Proven Facts About Ron Paul

The Founding Fathers were often heard debating "Is this in keeping with Ron Paul's vision for America?"

Nietzche's original title for the book was "Man & Ron Paul."

The reason there was never a Rocky movie featuring Ron Paul is that Ron Paul would win.

That star that lit up the night sky on the first Christmas? That was Ron Paul.

Ron Paul is not allowed in the Batcave because Batman knows Dr. Paul could kick his ass.

Ron Paul invented democracy.

There are pieces of Adolf Hitler in Ron Paul's stools.

There is a secret plan in place to deal with a planet-killer asteroid. It's called, "Operation Ron Paul."

The Statue of Liberty was constructed to be a bride for Ron Paul.

Ron Paul invented toenail clippers.

Helen Thomas would spontaneously combust if touched by Ron Paul.

The Berlin Wall was erected to keep East Berliners from gazing upon the beauty of Ron Paul.

Viagra takes Ron Paul to obtain and maintain an erection.

Barry White's final words were "DAMN Ron Paul's SMOOOOoooth!"

Diamonds are slightly less than half as hard as Ron Paul's testicles.

All Republican men harbor a secret mancrush on Ron Paul.

Ron Paul could "cure" all lesbianism if he wanted to.

Jalapenos eat Ron Paul to feel the spicy burn.

Ron Paul is immune to time and gravity.

Why do the grunion run? They're running from Ron Paul.

Jimi Hendrix and Eric Clapton took guitar lessons from Ron Paul.

Ron Paul invented sex.

Ron Paul carved the Hall of Justice out of granite with his bare hands.

Ron Paul uses steel wool as a loofah.