The Arkanssouri Blog.: I watched it twice, just to make sure.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

I watched it twice, just to make sure.

It pains me to write this.

I am a comic book fan and specifically an X-Men fan.

So I was looking forward to X-Men: The Last Stand coming to cable.

It came.

I was underwhelmed.

The movie is a mess.

The first thing I noticed is that apparently the Rapture came, and the only one it took was Nightcrawler, because he is nowhere to be found in the movie and no explanation at all is given for his disappearance.

The second thing I noticed is that, much like in the comic, the character Colossus has almost zero depth. I don't know if they just haven't figured out how to use him or what.

The there's Beast, who almost pulls off the look except that his makeup makes him look perpetually greasy. Beast is furry (as is Nightcrawler, whose makeup was similarly botched in the second movie), not greasy. And apparently he was a full-fledged X-Man sometime in the past, yet Wolverine somehow has no idea who he is.

And Jean Grey. How can she have lost all of her acting ability between the second and third movies?

There's an androgynous SHOCKWAVE character, who apparently becomes part of Magneto's inner circle, but whose entire purpose in the movie is to clap her hands for a couple of minutes in one scene. I don't think she even has any dialogue.

The movie's just a mess. Admittedly, for brief moments, it's a fun mess, but a mess nonetheless.

Here's a summary, so you don't have to waste an hour and a half of your time watching the movie.

The best scene of the movie is part of the opening one, featuring a Sentinel attack. Unfortunately, it's not real. It's a training exercise in the Danger Room (Star Trek fans, think "holodeck.")

Then Jean comes to life and kills her boyfriend/husband Cyclops.

Then she kills Prof X.

Iceman flirts with a VERY young Shadowcat. And I do mean VERY. She looks and acts like she's about eight.

As a result Rogue pouts.

Beast quits his job with the government; Angel jumps out of a window.

Magneto and his homies attack Alcatraz.

Shadowcat and Mutant Nullification Boy defeat a strangely buff and kinda hot Juggernaut. Shadowcat calls him "Dickhead."

Wolverine kills Jean Grey.

Along the way, Rogue, Magneto, and Mystique get demutified. Rogue voluntarily; the others not.

Awful; just awful.

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