"I am a wall, and my breasts like towers: then was I in his eyes as one that found favour."

Web site operators posting sexually explicit information must place official government warning labels on their pages or risk being imprisoned for up to five years, the Bush administration proposed Thursday.

I can see it now. Warning labels plastered all over the online editions of the Bible. Especially the passage in the Song of Solomon about the other f-word, the mere mention of which makes Kevin squirm:

My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him.

Solomon's saying that, mind you. Solomon was a dude.

And who knows WHAT kind of label they're gonna put on all that kissing, bowing, and exceeding that David did with Jonathan.

Then there's the drugging and incestuous rape of the most moral man in Sodom:

Gen 19:33 And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.


Gen 19:34 And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, [and] lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.


Gen 19:35 And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.


Gen 19:36 Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.

Hey, if Big Bro's gonna put warning labels on, say, nekkid pictures of Carlos Mencia or graphic details of what a writer would like to do with Immanuel Lewis, then equal protection under the law demands that it puts labels on the Bible.

And Lady Chatterly's Lover. And The Scarlet Letter. And on and on.