I sat in Dairy Queen yesterday . . .

. . . eating my Chicken Strip Basket with Hickory BBQ Sauce and sipping my Dr. Pepper, looking out the window at the traffic going by, which periodically stopped at the traffic light.

Just on the edge of my field of vision, which was partially obstructed by the edge of the window, there was a big, chartered-looking bus. I could only read the first two letters of the gigantic word printed on it's side.

"HO".

I wondered what it could be.

The light changed, and as the bus pulled forward, one by one the rest of the letters came into view.

"T"
"A"
"R"
"D".

Electric Company-style, I put the word together.

"Ho. Tard."
"Ho-Tard."
"HOTARD!"

It was at that moment I deduced it must be Paris Hilton's tour bus.

In the next moment, my future was irretrievably altered.

Because deep down inside, you know that now I just HAVE to start nominating and awarding Ho-Tards of the Month!

I KNOW I KNOW!!! PICK ME!! PICK ME!!!!

A local radio station has what it calls "Nearly Impossible Question Fridays." Every Friday they ask a question that at first is so broad it's nearly impossible to answer.

Clues get more and more specific until someone wins. Usually the prize is a CD.

Unfortunately, it happens at the time I leave to come here.

But I caught enough of it this morning that I *would* have won.

The first clue was "25% of all Americans have done this."

The second clue was "Everyone gets their 15 minutes of fame."

OBVIOUSLY, the answer is "Paris Hilton."

Our long national nightmare is over.

Paris Hilton released from jail.

(Ron Paul's still kicking her ass on Technorati, though.)

FPT: Famous People Time.

Apparently, FPT applies even if you're famous just for being famous.

Paris Hilton out of jail after 5 days of a 45 day sentence.

Only the little people serve more than 12% of their time.

If she had killed JonBenet or Nicole Brown Simpson and admitted to it immediately, she'd be out by now.

Ron Paul kicks Paris Hilton's ass!

Seen on Technorati this morning:

Gummint Cheese XXXL.

Look! Look! Today's comic has twelve . . . count 'em, twelve freakin' panels!

Click pic to unsmallify it.