I just want a record of this.

Bright and ugly this morning, I loaded up the lawn mower and weed eater to go to Koshkonong Cemetery to do a little work on my maternal grandparents', an uncle's and an aunt's graves. At that cemetery, they tend not no mow until right before a holiday.

Those of you who actually live here in Arkanssouri know this is a perfect recipe for breeding ticks and chiggers.

So I took matters into my own hands and loaded the equipment into my little titty-pink Escort wagon.

I had to break down the handle on the mower to fit it in, but this was accomplished by removing two wingnuts and taking the top half of the handle off.

It fit in, but I couldn't accelerate very fast without it banging into the rear window.

So I drove cautiously (remember that; there'll be a test later.)

I got there, reassembled the mower and did my tasks. Planted a few portulacas on the three graves, broke the mower down and reloaded it and the weed eater.

Headed home. Again cautiously. Accelerated slowly and never topped 60 MPH (which was the speed limit.) In fact, I doubt if I topped 55 MPH.

Got back to Thayer. Right before turning off the highway was a little portable electronic sign.

It said "Your Speed -- 67 MPH" then blinked off as I passed it.

It lied. It was off by at least seven to twelve miles per hour! I wonder if radar guns are off by that much. I will probably get a ticket in the mail for this.

Big Brother is not only watching me; he's trying to frame me.

I'd like to see Big Brother drive my little titty-pink wagon 67 MPH from Kosh to Thayer with a loose lawn mower in the back without breaking out the rear window. I doubt it can be done.