Kevin writes porn.

It seems my friend Kevin has honed the art of writing passages of computer geek porn (my commentary in brackets):

If I weren't constrained by the fun of a 24k dialup connection [unh . . . oh, yeah, baby . . . dial that big boy) today (fun!), I would have grabbed the mySQL [grab 'em! grab 'em hard!] databases from HM when they got the DOS under control [Who's your daddy? Who's in control?] earlier today and flipped the DNS [yeah, that's it, baby. Flip it good.] to blogHOUSTON over to my backup host [Back that thing up. Right here, baby!] (where this blog is hosted).

After reading this passage, somewhere, the 21st-century version of David Lightman needs a moist towelette.