I hope Sheriff Joe Arpaio doesn't make me wear a pink jumpsuit . . .

. . . when they quarantine me like a criminal in his jail. Because being fat is now contagious.

Pink is SO not my color. Makes us fat people look like a giant wad of bubble gum.

I knew they'd manufacture a justification for calling it an "epidemic" sooner or later.

Can I get a double-order of prison slop, cafeteria lady? Your hairnet looks fabulous.