But one last mental exercise . . .

Suppose Fiona Apple has a male child out of wedlock. Let's call him Jim. Jim Apple.

Now suppose Jim Apple grows up and marries Apple Paltrow, who would then become Apple Apple.

But then they get divorced, but Apple keeps the last name.

Then she marries Bobby Beauxbapple, but hyphenates the last name.

To Apple Apple-Beauxbapple.

But again, she divorces. This time she goes back to being Apple Paltrow.

But not for long. For she has met the man of her dreams, marries him, and takes his last name. No hyphens, no keeping her maiden name. She's fully committed to this relationship, so she takes only his last name.

His first name is Joey.

His last name is Macintosh.

And Mrs. Apple Macintosh, oddly enough, goes to work for IBM.