A $12.61 pack of cigarettes.

So my mom runs out of ciggies yesterday and I head out for a quick trip to the convenience store to get her a pack. On the way, I spot a yard sale. I stop by for a quick search for bargains. I come across this walker with a built-in collapsible seat. It would be perfect for my cousin, who has symptoms consistent with early MS but that the doctors insist doesn't have MS. It costs five bucks. I buy it and load it in the back of my little titty pink station wagon. I get the cigs ($2.61) and return home, where I discover the walker has the bottoms of the two rear legs missing. These parts, in conjunction with the front ones, make the walker height-adjustable. No problem. I know a sort of swap-meet-flea-market-perpetual-yard-sale that ALWAYS has old walkers bought at estate auctions for sale cheap. I go there and buy one for another five bucks. I return home and find that, while the bottom parts fit on the chair walker, the little buttons you push to adjust the heights don't fit through the little holes. Why the hell isn't there an industry standard on these things? So, now I am out ten bucks and have two piles of useless metal sitting in the middle of my living room. I should have KNOWN that for me, altruistic impulses never end well. Ayn Rand would gleefully inform me that she TOLD me so!

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