The Arkanssouri Blog.: 04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007

Monday, April 30, 2007

ALERT: Caterpillar pension data theft!

Given the large number of Caterpillar retirees here in southern Missouri and northern Arkansas, I thought I'd bring this to your attention --

Caterpillar laptop with pension information stolen.

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Gummint Cheese: The Oblonga Incident.

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Saturday, April 28, 2007

Sorry it's been a few days. . .

I had a Brain Thing Thursday and have been feeling it out to see if it was just a brain fart caused by a short neuro-circuit or if I am falling into the abyss of madness.

Two Brain Things, actually.

In the first, I am at a local convenience store, picking out cigars. I see a new flavor -- wine. Doesn't sound too appealing, but I thought I'd try it and see. So I pick out one small, filter-tipped one.

I also pick out a Black & Mild Mild, also filter-tipped. These are really good.

And finally, I pick out a Green Apple, also filter-tipped.

I pay for them and leave the store.

When I get in the car, in my hand are two wine-flavored filter tips and one big fat Phillies Blunt.


In the second, I am in the WOW! We got cheese! store. In their candy aisle, they often have candies and cakes that are approaching out-of-datedom and are therefore discounted. As I push my cart down the aisle, I catch a quick glimpse of a box. It doesn't register until several feet later that it said . . .


I stop and back up, looking for the box. At first I can't find it, but when I do, it says MARSHMALLOW EASTER TREATS.

Visual hallucinations. Not good.

Those seem to be the only two really bad incidents.

But I wonder . . . if my mental state was SNAFUBAR*, would I be able to realize it?

* - SNAFUBAR -- acronym, "Situation Normal, All F***ED Up Beyond Any Repair."

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Another fun Thayer sign.

This is inside the "WOW! We got cheese!" store.

Fun with bunnies.

A bubble-gum-type machine at a local grocery store dispenses make-your-own Happy Bunny stickers. It lets you pick from a bunch of somewhat-related words on a seperate page.

Here's my first:

And here's what I made out of the leftovers.


Ah, Chingrish . . .

. . . I have a feeling there's a problem with translation in the subject of a piece of spam I received today.

Because surely, they don't mean it literally when they say . . .

Feel yourself like a king of the whole sexual world!

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

That's gotta be a record.

The Left's leader in the calm, reasonable wing of Congress demonstrates that the length of time he is able to keep a promise does not last until the end of the promise itself.

[Referring to the Vice President.]

"I'm not going to get into a name-calling match with the administration's
chief attack dog," he said.

Nope, no name calling match there.

Tangentially, I'm no obo[e?]ist, but I have to think that a hairy reed would be kind of gross.

[H/T 2 Drudge.]

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Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Beyond Sane and Insane.

But he was unmoved, and cried: "If I am mad, it is mercy! May the gods pity the man who in his callousness can remain sane to the hideous end!"
--H.P. Lovecraft
"The Temple"

A few days ago, I commented over on PubliusTX that I wished people would stop calling the VA Tech shooter crazy and start calling him what he was -- evil.

Turns out his tastes in literature yield some evidence into his nature:

On the eBay-affiliated Web site, several books were listed for sale under the screen name "blazers5505."

They include "Men, Women, and Chainsaws" by Carol J. Clover, a book that explores gender in the modern horror film; the publisher's note reads: "Do the pleasures of horror movies really begin and end in sadism?"

Others include "The Best of H.P. Lovecraft: Bloodcurdling Tales of Horror and the Macabre," by H.P. Lovecraft; and "The Female of the Species: Tales of Mystery and Suspense" by Joyce Carol Oates _ a book in which the publisher writes: "In these and other gripping and disturbing tales, women are confronted by the evil around them and surprised by the evil they find within themselves."

Books by those three authors were taught in his Contemporary Horror class, meaning he could have been merely selling the used books at the end of the semester.

Does a crazy man take "Contemporary Horror" classes? Or does an evil man?
I wonder if he ever came across another dark writer's instruction, "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law."

Notable passing.

I should probably say something about the death of Boris Yeltsin.

But other than noting he was the Russian counterpart to Tip O'Neill and Ted Kennedy when it came to drinking, I can't think of much to say.

Him standing on the tank was kind of cool, though. As was his opening fire on the Russian White House. Drunks are fun.

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

She was a sensible Missouri girl until the Hollywood Lefties got to her.

Sheryl Crow calls for rationing toilet paper.

No, not just "rationing."


Crow has suggested using "only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required".

And what is Sheryl Crow doing while she expects you to wipe with one square of toilet paper?

Riding around in her air-conditioned, fossil-fuel-burning tour bus.

I propose rationing tour buses to travelling one mile or less per day.

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

UPDATE: Sheryl Crow now claims that the toilet paper suggestion, like the entirety of the Left's intellectual ability, is a joke. If this is true, it says much about the environmental movement that their positions are so absurd they are indistinguishable from parody. But I doubt that it was a joke. Because aren't jokes supposed to be, well, funny? And why the serious link to StopGlobalWarming?

More likely she was earnest in her ridiculous suggestions, then started receiving flack for it, and thought she better cover her ass with "I was only kidding!"

Does it rise to the level of the Fat Chick from the Dixie Chicks? No.

But it does serve as a reminder that we don't want our politicians to sing, and we don't want our singers to politic.

Just FYI: This week is the 32nd anniversary of the publication of "The Cooling World," which predicted global cooling, in Newsweek.

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Gummint Cheese: The beginning.


Monday, April 23, 2007



Guns don't stop crime . . .

. . . aging beauty queens with guns stop crime.

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]


Points for enthusiasm.

Yet another sign o' the times, taken over the weekend here in Thayer.

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Thursday, April 19, 2007

Minions, ...

meet my friend Marion.

I have never met Marion. Never spoken to her; never even corresponded via e-mail over the World Wide Victrola. In fact, I can be fairly certain Marion has no clue that I exist.

But Marion is my friend.

Especially when she says (as she often does) "Oh, Kristina, that was wonderful!"


SIGNMAKING: So easy a caveman could, and apparently did, do it.

Picture taken yesterday in Thayer, across the road from the McDonald's that used to have a sign that proudly proclaimed "Try our filet-o-fish egg-nog shakes!":

Ugga-Bugga! We make sign! Then we club our women over head and drag them by hair!

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Wednesday, April 18, 2007

If it was 1989 . . .

. . . I would use this photo to make Mr. Hanna run to the bathroom with his hand over his mouth, just by observing . . .

. . . "That looks like it's already been eaten once."


Tuesday, April 17, 2007

I can't believe I missed this.

I even reminded R about the celebration/holiday/observance/whatever you call it a couple of weeks back. He wrote it on his calendar.

Last Friday, 4-13-07 was the 69th anniversary of the West Plains Dance Hall Explosion, which as it happens, was also on Friday the 13th.


Thursday, April 12, 2007

Unintended consequences.

Apparently, as a result of my zeal in pursuing Operation Ex-Lax, many within the New Regime in Thayer think I am a Democrat.

If it helps to pin me down politically, maybe a pattern can be found in my Presidential voting history. I voted for Jerry Brown in the '92 primaries. That was after I voted for Ron Paul ('88) and before I voted for George W. Bush ('00) and Badnarik ('04.) There was a Marrou in there somewhere. '96 maybe. Or it could have been the '92 general. I don't remember. Either way, who am I leaving out? Harry Browne?

But I digress . . .

The people I supported in this little local election this time, I found out midway through, are Democrats. Not that it mattered. The mayorship and aldermen are nonpartisan offices. And my guys have all shown a disinclination toward tax increases, which is about all the power to change economic policy those offices have. So at this early juncture, if I had to describe them politically, I'd call them "Free-Market Democrats." I could do worse than supporting free-market Democrats.

And I suspect the people I opposed are Democrats. And certainly NOT free-market Democrats, if their past support of tax increases are any measure.

Besides that, they were evil. Not just the minor evil of being immoral, either. No, they didn't simply occasionally fall short of their own moral codes. That is something we are all guilty of from time to time. And it's not a matter of them having a different moral code than I do. They didn't even fall into the mid-evil level of actively defying their own moral codes. No, these people relish in the biggest evil of all -- they have no moral code, and the thing they resent most about the rest of us is that we do. MAJOR evil.

I can respect a man who believes I am wrong. I cannot respect a man who holds no beliefs.

Nietzche would slap me for saying this, but Good vs. Evil trumps Republican vs. Democrat vs. Libertarian, at least at this level.

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Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Final wiping procedure can begin.

One bit of post-Operation Ex-Lax news.

The biggest remaining clingon splashes down in the porcelain sea of Thayer politics.

There are a couple of smaller clingons left, but at best, they will leave small skidmarks on the underwear of city bureaucracy.

All of which, of course, is a direct result of this.

4/12/07 UPDATE: It appears that after tomorrow, there will be one less potential skidmark to concern myself with. Like Jesus chasing the moneychangers from the temple, I have purged city hall of the arrogance, corruption and downright assholedness that has plagued it for far too long.

At an end your reign is, Deckard, and a not short enough one it was.

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But I barely know you.

This is an actual sign located on the door of a business here in Thayer.

Can't read it? Here's a blow-up, with the help of some of my Mad Digital Enhancement Skillz, to make it more readable.

Well, okay, but shouldn't you buy me dinner first?

Or is it an observation that I forgot to tuck back in after my last pee break?

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Monday, April 09, 2007


One of my minions, a mister R Bryan Tyra, over the weekend (in between "Cooking With Children" and text messages reminding him "Hooray! Time 4 onanism!") asked me if the following thing indeed exists.

I assured him that it does.


Maybe I'm a native of Tardoslovakia and just don't realize it.

. . . 'Cuz I went out and bought a 512MB flash drive, so I can start bringing in video clips to post here via YouTube.

For you fellow non-techies; video files are too big to put on a floppy (Episode II of The Arkanssouri Show is just over 30 seconds long, for instance, and takes up over 70 meg of disk space; floppies hold less than 2 meg) and my CD drive is not writable.

The flash drive is supposed to be plug-n-play. But when I attached it, the computer starts looking for installation software that doesn't exist, and I'll be damned if I can figure out how to get the bastard to work.

What am I missing? *AM* I a Tardoslovak? Do I have a summer home in Tardistan?


Gummint Cheese: Therapy.

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Saturday, April 07, 2007

I *know* they are completely within their rights to do so . . .

. . . but does that paper for which I voluntarily submit articles free of compensation have to 'tard up my headlines so much?

Take a look at my article here.

Now, tell me, isn't "The Winds Of Change Sweep Through Thayer City Hall" a perfectly reasonable headline for it?

But no.

The headline gods had to 'tard it up a little. When the edition came out, the headline was changed to something along the lines of "Incumbents Fall In Thayer Election."

In addition to being bland and witless, it creates the impression that all incumbents in the election were defeated. Only the ones located in City Hall, which is what my article was concerned with, were. There were two school board incumbents who were re-elected.

And since it's my name on the article and most readers don't realize that I didn't write the headline, I come off looking bland, witless, and incorrect.

You would think they would have at least called me first to see if there was anything wrong with the headline they wanted. There was. But they didn't.

I may have to rethink this article-writing thing.

Oh, well. At least a strategically-placed "only" in the second paragraph got past them. That's a partial victory.


Friday, April 06, 2007

Match my description with the movie!

1. Senile puppet hits blonde bitchboy/mass murderer with a stick.
2. Men eat chicken parts.
3. Wind In His Hair harbors secret crush for civil war soldier.
4. Braveheart for lesbians.
5. Gilbert Gottfried and Morton Downey Jr. enter an elevator with you, insist on standing right next to you, on either side of you, and argue loudly about petticoats and sausages for 131 minutes. Plus, they have diarrhea. And you have cancer. You HOPE the elevator cable snaps.
6. Adolescent boy eats chicken parts.
7. Fried pertaters and biscuits with mustard give way to Popeye's chicken and a 4-0 of Colt 45. The movie's tagline is "That's how I roll, mmm-hmmm."

a. Showgirls
b. Thelma & Louise
c. Dances With Wolves
d. Kiss of the Spider Woman
e. The Empire Strikes Back
f. The Mudge Boy
g. Sling Blade II: Karl in Tha Hood.


Wednesday, April 04, 2007


As a Libertarian, I am accustomed to losing. Always.

But it feels pretty good to score a real victory for the good guys once in awhile.

Operation Ex-Lax is concluded and was a total, unmitigated success.

The mayor and his two cronies on the council were, as Clyde Frazier and Keith Hernandez say in that commercial, . . .


Story here.

The two Alderman races were closer than I expected, which makes all the work I put into them that much more rewarding. Because maybe it was someone *I* reached out to that made the difference.

I should be gracious in my victory. And there may well come a time when I will be. But as demonstrated in this update at the end of the infamous TTA Dumbass Post, that day is not today.

Note the MIDI that plays when TTA is loaded now. Yep, that's "We Are The Champions" by Queen. A little predictable, I know. It's my second choice. I couldn't find a MIDI for my first choice, which was

"Na na na na, hey, he-ey . . . Good-Bye!"


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