell them, for a tidy profit. They still don't return the tickets to him.

By what authority are they keeping his tickets? He did not use those 400+ tickets in the commission of a crime. Maybe he intended to, maybe he didn't. Unless the police have a Vulcan on staff who can mindmeld with him, they can't prove he did. Are they keeping the tickets because he MIGHT use them in the commission of a crime in the future? If so, don't we have a prohibition of prior restraint here in America?

The whole idea of making ticket scalping illegal bothers me. Is selling your used car "car scalping"? How about "stock scalping?" And all that "tchotchke scalping" at yard sales and flea markets? You have a willing buyer and a willing seller. Whose rights are violated?

Not holding my breath.

Ten bucks says the latest possibility of an Atlas Shrugged movie, like all the others, gets aborted in the first trimester due to intellectual infighting.

Pitt/Jolie? Gawd, no.

Redford/Kidman, maybe.

[H/T HoT]

"Carl Edwards Shirtless" Guy's got company.

... "Drug To Make You Fart" Guy dropped in on the same day.

[Update: So did "Ed Lavandera Gay" Guy.]

My minions are a strange lot.

A little blogroll cleanup.

If you ain't posted in 2006 (CAL and RHODEMYRE !!!) you got removed.

Some I felt bad about removing. (See above.)

Others (Shakespeare's Sister) felt really good.

[Yeah, yeah, I know the design's a mess. I'm working on it.]

21st-Century Welfare Queens.

California drivers deliberately running out of fuel on the highway to make the government give them a gallon of gas.

Parasites.

I'm a product of the public school system . . .

. . . so I need a little help with this one, because I sure don't understand.

How, exactly, does raising taxes on oil companies make gas prices go down?

Bush said that high gasoline prices are like a hidden tax on consumers and businesses, although he said the nation's economy was strong. He urged Congress
to take back some of the billions of dollars in tax incentives it gave energy
companies, saying that with record profits, they don't need the breaks.

The price is too high, so we're going to increase it by raising taxes on the company?

I wish I'd gone to Yale, so maybe I could understand it better, so maybe it wouldn't seem like some bastard relic of the Soviet Union.

Or maybe he'd drinking again and I can't understand because I'm sober.

Yet another reason that gay marriage should be allowed.

The religious right is fond of saying that the gay marriage debate is all about money, such as the shared ownership of assets.

No, it's about the government not dictating the sexes of people who are allowed to enter into a contract together. It's about equal protection under the law.

But it's about more than that.

In Black Jack MO, not being married can make your family homeless:

Olivia Shelltrack and Fondray Loving, along with their children, will
continue to live in their Black Jack home while the city reviews its occupancy
ordinance.

The city recently denied the couple an occupancy permit because they did
not fit the city's definition of family. The ordinance defines family as, "An
individual or two or more persons related by blood, marriage or adoption, or a
group of not more than three persons who need not be related by blood, marriage
or adoption, living together as a single non-profit housekeeping unit in a
dwelling unit."

[snip]

Black Jack does allow unmarried couples to live together, said Mayor Norm
McCourt. However, the ordinance does not allow for an unmarried couple with more
than one child.

As intrusive and fascist as this law is, at least this couple does have an option for a way to stay in their home -- they COULD get married.

But if the couple was, say, OLIVER and Fondray, what option would they have for themselves and their three children?

Don't tell me no rights are denied to gay people by not allowing them to marry.

I don't know whether to be amused or appalled.

Prior to 9/11, while I would have scolded this guy for tagging Air Force One and causing the taxpayer to have to pay for the cleanup, I might have secretly admired his cojones for pulling such a stunt.

Now I have to wonder if he's showing al Qaeda how easy it is to get close to the plane.

If he can put paint on the plane, how easy is it for al Qaeda to strap a bomb on it?

[H/T to Brainhop.]

Maybe it will give me superpowers.

Walked to the library today to save gas.

I am about to walk home.

It is now raining.

It is a certainty that I will get soaked.

It is a probability that I will get struck by lightning.

Post-Apocalyptic Lawncare.

Remember the Y2K hype? It's easy to look back now at how silly the whole episode was, but some people were genuinely frightened.

And others were more than happy to capitalize on that fear.

Which brings us to the fall of 1999. I am driving south of Viola, Arkansas, for no particular reason. It is the weekend and I am farting around in my car, doing nothing of import.

On the left side of the road, I see one of those little perpetual yard sales. You know the kind -- the ones that are actually a mini flea market but get out of buying a business license by calling themselves a yard sale.

I stop and piddle around a bit.

At the end of one of the rows of "merchandise," I see it.

It is an ancient Sears push-reel mower. The handle is almost-rotten wood and the rest of it, except the "tires", seems to be iron. Heavy as f*ck.

I push it a little. It works.

A price tag hangs from the handle. On one side, it says "$15.00."

On the other, it says "Y2K Compliant."

I laugh to myself.

After the apocalypse, I doubt lawncare will be much of a priority.

It's so absurd I HAVE to buy it.

I mowed half my backyard with it this morning. I still haven't replaced the handle.

Gas is $2.879 per gallon locally.

Take that, fearmongering yardsaler.

Maybe it was Burrito Buffet Night . . .

. . . at Paco's 24-Hour Taco Emporium the night before.

Strange, non-earthquaky, non-sonic booms shake various areas across the nation.

Oddly, Cynthia McKinney has not yet issued a statement blaming white people.

Repri-Manded!

Keith Hernandez not E-Jected!

It is perverse abomination . . .

. . . that $2.39 a gallon is in the green range.

Apparently, there must be a gigantic deposit of black gold under the Mountain Time Zone. That's the only explanation I have for gas being cheaper there than on the coasts.

Anyone have a tanker I can borrow? Gas is $.12 per gallon in Venezuela.

If you run across the Exxon Valdez on ebay for, like, a buck and a half, let me know.

Or maybe it's DAD who spends too much time playing with GUNS.

Father shoots at computer because his 22-year-old son spends too much time playing with it.

He told deputies that although he told his son he was going to shoot the computer, the gun accidentally fired.

The bullet hit the wall about three feet from where the son was sitting.

As an adult, isn't it the SON's decision about how much time he spends on the computer?

[H/T to Drudge.]

Suggestion.

Why Representative Charles H. Taylor (R-NC) is blocking the funding for a Flight 93 memorial:

For Taylor, a large landowner in the mountains of western Carolina, the
issue comes down to principle: The federal government is already the largest
landowner in the country, and he believes that no additional tax dollars should
go to more land buying for this or any other memorial. Beyond that, the families
have committed to raising half the $60 million needed to build the memorial but
so far have raised $7.5 million. Taylor is concerned that the federal government
will be left holding the bag.

Is there some reason we can't use some of bin Laden's frozen assets to fund this?

That old-time placenta-n-roll.

Is it just me, or is Hit & Run a little too excited about the thought of Tom Cruise eating placenta?

Recipe for Bacon & Placenta Soup:

Ingredients:
· 28 ounces chicken broth
· 3 placentas
· 1 medium onion -- finely chopped
· 1 teaspoon dried thyme leaves
· 6 strips bacon -- cooked and crumbled
· 1/2 cup shredded Cheddar cheese

Directions:

Combine broth, placentas, onion, and thyme in Dutch oven; bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce heat to medium-high and boil 10 minutes or until placentas are tender. Add crumbled bacon to broth mixture; simmer 3 to 5 minutes. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Ladle into bowls and sprinkle with cheese.

This recipe for Bacon and Placenta Soup serves/makes 4.

Nightmare beast.

grinley
Originally uploaded by OnkelChrispy.

This may be the scariest thing I have ever seen in all my life.

Approaching Code White.

gassevere
Originally uploaded by Arkanssouri.

$2.879 at the Thayer Fuel Center this morning.

As you can tell, I've already limited my blogging to about three days a week. If it gets into "Crisis" level, I'll have to stop blogging altogether unless an actual important event, about which I MUST say something, happens.

I may have to redesign my graphic soon, though. What comes after Code White?

Code Black, I guess.

And what is worse than a Crisis?

Total Societal Meltdown, I suppose.

And it will start at $3.20/gallon.

Have a nice day.

If I ever start a record company . . .

. . . I am going to name it Broken World Records. It's logo will be a globe, split into two pieces by a jagged crack down the middle.

Today is Urf Day.

Have An Earth.

"I am a wall, and my breasts like towers: then was I in his eyes as one that found favour."

Web site operators posting sexually explicit information must place official government warning labels on their pages or risk being imprisoned for up to five years, the Bush administration proposed Thursday.

I can see it now. Warning labels plastered all over the online editions of the Bible. Especially the passage in the Song of Solomon about the other f-word, the mere mention of which makes Kevin squirm:

My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him.

Solomon's saying that, mind you. Solomon was a dude.

And who knows WHAT kind of label they're gonna put on all that kissing, bowing, and exceeding that David did with Jonathan.

Then there's the drugging and incestuous rape of the most moral man in Sodom:

Gen 19:33 And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.


Gen 19:34 And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, [and] lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.


Gen 19:35 And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.


Gen 19:36 Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.

Hey, if Big Bro's gonna put warning labels on, say, nekkid pictures of Carlos Mencia or graphic details of what a writer would like to do with Immanuel Lewis, then equal protection under the law demands that it puts labels on the Bible.

And Lady Chatterly's Lover. And The Scarlet Letter. And on and on.

Misinterpretable headline of the day.

Architect will turn jet into a home.

I hope there's nobody at home when he crashes the jet into it.

They don't quite fit.

There are queens in the gay subculture.

There are bears in the gay subculture.

But, unlike chocolate and peanut butter, the two don't quite go together.

Bears tend to embrace their masculinity, so the concept of queen bears is a little askew and boggling of the mind.

Queen Bears Created.

Serenity Now!

Free canoe patches from Wally World here.

Pottymouth.

Someone in JoAnn Emerson's office (or someone who hacked into it) needs to wash their mouth out with soap:

Nobody expects to get a letter from a member of Congress that ends with an expletive.

But that's what happened when Rep. Jo Ann Emerson, R-Mo., recently corresponded with a resident of her southeast Missouri district. The letter ended with a profane, seven-letter insult beginning with the letter a - "i think you're an [asshole]."
...
[But at least she was polite about it.]

Connor said that Emerson personally signed the letter, dated Feb. 15.

She also included a handwritten personal message at the bottom: "PS - please forgive the delay in responding."

Here I Go Again . . .

. . . off on one of my obscure intellectual exercise questions.

Hit & Run asks "Is Shooting Aliens Justifiable Homicide?"

The article isn't about shooting actual aliens, though. Only people you THINK are aliens.

But suppose it was about aliens. Suppose a colony of peaceful aliens lands and attempts to integrate into human society.

Would it be a crime to kill them? To senselessly gun them down, women and children included?

Would it be homicide?

My position is that as the laws are currently written -- no, it would not be homicide.

"Homicide" comes from "homo" (meaning human being) and "cide" (meaning to kill). Aliens are not human beings, so killing them by definition cannot be homicide.

I would think that, following the letter of the law, the worst crime that would apply is Cruelty To Animals.

So, no, Hitters & Runners (and Pitchers & Catchers, for that matter). Shooting aliens is not justifiable homicide.

This is how my universe works.

It hadn't rained in weeks.

Yesterday at sundown, I finished mowing my yard.

Woke up this morning to rain.

By noon, the grass will have grown so much one cannot tell I mowed yesterday.

This is how my universe works.

JR "Lou" Dobbs interviews dead Ozzy guitarist.

Good to see death isn't keeping Randy Rhoads down.

And, apparently, no barbers or hairstylists made it to heaven, 'cuz he's got the same 80's 'do.

On the bright side, God seems to like makeup artists!

MichMalk discovers, as I have,

... that those who are intellectually unable to refute the message sometimes attack the messenger.

But I Thought It Didn't Happen In Nature.

The religious right just lost an arrow from their quiver. They keep saying homosexuality doesn't happen in nature, so it shouldn't be allowed to happen in humans.

As if humans should pattern their behaviour after the animal kingdom, none of the rest of which, I remind you, wipe their butts.

But not only does it happen in nature, now we find that full-blown sex-changes do, too:

Bored with laying eggs, hen reassigns her own sex.

Go, girl . . . er, dude.

Government in action.

Ducks banned from pond.

How do you teach a duck to read a "No Ducks Allowed" sign? If a duck violates the ban, do you fine him? Isn't a duck of diminished mental capacity, so he doesn't understand the consequences of violating the law? Will the Twinkie Defense be replaced with the "I Am A Duck" Defense?

And, of course, there's this:

" . . .The main problem with ducks is that if you relocate them there is nothing to stop them from flying back."

Shoulda asked DougDoug.

Satellite navigation provider TomTom routes drivers into a river.

Sat nav supplier TomTom said: "We could re-route drivers."

Gee, ya think?

DougDoug for President.

Eleven Years Ago Today.

Lucio Aleman Jr.

Teresa Alexander

Richard Arthur Allen

Ted Leon Allen

Baylee Almon

Diane Althouse

Rebecca Anderson

Pamela Argo

Saundra Avery

Peter Robert Avillanoza

Calvin Coolidge Battle

Peola Battle

Danielle Nicole Bell

Oleta Christine Biddy

Shelley DeAnn Bland

Andrea Yvette Blanton

Olen Burl Bloomer

Lola Rene Boldon

James Everett Boles

Mark Allen Bolte

Cassandra Kay Booker

Carol Louise Bowers

Peach Lyn Bradley

Woodrow Brady

Paul Gregory Broxterman

Gabreon Bruce

Kimberly R. Burgess

David Neil Burkett

Donald Earl Burns

Cynthia Campbell

Michael J. Carrillo

Karen Gist Carr

Rona Chafey

Zachary Chavez

Sharon Louise Wood Chestnut

Robert Chipman

Terry Smith Rees

Kimberly Kay Clark

Margaret Louise Clark

Anthony Cristopher Cooper

Antonio Ansara Cooper, Jr.

Dana Leanne Cooper

Harley R. Cottingham

Aaron Coverdale

Elijah Coverdale

Jaci Rae Coyne

Kathy Cregan

Richard Leroy Cummins

Steven Douglas Curry

Brenda Daniels

Sgt. Benjamin Davis

Diana Lynne Day

Peter L. DeMaster

Castine Brooks Deveroux

Kim Robin Cousins

Sheila Driver

Taylor Eaves

Ashley Eckles

Susan Jane Ferrell

Carol June "Chip" Fields

Katherine Ann Finley

Judy JoAnn Froh Fisher

Linda Louise Florence

Donald Lee Fritzler

Mary Anne Harper Fritzler

Tevin Garrett

Laura W. Garrison

Jamie Lee Lialkowski Genzer

Margaret Goodson

Kevin Lee Gottshall II

Ethel Louise Griffin

Colleen Juretta Guiles

Randolph Guzman

Kayla Marie Haddock

Cheryl Hammon

Ronald Vernon Harding

Thomas L. Hawthorne, Sr.

Doris Adele Higginbottom

Anita Hightower

Thompson Eugene Hodges

Peggy Louise Jenkins Holland

Linda Coleen Housley

George Michael Howard

Wanda Howell

Robin Huff
Anna Jean Hurlburt

Charles Hurlburt

Paul Douglas Ice

Christi Jenkins

Norma Jean Johnson

Raymond Lee Johnson

Larry James Jones

Alvin Justes

Blake Ryan Kennedy

Carole Sue Khalil

Valerie Koelsch

Carolyn Ann Kreymborg

Teresa Lea Lauderdale

Catherine Mary Leinen

Carrie Ann Lenz

Donald Ray Leonard

Lakesha Levy

Dominique London

Rheta Ione Bender Long

Michael Lee Loudenslager

Aurelia Donna Luster

Robert Luster Jr.

Mickey Bryant Maroney

James Kenneth Martin

Gilberto X. Martinez

James Anthony McCarthy

Kenneth Glenn McCullough

Betsy Janice McGonnell

Linda Gail Griffin McKinney

Cartney Jean McCraven

Claude Arthur Medearis

Claudette Duke Meek

Frankie Ann Merrell

Derwin Wade Miller

Eula Leigh Mitchell

John Clayton Moss III

Patricia Trish Nix

Jerry Lee Parker

Jill Diane Randolph

Michelle Ann Reeder

Mary L. Rentie

Antonio Castillo Reyes

Kathryn Elizabeth Ridley

Trudy Rigney

Claudine Ritter

Christine Nicole Rosas

Sonja Lynn Stroud Sanders

Lanny L. Scroggins

Kathy Lynn Seidl

Leora Lee Sells

Karan Denise Shepherd

Chase Smith

Colton Smith

Sgt. Victoria Lee Sohn

John Thomas Stewart

Delores M. Stratton

Emilio Rangel Tapia

Victoria Jeanette Texter

Charlotte A. Thomas

Michael George Thompson

Virginia Thompson

Kayla Marie Titsworth

Rick L. Tomlin

Larue Ann Treanor

Luther Heartman Treanor

Larry Turner

Jules Valdez

John Karl VanEss III

Johnnie Allen Wade

David Jack Walker

Robert Nolan Walker

Wanda Lee Watkins

Michael Don Weaver

Julie Marie Welch

Robert G. Westberry

Alan G. Whicher

Jo Ann Whittenberg

Frances Williams

Scott Dwain Williams

William Stephen Williams

Clarence Wilson

Ronota Woodbridge

Tresia Worten

John Youngblood

Thirteen Years Ago Today.

Died February 28, 1993 in initial BATF assault on Branch Davidian Compound.

Winston Blake

Peter Gent

Peter Hipsman

Perry Jones

Michael Schroeder

Jaydean Wendell

Died April 19, 1993 burnt or shot to death during FBI assault

Aisha Gyrfas Summers, age 17, and unborn child

Nicole Gent Little, age 24, and unborn child

Chanel Andrade 1

Page Gent 1

Startle Summers 1

Hollywood Sylvia 1

Bobbie Lane Koresh 2

Mayanah Schneider 2

Chica Jones 2

Little One Jones 2

Dayland Gent 3

Crystal Martinez 3

Isaiah Martinez 4

Serenity Jones 4

Star Koresh 6

Melissa Morrison 6

Cyrus Koresh 8

Joseph Martinez 8

Abigail Martinez 11

Rachel Sylvia 12

Lisa Martin 13

Audrey Martinez 13

Sheila Martin, Jr. 15

Shari Doyle 18

Anita Martin 18

Michelle Jones Thibodeau 18

Jennifer Andrade 19

Vanessa Henry 19

Wayne Martin, Jr. 20

Phillip Henry 22

Katherine Andrade 24

Lisa Marie Farris 24

Paulina Henry 24

Rachel Koresh 24

Rebecca Saipaia 24

Stephen Henry 26

Livingston Malcolm 26

Sandra Hardial 27

John-Mark McBean 27

Diana Henry 28

Gregory Summers 28

Rosemary Morrison 29

Sonia Murray 29

Abedowalo Davies 30

Beverly Elliot 30

Julliete Martinez 30

Susan Benta 31

Bernadette Monbelly 31

Evette Fagan 32

Jeffery Little 32

James Riddle 32

David Koresh 33

Clifford Sellors 33

Floracita Sonobe 34

George Bennett 35

Scott Kojiro Sonobe 35

Novellette Hipsman 36

Pablo Cohen 38

David M. Jones 38

Neal Vaega 38

Lorraine Sylvia 40

Mark H. Wendell 40

Diane Martin 41

Judy Schneider 41

Wayne Martin, Sr. 42

Sherri Jewell 43

Steve Schneider 43

Margarida Vaega 47

Theresa Nobrega 48

Mary Jean Borst 49

Doris Fagan 51

Zilla Henry 55

Floyd Houtman 61

Raymond Friesen 76

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free
exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

... the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Want free college tuition?

Then follow this easy two-step application process for the Jesse Jackson College Fund:

1. Become a stripper.

2. Stir up racial tensions with a rape story. Even if it's not true, and is proven not to be true, Jesse will reward you with a college scholarship.

And why is a white-on-black alleged gang rape by college athletes a national story, when a black-on-white alleged gang beating by college athletes is not? When will SBU cancel their football season?

Imagine how many votes I'd have gotten if I'd actually RAN.

Got a call from the county ambulance board yesterday. Apparently, I got enough write-in votes in the recent election to win a position on the board.

One person got more votes than I, but he apparently doesn't live in the district. Several others received fewer votes than I. And I think one person tied me.

Sadly, because the board meets half the time in Alton, and the position is not a paid one and does not even reimburse travel expenses, and because we are heading for $4.00/gallon gas, the distance forced me to decline the position.

On a good day, without using the air conditioner, my little titty-pink Escort wagon can get about 20 MPG. So, if gas prices get to $4.00/gallon, every meeting held in Alton will push me almost eight bucks further behind.

No, I don't blame the retirement packages of Exxon management.

But it's a shame.

On the bright side, it demonstrates to the duopolists that a Libertarian CAN get elected! :)

If the Unabomber had been a blogger . . .

. . . would he have spent more time writing manifestos and less time blowing people up?

The Fifth Nail Killer had a blog. Didn't stop him from raping and killing who knows how many kids.

Kevin Ray Underwood had a blog. Didn't stop him from killing Jamie Rose Bolin, hiding out and watching as authorities searched frantically for her. He even posted an entry after she went missing.

What does one blog about after he has kidnapped and presumably already murdered a bright, redheaded child? Something on the Discovery Channel about fossils and evolution, apparently.

So much for the a-creative-outlet-solves-all-your-emotional-problems theory.

What strikes me about both these monsters' blogs is that they don't seem particularly monstrous. They're the same thing thousands of bloggers blog about every day. I've seen darker, more disturbing stuff on some goth-but-harmless teen's poetry blog.

That may be the darkest, most disturbing thing about killers. These monsters don't scowl at children. They don't speak in conspiratorial whispers. They don't wear black raincoats. They watch TV. They clean out the cat box. Some keep to themselves. Others, such as John Wayne Gacy and Ted Bundy, are outgoing and gregarious. They eat Big Macs. They drive Volkswagens.

And there's not a damn way to tell the difference between us and them, until it's too late.

[Update: CNN, not surprisingly, gets the blog angle of the story wrong.

In setting up a user profile on Blogger, the user is asked a nonsensical question by the company. Blogger then puts the question and the user's answer on the profile. The member doesn't ask the question. Ed Lavandera of CNN, however, can't grasp this:

An online diary that Underwood appears to have kept for several years
reveals a man frequently depressed, angry and with violent thoughts. In a
question posted prominently on the blog, he asks, "If you were a cannibal, what
would you wear to dinner?"

No, Ed. He doesn't ask it. Blogger does; he just answered it.]

[Update 2: Why is the media ignoring his old blog?]

Disappointing.

On his radio show last night, even Drudge was bitching about Big Oil's enormous compensation packages for it's executives while gas is pushing three bucks a gallon.

Company executives . . . ANY company executives . . . owe their allegiance to the company owners (in this case, the stockholders), not to the customers.

Of COURSE they're going to pay him huge sums of money. Because they are paying him to make THEM even huger sums of money. That is what he was hired to do, and that is what he is doing.

The people that bitch about it are the same people who bitch when executives get paid while the company's doing poorly.

If executives aren't supposed to get paid when companies either succeed or fail, Mr. Drudge, when are they supposed to get paid?

How much would the price of gas go down if that $400 million retirement package was wiped out? Considering they produce two and a half million barrels of oil per day, at a current price of $70 a barrel (and that's just Exxon), that $400 million retirement package would be frittered away in less than three days.

Resentment of the success of others should be left to the Party of Envy, Mr. Drudge. The only people who have legitimate reasons to be concerned about how much Exxon compensates it's executives are Exxon stockholders. And those stockholders seem rather happy at the moment.

Church of the Anti-Genius Growing.

Moved to the back of the bus ... I mean, line.

You'd think, given the glowing puff pieces aired on CNN and other outlets over the past couple of days, the attempt by gay parents to include their families in the annual White House Easter Egg Roll this year went swimmingly, what with all the White House statements that "All families are welcome to participate," and all.

For the moment, we'll ignore the fact that many of the people Bush allies himself with, such as Senators Frist and Santorum, deny that gay families are families.

So we're all one big, happy group, where the government treats gay people with the same respect that it gives straight people, right?

Wrong.

Page One Q: White House changes Easter Egg Roll admit process; LGBT families 'moved from front of the line' .

So, who are these people who get to cut in line ahead of those who stood in line all night? Who are the people who are more equal than others?

a special group of children who volunteer from organizations like 4-H, Big Brothers Big Sisters, Campfire USA, Citizen Corps, Learn & Serve, Little Hands Big Hearts, YMCA and Youth Service America.

The Telegraph brings us the unintended (yeah, right.) consequence:

By the time the gay pride activists are allowed in, Mrs Bush should be gone,

It's precious, isn't it?

What's that, the VW Beetle isn't cute enough for you? The Miata doesn't deliver the sugary sweetness you need?

Well, your prayers are answered.

Syrup personified. Isn't it pretty? And no, 'pretty' is not a compliment.

I may vomit. No WAY a dude designed this abomination.

Excuse me while I inject a little much-needed testosterone into the post.

More from our 'Water Is Wet/Beans Make You Fart' Department.

Goth kids, it seems, are depressed and more likely to harm themselves than perky cheerleader and dumb jock types.

Dudes. That's kind of the point.

No way! Really? Gawd, no! It CAN'T be!

After much deliberation, something called the Advertising Standards Authority in South Africa has made a determination.

Beans, it seems, make one fart.

Shocker!

How much money was spent on this? Is this what our foreign aid helps subsidize, studies of the fartiness of bean-eaters?

Beans don't make people fart; people make themselves fart by eating beans. There is a difference.

Will their next case be to determine whether or not water is wet?

Have an Easter, my minions.

If lying about sex gets you impeached . . .

. . . what does lying about sextuplets get you?

And how do you engage in such wrongdoery* without expecting that, at some point, people are going to expect you to show them the children?


* - Or is that 'wrongdoment'?

You'd think they'd learn from their own movies.

Godzilla, specifically.

About 10.5 gallons of water containing plutonium and other radioactive
material leaked inside a compound at the plant in Rokkasho on Tuesday, said Yukio
Takahashi, spokesman for Japan Nuclear Fuel Ltd. The accident was caused when a robotic arm mistakenly loosened a plug in a container filled with the water, he said.

Are we sure Huckabee's first name isn't Francois?

More from the People's State of Arkansas:

Guvnah signs minimum wage hike.

Question, Guvnah: Where are the people only capable of doing, say, $5.50 an hour worth of work going to work?

Cheney booed.

They booed him as he threw out the first pitch.

I was unaware that being a fan of the eminent-domain-loving Washington National-Socialists made one an expert in political science and international relations.

Like people who enable eminent-domainers are people we should listen to.

The boos might have had an effect. If they came from people that mattered.

There may be hope for Oprah yet.

I nominate Oprah for a Gordon Gekko Award:

"I was coming back from Africa on one of my trips," she said. "I had taken one of my wealthy friends with me. She said, 'Don't you just feel guilty? Don't you just feel terrible?' I said, 'No, I don't. I do not know how me being destitute is going to help them.' "

Because of the title People gave the piece, Oprah Winfrey: Wealth Is 'A Good Thing', I think she'd also fit right in in our "Water Is Wet" department.


[Thx Drudge.]

It's bad enough Big Brother's in our bedroom.

But Uncle Sam wants GI Joe in there, too.

Defense Department spying on gay groups.

Note to Big Brother: Being fabulous is not a threat to national security.

Now is the time on Sprockets when we dance.

I don't know that smelling like a biker is a goal one should aspire to.

But I ordered a free sample anyway.

You think I'm being hyperbolic . . .

. . . when I say the Democrats have built their entire philosophy and sense of life around envy? Then take a look at one Fired Up Missouri poster's lengthy gripe about the fact that 9th District Congressman Kenny Hulshof has a wine cellar.

I live in Hulshof's district. Not in the fancy part of Kenny's neighborhood
where the homes have wine cellars, but in decidely un-French Southern Boone
County. Folks where I live --as is the case in much of the rural 9th
Congressional-- drink Budweiser from the can, Miller Lite if it's on sale.

Horrors!

What, you would prefer Romulans?

Found in the ads on my buddy Kevin's sidebar:

Rise of the Vulcans : The History of Bush's War Cabinet .

Vulcans are logical, nonhysterical beings. This is a bad thing?

This is a picture of Easter.

We're all dead here
Originally uploaded by crackchile.

What's next, Stalinism condoms?

gods-favored-coffee
Originally uploaded by Arkanssouri.

Ick.

crap-fork
Originally uploaded by Arkanssouri.

Found on Engrish.

Every year at Easter, Resurrection Mary travels the globe, collecting the souls of babies aborted in the previous year and placing them in her basket. She replaces them with eggs. Christian baby souls get replaced with real eggs; the rest get plastic.

When she has collected all the souls of aborted babies, she takes them to Carybdis, the gigantic black hole at the center of our galaxy, where she dumps them in and they are emulsified into soul pulp, which can be used as either bunny food or fertilizer for Christmas trees.

This is in the 5% area where I disagree with the Libertarians.

Almost two decades ago, when I first took a variation on the World's Smallest Political Quiz, there were two questions on it that kept me from being at the very top of the ideological map. I don't know if the quiz has changed, or if I took an offshoot quiz, but those questions aren't on the quiz that pops up all over the internet today. One question dealt with the military -- I believe in a robust (though voluntary) military to defend our nation. (Two decades later, I still haven't figured out how to PAY for such a military, since I don't believe in taxes, though.) The other was on immigration.

That brings us to today. I have nothing against legal immigration. But what is lost on today's protestors is that the debate is about illegal immigration. And there are some points on illegal immigration that should be considered.

First, when one enters this country illegally, he is demonstrating a willingness to break our laws to get what he wants. Is this the kind of person we want here? The kind of person who should be rewarded with citizenship?

Second, there is a process in place to enter this country legally. The illegals chose not to follow that process.

Third, instead of demonstrating in America, why aren't these hundreds of thousands of people demonstrating in Mexico, for reforms that would make Mexico a place they wouldn't want to leave? Mexico is poor because of it's corrupt government, not because of a lack of any natural resources or local industries. Why not change their country instead of demanding that we change ours?

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Why didn't they call in Aquaman?

Man allegedly defecated outside Hall of Justice.

I mean, unless there's a dastardly deed being perpetrated at Sea World, Aquaman's pretty much dead weight for the Super Friends, isn't he? The least he could do is help out with poop patrol.

He's not as useless as Green Lantern or Hawkman, though. They're sometimes in the background, but they never say anything and the Super Friends don't even seem aware of their existence.

Another installment in the "Look Away, Jimmy Carter" Chronicles . . .

Ananova brings us this:

Giant bunny attacks veg

I'm assuming 'veg' is Britslang for 'vegetable garden.'

But the true monster in this story may not be the gigantic rabbit. The true monster is revealed in the first line of the story:

Allotment owners have called in armed guards to protect their vegetables - from a rabbit.

'Allotment owners'? Has Brit Brother become so intrusive that it doles out the freedom to grow a garden in allotments?

And one more thing -- if the Brits had private gun ownership, they could take care of the problem as individuals, without having to go to the trouble and expense of hiring armed guards.

Anyone here speak Iranian?

I just came across this enigmatic entry in someone's blog:

Anyone care to translate for me? Is it as ominous as it seems?

I may have to rename this blog.

Given that Arkansas has just gleefully jumped into a role as a European-style nanny state, I may be removing the "Arkan" from "Arkanssouri."

"There's probably some crying towels being passed out in the tobacco
industry today," joked the governor, who has lost 100 pounds and exercises
regularly.

And the anti-individual liberty, anti-property, anti-capitalism crowd are popping their champagne corks.

Reserve some of those crying towels for those of us who believe in freedom and small government, Guv. You know, those things you used to claim to believe in.

Today's nearly-random quote of the day . . .

. . . . isn't a quote at all. It's two images I came across:

This movie is not yet rated.

The next logical step . . .

The trifecta is completed.

Is it possible for a news program to jump the shark? If so, with the appointment of Couric, CBS News has definitely done it. She has no hard news chops whatsoever. If Bryant Gumbel, the most "newsy" of the hosts of morning chatter shows (with the possible exception of Charlie Gibson), could make the jump to evening news, then Miss Couric doesn't stand a chance. And if they're trying to exorcise their political bias demons, Katie ain't the one to do it.

The winner in all this, surprisingly, may be the Today Show. Meredith Vieira is the perfect fit for what Today needs (and has been lacking since the departure of Jane Pauley) -- hard news experience without the grating condescension and obvious bias (cough, cough . . . Katie Couric . . . cough, cough).

That leaves two final pieces to the puzzle -- Vieira's old stomping grounds, The View, and the current anchor of the CBS Evening News, Bob Schieffer. Put those two pieces together, and the puzzle is completed.

Big Goother.

Communist China's eager bottom Google now aims to keep dibs on it's users with wifi.

Google aims to be able to track its users to within 100-200 feet of their
location through new wireless networks.

Baby picture.

Baby picture.
Originally uploaded by Arkanssouri.

This is Tiny.

$2.559 at the Thayer Bullseye Convenience Store this morning.

gassevere
Originally uploaded by Arkanssouri.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the bedroom . . .

Read Tiny's spine-tingling account of his encounter with the Scary Pillow Monster here. But only if you dare.

Horrors!

Do not click over there if you suffer from panic attacks, the vapors, or a weak stomach.

Or if you don't want to spend every night for the rest of your life with the light on, just in case.

Because maybe, just maybe, it's coming after you next.

Today's nearly random quote (headline):

Cut off by floods, man survives on frogs.

From the looks of that shirt, he may have been licking a few of them, too.

Synonym, please.

This is where I tap the collective mind of my readers.

I need a synonym for "man-hating." Something equivalent to "misogynist," only the other way around.

Here's the story:

This morning, I hear this commercial for Corbett Canyon wine on the radio. Two women are talking about how accessing their wine with a spigot is better/easier than with a corkscrew (I'm thinking they must be talking about box wine. Perhaps they live on skid row).

One of them comments that the idea must have come from a woman. The other asks why she would say that.

"Because it's clever."

Had the script been flipped, and a man had said that about women, the fymynysts would be up in arms about how misogynist it is. I would like to send Corbett Canyon a stern email, lecturing them about how female-on-male sexism is just as bad as male-on-female. But I need a word. "Man-hating" sounds a little too Rush Limbaugh, and "misomascist," even if it is a word, which I doubt, rolls easily off neither the tongue nor the keyboard.

Any suggestions?

No preschool political indoctrination, Reason says.

This month, Reason gripes about such books as Help! Mom! There Are Liberals Under My Bed! and Why Mommy Is A Democrat.

Apparently, the political brainwashing of children is in bad taste.

Oddly, they do not mention two libertarian masterpieces that I am fond of giving to children as Christmas gifts -- The Little Red Hen and Thidwick The Big-Hearted Moose.

Question for my readers in the legal field?

What does a citizen do when he is threatened and law enforcement refuses to enforce the law?