The Arkanssouri Blog.: 09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Pro-Douchebag jackboots stalking Brett Darrow.

Is it possible to be a Double Douchebag?

I just checked the Wikipedia entry for July '07 Douchebag of the Month Dan Rutherford.

All reference to his little tantrum against Ron Paul supporters was gone.

I took a look at the revision history page to find out who did it, and look (at the red) what I found.

Click pic to embiggen.

If Dan Rutherford doesn't want people pointing out his douchebagginess, he should quit being douchebaggy.

I, of course, undid his revision.

He may be the first multiple winner of the Douchebag of the Month Award.

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Gonna be out of pocket for the next week or so.

And as my loyal minions know, I like my little Rain Man routines, and when they get disturbed, all hell breaks loose.

So, if I go for a few days without posting here, don't worry. I haven't been chopped into little pieces and sunk into Lake Norfork in beer coolers weighed down with concrete.

Nor am I locked in Danny DeVito's trunk with duct tape over my mouth.

And I'm not handcuffed naked to a chair in a lightless dungeon underneath the house of the chick who played Natalie on The Facts of Life, with jumper cables clamped on my nipples.

At least, probably not.

Live from the intersection of "Why Minnesota Sucks" and "Douchebag of the Month Nominees."

Sickening, just sickening.

Clark is accused of chasing a tame duck that was swimming in a pond at the Embassy Suites Hotel in St. Paul on Saturday.

Witnesses told authorities he eventually cornered the duck, grabbed it and tore its head off.

Someone ought to do the same thing to him.

Before all you NRAers get your panties in a wad, I am not anti-hunting. But there's a difference between shooting a wild mallard out in the field and ripping off the head of someone's pet, in front of them.

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Song of the Day: I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon.

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Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Arkanssouri Public Service Announcement.

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DOMA* Nominee Update!

Douchebag got FIRED!

One small step for non-douchebags everywhere.

* - DOMA means "Douchebag of the Month Award"

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If *I* got arrested every 38 seconds . . .

. . . I'd have to wonder if it's worth it to continue firing up the doobage.

A Marijuana User Gets Arrested Every 38 Seconds in America.

He should either quit or get better at concealing it.

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Song of the Day: That's how it goes.

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Gummint Cheese Prequel: 9/25/1975

Click pic to embiggen.

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Monday, September 24, 2007

Homer Simpsons of the World, Unite!

They'll take my doughnuts when they pry them from my cold, dead, sticky hands!

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The sad mime of life . . .

. . . becomes the sad mime of death.

Marcel Marceau, 1923 - 2007.

Surrender Monkey is inconsolable this morning.

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Song of the Day: I had to fight to make it mine.

BONUS SOTD! Turn the volume all the way down on this, and watch it while listening to this.

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Saturday, September 22, 2007

Song of the Day: Gonna wipe my @$$ with a PEZ Dispenser. . . . WHAT???!?!

When next we meet, my minions, it will be After The Equinox.

You know what THAT means...

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Just poppin' in for one quick question.

When did assault become a civil right?

Friday, September 21, 2007

Erma Harris: Violent Criminals Deserve Honors Too!

Erma thinks she has really told off those of us who don't think it's appropriate to close school for the day and allow the school to be used for the funeral of a violent criminal.

She begins by pointing out the violent criminal was not yet an adult:

17 – not old enough to buy alcohol or cigarettes. 17 – not old enough to vote. 17 – only old enough to drive a vehicle for a full year. 17 – four more years until a person is considered a real adult in every sense of the word. 17 – a very young age to die.

She must have forgotten "17 - old enough to get into an NC-17 movie" and "17 - much older than the Jonesboro shooters" and "17 - about the same age as Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold."

The peppers the story with irrelevant, hyperemotional rhetorical questions. "Can you imagine the fear . . .? Can you imagine the pain . . .?"

I let reason, not imagination, guide me, Erma. Do you KNOW how irrational you sound? Can't you SEE that schools are for teaching children, not honoring violent criminals?

Then she sets up a straw man to scold those of us who demand accountability from the Mammoth Spring school system.

The funeral was held at the school for only one reason, because his family asked to have it there. School was closed on Friday to allow the services to take place and to allow teachers and students who knew Jesse and his family to attend. This request was granted out of respect for a family who had lost a child. A family who were among the innocent victims of Jesse’s decision.


We can condemn Jesse’s actions but do we have the right to criticize how his family said goodbye?

Except that I don't know of anybody on our side that condemns the family for ASKING to have the funeral at the school. In fact, I have specifically pointed out that I don't blame them. In grief, sometimes one makes irrational choices.

Our point is that the school should have taken a step back, looked at the situation objectively and without emotion, and said "No, given the circumstances, that is not an appropriate action."

It's a lot easier to argue against the positions you WISH we were taking than it is to argue against the positions we actually take, isn't it Erma?

AND ONE MORE THING: This little line from the article --

Children didn’t attend classes on Monday but a very real life lesson was taught.

I fear you're right, Erma. Because that lesson is "Be a violent felon and people will honor you, while live-and-let-live, law-abiding types get ignored completely."

[For more, MUCH more, on this, take a look at the comments of my original post on the matter. You might also want to see the Topix discussion thread here.]

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Song of the Day: On Me Take, Me Take On.

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Thursday, September 20, 2007

They think I'm an eco-doof.

And, admittedly, when carrying it, I DO look like one.

A couple of weeks ago, I looked at the giant mound(s) of crumpled-up plastic grocery bags polluting my kitchen yet again and decided I need to do something to reduce my use of the damn things.

Not to save the earth, mind you, but to keep my kitchen from looking like crap.

I COULD just do what everyone else does and throw them away right after bringing them home, but my thrifty nature compels me to collect them and try to get a second use out of them. But even after lining all the small garbage cans with them, they leftovers still add up.

And I COULD take them over to Wal-Mart and stuff them in THEIR big box of bags, but something doesn't sit right with me about filling Wal-Mart's box with bags from other stores.

I wonder if at some point, Wal-Mart gets sick of all the bags trashing THEIR place and takes them to some other store with a similar box. Perhaps Target.

But I digress . . .

What I decided to do was reduce the number of plastic bags I bring home in the first place. I picked up a strappy canvas bag with a zipper, big enough to hold a little more than a case of loose aluminum cans of one's beverage of choice. It is black with a neon green America on each side, and some text I can't remember advertising some company. When I'm going to certain stores where I don't plan on buying very much, I take my little hippie bag and fill it up at the checkout.

Except one of these stores is the store where I GOT the bag, so I took a big permanent magic marker and wrote "GROCERY BAG" on it, so they could see I brought it from home and am not shoplifting it. It was free when I got it, but sometimes it costs $3.00. Any method to their pricing system escapes me.

One day, I didn't know we were going to Lane's grocery when we left the house for lunch, so I didn't bring the hippie bag. After lunch, we had some time to kill after lunch before the Angel Food Thing, so we stopped in at Lane's and picked up a bunch of their loose sodas ($.20 each). Both the owner, who was running the cash register, and the stock girl, paused at the end before putting my sodas into bags. They asked where my little bag was.

I was embarrassed. I must have looked like an embarrassed eco-doof.

Back in the day . . .

. . . these abnorms would have garnered a segment on Real People, alongside the Banana-Shaped-Universe proponents.


Song of the Day: Party Like Iraq's Tar.


Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Gummint Cheese Prequel: 9/19/1975

Click pic to embiggen.

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Yes, but does he know his ABCs?

Brain surgery leaves boy speaking like the Queen.

A-B-C-D-X-P-Q. R-X-Y-V... Hello! R-P...


Does NOBODY look at these things beforehand?

And I thought T.A.R.D. was bad.

Now we have S.L.U.T.!!!

Kevin may bitch about the Danger Train, but at least it's not a SLUT.

The two best lines in the article?

At Kapow! Coffee, a shop in the old Cascade neighborhood, 100 T-shirts bearing the words "Ride the SLUT" sold out in days, and another 100 are on order.


"We learned how fun it is to change the name of things."


Put down the Stephen King novel and go to bed.

Someone's been reading Dreamcatcher late at night.

Or maybe watching Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

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Not surprising.

Police report student told them: 'You didn't do anything wrong'.

You's a GOOD massa, Massa. You treats this ol' slave REAL GOOD. You doesn't beat me hardly AT ALL!

They've already tazed you at least once. Are you really gonna antagonize them by criticizing their actions?

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

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Song of the Day: Why you wanna tell me how to live my life?

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Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Hillary Clinton: Jail the poor.

An interesting tidbit in the latest version of Hillarycare:

Everyone would be required to take out health insurance, just as all drivers have car insurance.

Except that driving is a privelege. Existing is not.

And if you're too poor to buy health insurance, even with the subsidies, do you go to jail?

And I thought the Republicans were supposed to be the heartless bastards.

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Song of the Day: Lori and Judy dare to face any criminal anywhere.

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Monday, September 17, 2007

Hookah, line, and sinker.

Isn't there a line in WHITE RABBIT about a hookah-smoking Razorback?

I like this line:

In ancient times, hookahs were sometimes used to smoke illicit drugs ...

Yeah, if you replace "ancient" with "modern" and "sometimes" with "nearly always."


What does it say when you play "Jesus Loves You" backwards?


* - This phenonmenon was discovered by Mike Mothersbaugh of DEVO.

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Gummint Cheese Prequel: 9/17/1976

Click pic to embiggen.

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Let me get this straight.

Bitch exposes Fox to obscenity/indecency fines by using the term "Goddamn[ed?]."

Fox, not unreasonably, is not happy with bitch polluting their airwaves and mutes her ass.

And this is not a company refusing to provide someone else a forum, but rather somehow censorship? Doesn't the freedom of association inherently include the right to disassociate?

Private individuals and companies are incapable of censoring others. The government is the only one with that power. Censorship means arresting or otherwise punishing people for what they say, not refusing to further provide them with a forum. Fox is simply no longer providing the soapbox. If bitch wants to be a pottymouth, she can do it at her house.

If she did, I doubt Fox can or would arrest her.

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In one ear and out da uder, doncha know?*

Mr. Hanna has totally ignored all the Why Wisconsin Sucks posts here and is off to the frozen Hinterlands.

Don't say I dinna warn ye, Mister Hanna.

Say Hi to Fonzie for me.

* - Yes, I know that post title is more reminiscent of Minnesotans, but I defy you to show me any substantial difference between citizens of the two states.

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Song of the Day: Gonna Set My Soul On Fire.

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Thursday, September 13, 2007

Arkanssouri Public Service Announcement.

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Questions for the Mammoth Spring School Board.

Do students get the day off for funerals for Mammoth Spring residents killed in Iraq?

If not, then why do they get the day off for the funeral of an armed robber (twice) and shooter of an old man?

Another nominee for September '07 Douchebag of the Month Award.

The second nominee this month is Sgt. James Kuehnlein:

The videos are a little lengthy, so here is an excerpt:

Officer: You wanna try me? You wanna try me tonight? You think you have a bad night? I will ruin your [expletive] night. You wanna try me? Do you wanna try me young boy? You wanna try me tonight young boy? You wanna go to jail for some [expletive] reason I come up with? You wanna see who knows the law better, me or you?

Nope, no power complex there, is there?

Not only should this Nazi be fired, every conviction on which he has ever worked should be overturned due to his admission that he manufactures charges.

And people wonder why I call them jackbooted thugs.

UPDATE: KMOX finds out the douchebag's in-car video has "mysteriously" disappeared.

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Sandy "Stickypants" Berger back on the scene!

Lengthy post over at BeldarBlog, but well worth the read.

An excerpt:

Last month, Newsweek's Michael Hirsh revealed, as part
of a story about younger Clintonistas who were "defecting" to Barack Obama's
campaign, that Berger was indeed functioning as a close adviser to Sen.

Younger former Clintonites ... are also wary of what one describes as Hillary's "closed circle," including her husband and a triumvirate of senior officials from his presidency — Holbrooke, Albright and former national-security adviser Sandy Berger.

Do we want a President who seeks advice from a traitor?

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

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Gummint Cheese Prequel: 9/13/1975

Click pic to embiggen.

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Song of the Day: Blow they doors off, Stroker!

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Wednesday, September 12, 2007

You are now free to move both your mouth and your foot about England.

Here's a headline for you:

English foot and mouth movement ban ends.

Yeah, yeah. I KNOW it's about the name of a disease.

But the alternate possible meaning amuses me more.

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Pop quiz.

Q: Which of the following as a "Board of Healing Arts"?

A. The city of San Francisco
B. UC-Berkeley
C. The Village in NYC
D. The state of Kansas.

Bonus Question: Do they have a Board of Basketweaving, too?

Gummint Cheese Prequel: 9/12/1975

Click pic to embiggen.

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Song of the Day: Underneath this Armadillo Sky.

My Girlfriend Might, by the Smokin' Armadillos.

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Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Monday, September 10, 2007

I am inspired . . .

. . . by something Carlin wrote in the comments of a blogHOUSTON post:

There really is a correlation between the level of intellect and smoking/non-smoking.

TANGENT: I would *like* to post this in the comments of that post, but I am having difficulty signing in there for some reason.

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How many days would they have taken off if he had KILLED THE GUY? A week?

Mammoth Spring schools are closed today in observance of the funeral of twice armed-robber and once shooter-of-an-old-man Jessie Johnson, who died in the Oregon County jail fire.

Way to set an example for the kids there, guys.

Contact info for Mammoth Spring High School:

410 Goldsmith Ave
Mammoth Spring, AR 72554
(870) 625-7212
(870) 625-7213

UPDATE: Here's some more contact info, for those interested:

According to the Mammoth Spring school website, here are the school board members:

Remona Combs
Route 2 Box 56A
Mammoth Spring, Arkansas 72554.

Mark Cooper
5 Patricia Ave
Mammoth Spring, AR 72554-9792
(870) 625-3658

Donell Russell
182 Bamber
Mammoth Spring, AR 72554
(870) 625-7541

Devon Smoot
17172 Highway 9 N
Mammoth Spring, AR 72554-7082
(870) 625-3953

John Walsh
PO Box674
Mammoth Spring, AR 72554-0674
(870) 625-3089

And here's the superintendent:
Mr. Ronald Taylor
6375 Highway 63 S
Mammoth Spring, AR 72554-9232
(870) 625-7571

Let me get this straight.

Tapping your foot in the bathroom -- criminal.
Nude carpentry -- A-OK!!


Gummint Cheese Prequel: 9/10/75.

Click pic to embiggen.

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I knew they were ambiguophiles a long time ago.

NYU,UCLA scientists have just now discovered that liberals hate certainty and consistency.

Exploring the neurobiology of politics, scientists have found that liberals tolerate ambiguity and conflict better than conservatives because of how their brains work.

No sh*t, Sherlock. That's kind of what makes them liberals -- there's no right and no wrong, just a mushy gray middle.

All you have to do is listen to their rants against ideology for a couple of minutes and you already know this.

Next thing you know, they'll be studying whether or not water is wet. Or if people have sex because it feels good.

BTW: Does this mean we can now finally classify liberalism as a mental illness?

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

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Heh heh.

Kevin to NCAA: Suck my Football Championship Subdivision!

Note: Yes, I realize the NCAA doesn't want to use the designation I-AA any more, but I prefer it.

Boycott the retarded name. Good idea.


Gummint Cheese Prequel: 9-9-75.

Click pic to embiggen.

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Song of the Day: Here's a little song I wrote.

It is 1989. I am a student at then-SMSU. I am in Blair-Shannon, walking to the cafeteria for lunch.

Upon entering, to the left is this large formal-ish lobby-type area, complete with gigantic white drapes that stretch all the way from the near-twenty-foot ceiling to the floor. It is vaguely reminescent of something out of the Art Deco era, like a place the Rat Pack would have lounged about in while waiting for some unsuspecting co-ed to meet them.

Off to the right is a small, more informal lounge area, complete with a few dumpy chairs, some video games, and a television perched in an upper corner.

And this is playing:

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Saturday, September 08, 2007

Question for Robert Blaisdell of Nashua NH:

If you believe that a laissez-faire attitude is something that people endure, rather than enjoy, why then do you continue to live in a place that bills itself as the Live Free or Die state?

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A little catchup.

I now belatedly post the winners so far for this little blog's Douchebag of the Month awards.

July '07 -- Matt Westerhold.
August '07 -- Dan Rutherford.


As opposed to s**kers of Big Brother's c**k such as Lou Dobbs.

Now HERE's a piece of objective journalism for you:

You know, the idiotic libertarians are slinking around in the dark here. This is a job for our government. Get used to it. There is a role for it and it is to protect the American people.

Can we sue CNN for false advertising, in that it claims to be the Cable NEWS Network and not the Big Government Promotion Network?

Libertarians fully recognize that there is a place for the government in holding Mattel (and by extension, China) accountable for Leadgate. And that place is in the courts, not in anti-freedom protectionist practices.

Lou Dobbs is the first nominee for the September '07 Douchebag of the Month award.

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Wimmen are Bad.

FLORENCE, Ore. (AP) - A woman was arrested and charged with arson and
burglary after police say she set fire to the home of a neighbor she thought had
stolen her keys.

Sgt. Clint Riley of the Lane County Sheriff's Office said the 23-year-old
woman later found her keys hanging from her pants pocket.

Bitch oughtta DIE!!! Is arson a capital offense in Oregon?

Were they playing lacrosse without a license?

Gotta love Boston headline writers:

Former prosecutor in Duke lacrosse case begins 1-day sentence


What can we ban today?

I know! Peanuts!

I wish this "I Am Allergic" defense had been around when I was in school.

I would have found a way to prove I'm allergic to homework, jocks, and idiots.

Not to mention leftist teachers.


Gummint Cheese Prequel: 9/8/76

Click pic to embiggen.

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Song of the Day: We get these pills to swallow; how they stick.

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Friday, September 07, 2007

Fire at Oregon County courthouse kills inmate, 3 others critical.

You gotta love the Huckadrones.

From Doctrine Unites via Lew:

Probably not many Christians will pray a prayer like this, but a Southern California pastor might as well do. He encourages his flock to pray for the death of those who opposed his endorsement of Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee by using his church’s stationery and Internet program.


Who is Henry Galt?

Michael Righi, not driving, arrested for not showing his driver's license.

[H/T 2 Jones Report.]


A local radio station has what it calls "Nearly Impossible Question Fridays." Every Friday they ask a question that at first is so broad it's nearly impossible to answer.

Clues get more and more specific until someone wins. Usually the prize is a CD.

Unfortunately, it happens at the time I leave to come here.

But I caught enough of it this morning that I *would* have won.

The first clue was "25% of all Americans have done this."

The second clue was "Everyone gets their 15 minutes of fame."

OBVIOUSLY, the answer is "Paris Hilton."


Freedom-hating kawksukkas.


Song of the Day: Got me a gun and a badge; I'm a man!

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Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Since YouTube seems to be working now . . .

. . . here's a bonus Song of The Day.

This one's for Larry Craig, who might not be resigning after all.

He's Back (The Man Behind The Mask)

Give 'em hell, Larry!

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I am Smell Your Fear*. And your breath.

From a Reason post on source code for breathalyzer machines being forcibly made public:

Manufacturers of the devices have been refuses for years to turn over source code, saying it's proprietary.

Have been refuses?

I know it's just a typo and in the larger sense of things, inconsequential to the orderly functioning of the universe.

But such things amuze me.

* - The headline is a reference to the 1987 Presidential Precollege Program at then-SMSU. After a trip to see, of all things, ISHTAR, this was a favorite catchphrase of several budding geniuses. Or is that "geniui"?

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They can have my DNA when they pry it from my cold, dead . . . well, you know.

To The People alerts us to yet another example of Brit Brotherism:

The entire UK population and every visitor to Britain should be put on the national DNA database, a top judge said today.


Mike Rogers: Follow your Big Gay Marching Orders or else!

Mike Rogers engages in a high-tech lynching of uppity gays.

In Rogers' mind, if you're against gay rights in your public life and you
live a secret homosexual life, all bets are off.

Yeah, except that the Big Gay Marching Orders include among their "gay rights," criminalizing what people think. And taking away the rights of business owners to run their businesses the way they see fit. Does the privilege of enjoying dude-on-dude action require the outsourcing of one's decision making to Gay Central Command?

And Rogers doesn't seem to realize that the freedom to choose to live his life out of the closet is THE VERY SAME DAMN FREEDOM as the freedom to choose to live one's life IN the closet.

But there I go again, having an opinion of my own that doesn't fall into lockstep with Gay Central Command. How uppity of me.

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Excessive Throttling Madness!!!

Fayetteville considering a ban on "excessive throttling."

No, not the excessive throttling O.J. gave to Nicole.

Revving your car engine; THAT kind of excessive throttling.

I note the inherent subjectivity of the term "excessive."

And note that even a perfect muffler, one that silences all noise, would not be a defense against a charge of excessive throttling.

And remember a couple of years ago when the titty pink Escort had a pinhole in a vacuum hose I could not find. Until I *did* find it, whenever idling at a stoplight, I would have to rev the engine to keep it from stalling.

Apparently, in Fayetteville, I would be a Menace To Society.

Stupid, big-government losers.


Song of the Day: Call the police is the last thing you should do unless somebody's actually shootin' at you.

Seem to be having trouble with YouTube today, so here's another one from Deep Toad.

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Tuesday, September 04, 2007

The most alarming thing . . .

. . . about this article on Britain approving Dr. Moreau-style humanimal hybrids is not the Dr. Moreau-style humanimal hybrids, no no.

The most alarming thing comes in the last four words of the opening sentence.

Plans to allow British scientists to create human-animal embryos are expected to be approved tomorrow by the government's fertility regulator.

The government's fertility regulator.

The government's fertility regulator.

The government's fertility regulator.

Think about that a moment.

Now, on to the Dr. Moreau-style humanimal hybrids.

I've always wanted a Wolfhuahua.

But I don't think a Wolfhuaman would be a good idea.

I haven't seen two things more mismatched since that time G.G. and the Murder Junkies were the guest musical act on Hee-Haw.

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Lingering questions on The Craig Matter.

1. Who goes cruising for toilet sex in a suit and tie? Wouldn't you need something a little more easy-access, like maybe sweatpants?

2. Republicans have to resign after flirting with a twinky little cop in a men's room. Yet Democrats stay in office after hiding bribe money in their freezer, going on a bender and crashing their car into the Capitol, having "not sexual relations" with a chubby chick in the Oval Office (which is by any reasonable definition more public than a men's room), and drowning secretaries. Does this mean the Democrats will always win?

3. Can any place where you can shamelessly poop without repercussions really be considered public?

4. What's with this "known to cause resentment" crap? You can't do anything in Minnesota that others might resent? Well, *I* resent the Mondale candidacies! Arrest the bastard!

5. Was this a desire to engage in toilet sex per se, or is it a function of having to live in the closet? Where does a closeted man get some without a probability of being exposed (this case notwithstanding), if not in brief, anonymous, no-strings-attached encounters?

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People on glass Segways . . .

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

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Song of the Day: He only introduced me to a wider reality.

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Saturday, September 01, 2007

Bonus Song of the Day: There's little things you hide and little things that you show.

This one goes out to Larry Craig.

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Gonna be a busy day.

So, light posting here.

One thing, though.

I woke up this morning, looked at the thermometer in my living room, and asked Tiny, my minpin, "How can 65 degrees feel so warm in the spring and so damn cold now?"

He looked up at me, tilted his little head curiously, and replied "Apparently, one's comfort level is subjective."


Song of the Day: Waiting for someone to tell you everything.

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