Why I never went to raves.

Other than the fact that I live in, like, East Nbyutfuq, Egypt. And the nearest rave was all the way over in Northwest Nbutfuq.

The music they play in raves sounds like this. For hours.

With a lot of annoying people there.

With glowsticks.

And I don't own a pacifier.

Or a Dr. Seuss hat.