Who would win a verbal smackdown, a black woman or a Brit?

[B]eing called a "murderer" by a bunny-hugging, Guardian-reading, lentil-eating, benefits-claiming, pot-smoking soap-dodger with pink hair driving a polluting old car rankled somewhat.

My money's on the Brit.

The best points are often found in the comments.

In the comments section of a (good in and of itself) Marginal Revolution post on the marital contract:

If traditional (heterosexual, monogamous, procreative, customarily religious) family arrangements are, as claimed, superior to same-sex or other innovations, then they should outperform those innovations in the cultural market.

Word of the Day: Risible.

From an Out of Control article on the FCC cooking the cable numbers:

A particular point of dispute is a new data in a report from Martin’s staff that found that 71.4 percent of households with access to cable subscribe. Under a 23-year-old law, the FCC has the right to impose greater regulations if cable adoption goes above 70 percent. Martin is using the findings in the staff report as justification to exert broader authority over the cable industry.

Trouble is, this 71 percent finding by Martin’s staff runs counter to all other current market research. The new FCC report says cable TV is available to 94.2 million U.S. homes, of which 67.2 million subscribe. These numbers are risible.

No, it does not mean the numbers have the ability to rise.

It means "laughable."

So why not just say "laughable"?

Global Warming? Blame Canada!

Canadian beer drinkers, specifically.

It remains to be seen whether or not Al Gore will advocate a full-scale invasion force to go into Canada and seize their beer fridges.

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

X.M.A.S. decorations about towne.

Over on Flickr, they have a group of pictures called "The Horror of Christmas." They could devote an entire subgroup to Thayer alone.

Here is a sample of some of the holiday spirit in Thayer. I took these pictures yesterday.

That one's what the inside of those X.M.A.S. Light Trees looks like.

Santa is scary.

Song of the Day: Who's that casting defeatist stares in my direction?

Seen on my MYSPACE page this morning.

Let me add one...

. . . to the list of reasons why Mike Huckabee shouldn't even be elected dogcatcher.

In the very late 1980's, I came home to Sturkie, Arkansas, from college one weekend to find my parents very upset. They hadn't slept at all the night before.

Their cattle that they were pasturing on rented land had disappeared.

When they found who had taken them, it was a couple who had bought the land from the man my parents were renting from.

They had had an agreement with the man that they would be allowed to use the pasture until the first of the year. He had told the buyers this and they agreed.

But they had loaded up the cattle and taken them to their farm anyway and wouldn't let my parents have them back until a trial happened. My parents couldn't even go look at the cattle to make sure they weren't being mistreated or neglected without a police escort.

During the trial, the couple claimed that since both agreements were oral contracts, they were not binding. Not surprisingly, the judge ruled otherwise and my parents got their cattle back. When they were returned, however, they were all sick and my parents lost a lot of money on them in ADDITION to the court costs.

The husband was later convicted in a seperate case of two counts of cattle theft. The wife testified in his defense.

All this information is verifiable in the County Clerk's office of Fulton County, Arkansas, in the county seat of Salem.

Mike Huckabee knew all this. And appointed the wife to the state Elections Commissioners Board anyway.

And that is why I will never, EVER vote for Mike Huckabee. In fact, if he's the Republican nominee, I MAY have to vote Democrat instead of Libertarian because the stakes are so high. In appointing this woman, he exposed himself for the disgusting and reprehensible pro-theft subhuman piece of filth that he is. And if YOU vote for him, you better not let ME find out about it, because I may never talk to you again.

[H/T 2 Drudge for the list.]



Vote outside the box. Ron Paul '08.

I warn you ahead of time . . .

. . . this is going to sound like one of those Kip questions.

Is requiring college students to buy a Sprint cellphone with GPS tracking a legitimate government* function?

What if the student's dad works for AT&T? What if the student is Amish?

When I went to [S]MSU, they had an exclusive Coke contract so that no Pepsi vending machines would be allowed on campus, but even THEY did not require you to purchase Coke. You could always go to Dillon's or Git-n-Go and buy Pepsi and bring it back to campus.

[H/T 2 Two Johns No Waiting on KMOX.]

* - Montclair State is a public college, supported with tax dollars and therefore a tentacle of the government.

Does this happen to anyone else . . .

. . . or is it just me because my brain works in strange ways sometimes?

When watching a TV show or movie from the 70's, it feels to me like everyone on the show is poor, because they all drive (now) old, crappy cars and dress like they got their clothes at Goodwill. This even happens with shows where the people are supposed to be rich, like The Jeffersons or Soap.

I have a similar perception of Christmas bulbs. When I was a kid, the small, indoorish lights were fairly new and anyone putting up the big, old, outdoorish ones was doing so because they couldn't afford to replace them. So now when I see the big ones, they look cheap and tacky.

Song of the Day: This may be the last time you hear the Boogey Song.

Ewwww!

Is there a kid in your family you don't particularly like but feel obligated to buy a gift for?

How about . . .

"COOKING WITH POOH"?

See if you can follow the logic here.

Earlier this year, the officer’s widow, Michelle Haskett-Godbee, formally requested that the medical examiner review the case. She hoped that if her husband’s death was formally linked to the trade center attack, his name would be added to the official list of 9/11 victims.

But the medical examiner, Dr. Charles S. Hirsch, turned down Mrs. Haskett-Godbee’s request in a letter dated June 13, which was reported Monday in The Daily News.

“All persons killed at the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001 and others who died later from complications of injuries or exposure directly caused by the collapse of the twin towers on that day are homicide victims,” Dr. Hirsch wrote. “However, P.O. Godbee first arrived at the World Trade Center site on September 13, 2001.”

By that logic, since the Anthrax victims were exposed after the Anthrax killer mailed the letters, there was no homicide.

And since a bullet strikes the victim after the shooter fires the gun, there's no homicide there either.

And if you happen to step on a landmine a few days after it was set, there's no homicide there, either. Hell, let's just go all the way with that idea and insist that you're not really dead!

Ladies and gentlemen, the latest Douchebag of the Month nominee is Dr. Charles S. Hirsch.

What's the old football saying . . .

. . . once is a fluke, two's a trend, three's a problem?

Rhode Island Hospital has been fined $50,000 and reprimanded by the state
Department of Health after its third instance this year of a doctor performing
brain surgery in the wrong side of a patient's head.

Is Newt Gingrich ghostwriting the sports section of the LA Times?

The Newtster had a knack for coming up with excellent split predicate-adjectives. "It was bizarre and grotesque" comes to mind.

So it was with a mixture of melancholy, nostalgia, and deja vu that I read this excellent and apt headline:

Dolphins are soggy and winless.

Song of the Day: More Cowbells!

Erma, Erma, Erma.

In this editorial, Erma spends as much time objecting to the men's physical attributes (one is tall and the other is overweight) as she does objecting to their alleged rape and murder of a child.

Nothing like putting your priorities in order, Erma.

Apparently, 9/11 didn't happen.

This little tidbit from an article on NYC's lower-than-usual homicide rate this year caught my eye:

The homicide figure continues a remarkable slide since 1990, when New York recorded its greatest number of killings in a single year, 2,245, and when untold scores of the victims were killed in violence between strangers.

Gee. I could SWEAR I remember something about roughly 3000 people being murdered in one day in 2001.

What happened to "Never forget"?


[H/T 2 Daniel Drezner.]

Which one was he again?

The one who tapped his foot in the bathroom, or the one that talked about "nappy-headed hos"?*

Senator Trent Lott to resign.

* - I'm kidding. Of COURSE I know he's the one who conveniently "forgot" about the Whitewater documents hidden in the closet!

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

We have Czars for everything else . . .

. . . why don't we have a Pork Czar?

He could be appointed by the President, confirmed by the Senate, and headquartered in the General Accounting Office and have all their resources at his disposal.

He would be responsible for identifying and highlighting pork in all bills sent to the President.

To qualify as pork, the item in question would have to be:

1. Not a federal responsibility.
or
2. Unrelated to the purpose of the bill.

And give the President a limited line-item veto with the power to remove only those things the Pork Czar has identified in the bill as pork.

Song of the Day: We will find you acting on your best behaviour.

NBCSports makes football rankings safe for democracy.

Fans can rank NFL teams from first to worst here.

My own scoring system relies on win-loss records only secondarily. More important are road wins and home losses.

So here are my rankings:

1. New England
2. Dallas
3. Green Bay
4. Indianapolis
5. Jacksonville
6. Pittsburgh
7. Cleveland
8. Seattle
9. New York Giants
10. Tampa Bay
11. Tennessee
12. San Diego
13. Detroit
14. Chicago
15. Philly
16. New Orleans
17. Minnesota
18. Houston
19. Arizona
20. Washington
21. Denver
22. Buffalo
23. Baltimore
24. Carolina
25. Kansas City
26. Cincy
27. San Francisco
28. Oakland
29. Atlanta
30. St. Louis
31. Miami
32. New York Jets

A Douchebag Masquerading As A Ho-Tard.

It's Black Friday, 4:55 AM. I am standing in line waiting for the local Wally World to open. The line stretches halfway across the parking lot, and I am toward the end.

And it's cold as hell.

The doors open and the crowd begins to make it's way into the store.

People step out of their heated cars and politely make their way to the back of the line.

Except for one middle-aged bitch and her twenty-something daughter, who go directly up to the door and push their way in.

Surely she's not stupid enough to not understand the concept of a line. But that's how she's acting.

She'd rather be regarded as incredibly stupid than as what she really is.

It starts with "c" and rhymes with "blunt."

But deep inside she knows. And she knows that WE know.

And every morning when she looks in the mirror, she doesn't see the Ho-Tard that she WANTS to see. She sees the Douchebag that she IS.

I used to hope such people would die.

I even left one particularly douchey woman a note on her car one holiday season when she muscled her car in front of mine to get into a parking row first so she could nab a particularly good parking spot. It was a different Wal-Mart in a different holiday season.

I had to park further out, and scribbled a note before leaving my car.

As I walked past her car, I left it under her wiper blades.

It said, "I hope you DIE this holiday season, you parking-spot stealing BITCH!!!"

More mature now, I realize she could pretend to interpret that as a threat, not a hope. And the police could pretend to believe her. And while I would ultimately convince a jury that it is what it says it is-- a hope, not a threat, it would cause me a lot of headache until then.

So I don't hope they die any more.

I hope for things that I have no power to directly cause.

I hope THIS season's douchebag, for instance, gets Twat Cancer and diarrhea so explosive she blows all her intestines out of her anus.

And her daughter gets an eating disorder and has to eat them.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the very FIRST female Arkanssouri Douchebag of the Month nominee. She shall be nominated under the name "Inconsiderate, unidentified c*nt at Wal-Mart."

I've heard of "gay-friendly" and even "gay-adjacent" . . .

. . . but gay-questionable?

There would be more substantial posting today . . .

. . . but apparently the government employees who run the Thayer Library feel no need to open on time and showed up a half hour late this morning, and I'm in a time crunch today.

Song of the Day: Elvis is King.

Song of the Day: Thanksgiving Edition.

Proof decision-by-committee is just stupid.

Hey ASU mascot selection committee retards, how, exactly, does one draw an "Express"?

Hack the Sun poll with stupid choices (not like you have any choice but to anyway) here.

You'd think someone along the line could have come up with "Scorpions," considering how many of the little monsters scurry about all over the area.

But no. We have retarded possibilities like the ASU A's.

And in the history of mankind, has a mallard EVER inspired ANYONE on to victory? Did Braveheart have a mallard sidekick we don't know about?

Fucking retarded, that's what it is. Just absolutely fucking retarded.

Simple Chronic Hiatus.

Gonna be out of pocket at least until Saturday, so don't send search parties out looking for me.

(Not like you WOULD! At least you didn't that time Rudy Huxtable, Spiro Agnew, Mister Rogers, and Zbigniew Brzezinski tried to harvest my organs for sale on the black market.)


Don't know how I'm gonna manage my football picks over on BadSports this week, but I'll find a way.

Go through your sofa cushions for loose change.

You might find enough to own the Magna Carta.

Why, of COURSE people are bitching!

Those people, of course, seem to think the value of the Magna Carta lies in the paper and ink, not in the content.

And they would be, of course, retarded.

Dammit C-SPAN!

Those of you with a couple dozen bucks to blow should buy this.

And pirate it by making copies for everyone else in America to watch.

Or the Reason Foundation could strongarm C-SPAN into making it free.

Paul/Napolitano '08?

UPDATE: There's a good interview here, but it's not the same as watching him.

Hmm... Imagine that.

Your Inner European is Dutch!

Open minded and tolerant. You're up for just about anything.

Who's Your Inner European?

While sharing an apartment or two . . .

. . . Kevin and I instituted a rule that the toilet seat must be left UP after use. There is, after all, no objective reason that down is better.

This caused much consternation to one of his groupies, a Mister Apfel.

The Science Creative Quarterly agrees with our position.

Discussion and conclusionsFor “mankind”, the analysis in this paper has the following appeal: Once again, it has been found that the social norm of leaving the toilet seat down is inefficient; hence, “mankind” may feel vindicated.

For “womankind”, the analysis in this paper is appealing for the following reason: It has been shown that the social norm of leaving the seat down is a trembling-hand perfect equilibrium. Hence, this norm is not likely to go away, at least in the near future.

[H/T 2 Dynamist.]

Can we come up with some other word for this besides "ban"?

Policy Guy points out a smoking "ban" I support.

...while governments should refrain from saying "Joe, you can't let people smoke in your bar," Joe is free to say "I don't want you to smoke in my bar." Nobody has a right to smoke in a private establishment.

On the other hand, Joe is free to ban smoking in his establishment, and his motives (financial gain, personal preference, etc.) make no difference.

People in one Michigan resort area will now be able to enjoy a smoke-free environment, if that's what they want. Crystal Mountain will ban smoking in most places on its property, which offers golf in the summer and alpine sports in the winter.

Of course, I would also support a competing business that REQUIRES patrons to smoke.

Cause and effect?

We wonder why American political debate is devolving into dumbed-down soundbites.

Could the reason be that a soundbite is all that will fit on signs of the approved size?

Zoning for such homes allows temporary signs no more than 12 square feet. The city allows only temporary signs advocating a candidate to be in place within 60 days of an election, which will be Dec. 7 for Feb. 5 primary.

Joe Gooden, the city's zoning administrator, said the size instead of the timing of the signs was made an issue in the notices because, with the hearing process, if a property owner fought to keep a sign up, the case probably wouldn't be resolved until the allowed period.

12 square feet. That's 3 by 4, 2 by 6, or 1 by 12.

In order for the print to be large enough to be seen from the road, which is clearly the point of yard signs, how deep can the discussion be?

And so the "CHOOSE LIFE"s, the "PRO CHOICE"s, the "FOR OUR CHILDREN"s and the "NO BLOOD FOR OIL"s muscle out the Declarations of the Rights of Man, the "When in the course of human events"es and the "A society that rewards failure and punishes success is doomed to fail"s.

Mindless Slogans 1, Involved Policy Discussion 0.

Is it any wonder the Democrats took over Congress?

A couple of suggestions for people in this position:

1. Think Burma Shave.
2. You can fit more on a 6-inch by 24-foot sign than you can on a 1-foot by 12-feet one.

Ron Paul Thanksgiving.

What's John Edwards doing on Thanksgiving? How about Hillary?

Here's what the Ron Paul army's planning:

Please join in this grassroots movement and spend the days before Thanksgiving collecting canned goods on Ron Paul's behalf. On November 21, the day before Thanksgiving, thousands of Ron Paul Meetup Groups across the country will deliver the food they've collected to a local foodbank (affiliated with America's Second Harvest) in Ron Paul's name.

Good idea; I just don't know how effective it will be at spreading the word. After all, Americans' attention will be elsewhere, on family and football and fried feathered fowl.

Not to mention the horrid parades.

So I don't know how much media attention this will generate, especially considering the skeleton crews most newsrooms run on Thanksgiving.

But if it's your Good Deed for the Day, and not entirely a publicity stunt, go for it, it's a good cause.

Mike Huckabee: Please PLEASE send me a tax hike to sign!

Note that the idea of cutting spending never crosses his mind.

Another one of those questions which plague me.

What happened to Milton after Office Space?

Maybe he changed his name to Gerald A. Rocchi.

I sat in Dairy Queen yesterday . . .

. . . eating my Chicken Strip Basket with Hickory BBQ Sauce and sipping my Dr. Pepper, looking out the window at the traffic going by, which periodically stopped at the traffic light.

Just on the edge of my field of vision, which was partially obstructed by the edge of the window, there was a big, chartered-looking bus. I could only read the first two letters of the gigantic word printed on it's side.

"HO".

I wondered what it could be.

The light changed, and as the bus pulled forward, one by one the rest of the letters came into view.

"T"
"A"
"R"
"D".

Electric Company-style, I put the word together.

"Ho. Tard."
"Ho-Tard."
"HOTARD!"

It was at that moment I deduced it must be Paris Hilton's tour bus.

In the next moment, my future was irretrievably altered.

Because deep down inside, you know that now I just HAVE to start nominating and awarding Ho-Tards of the Month!

Song of the Day: They survive as soldiers of fortune.

I am nostalgic about Tom Hanna's covers.

Is it just me, or does the spoken-word intro sound a lot like CW McCall?

So it's a little late.

Three years late, to be exact.

But I can't let this one pass.

Shouldn't an article on the 15th anniversary of the Normal Heart controversy at then-SMSU mention somewhere the arson?

Apparently, Hillary hasn't learned the lessons of 2004.

"I was for licenses for illegal aliens before I was against them."

I can't wait for the convention and the sequel to Go Balloons.

[H/T 2 Drudge.]

Which reminds me . . .

. . . I never got around to announcing the Douchebag of the Month Award winner for October.

Congratulations, Patrolman Patrick Gillman, you are the October '07 Douchebag of the Month!

Douchebag of the Month nominee: Warren Buffett.

Two questions, Warren:

If you don't think you're paying enough in taxes, what is stopping you from taking out your checkbook and writing Uncle Sam a big, fat check?

Why isn't that your solution, instead of advocating raising taxes on you AND OTHER PEOPLE?

[H/T 2 Drudge.]

Quote of the Day/ Another sad commentary on America.

Advocates hope someday for an all out ban on window blind cords.

Here's an idea -- don't put the crib near the blinds.

Here's another idea -- cut off the cords high enough that the baby can't reach.

Here's another idea -- CHOOSE to replace your blinds with cordless ones when you have a baby.

And finally, perhaps the best idea of all -- WATCH THE BABY SO IT DOESN'T GET INTO SUCH THINGS.

Jesus, when did American people get so ban-happy?

How do you like your crab salad?

Leaded or unleaded?

Shouldn't the FDA and the EPA be on this?

I ask again . . .

. . . and I will continue to periodically ask until I get a legitimate answer.

Whose rights, and indeed what rights, are violated by human cloning in and of itself?

I WOULD request one of these . . .

. . . free quick-dry Marines T-shirts.

But I envision a couple of months from now, a midnight knock at more door would come.

And when I answered it, a couple of burly thicknecks would drag me off and scold me that I should have read the fine print more closely because I am now the property of Uncle Sam.

"Did you enjoy your T-shirt, enlistee?"

But even then, I might request it if the hot Marine in the picture came (don't say "on!" Whatever you do, don't say "on"!) with the shirt.

But that probably wouldn't happen. So I'll pass.

P.S. "Musician Opportunities?"

Song of the Day: Best Bad Movie EVER!

Why is that man petting an artificial cat?

And where did the mom get her spooky mind powers to move the mouse and click without moving her hand?

How much does it cost in Boston to fight and win a case about a $100 ticket?

$275, nonrefundable.

Peter Gelzinis says a certain Mormon presidential candidate is at least partially responsible.

Big Dig moneypit deathtraps and predatory ticketing. I don't want Mitt to do for America what he did for Massachusetts.

Health Nazis Target Santa Claus.

When they pry my cold, dead fingers from the voting lever.

Intellectual Neanderthal Lou Dobbs hinting at run for President.

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

Still not voting for him . . .

. . . but you gotta admire Tancredo for having the balls to point out the Terrorist Elephant in the Illegal Immigration Debate Room when nobody else will.



[H/T 2 the morons at TPM.]

Song of the Day: And the seals they sing now.

Free pub.

These are the questions which plague me.

1. Is it wrong to use a cellphone tower as a deer stand?

2. Where does the Red Brick Road go?

Quote of the Day.

He determined it was a bear because of all the bear hair inside.

Also good for really small Mexicans.

A German village is building a foot-high wall around its boundary - to keep out millipedes.

I wonder if there's a tiny millipede Reagan standing at the millipede Brandenberg Gates demanding that millipede Gorbachev tear down this millipede wall.

I bet that if you dig deep enough, somewhere, somehow, the American taxpayer is being forced to fund this.

I bet his va-jay-jay's sore.

‘Father of aerobics’ gives birth to town.

Now what the hell kind of headline is that? Is the New York Times News Service hiring people straight out of the Missouri State University Journalism Department (which, by the way, produces headline writers that think that art can feel)?

A whole town? Does that include the buildings and infrastructure, or just the population?

Either way, I bet his va-jay-jay's all stretched out and droopy.

UPDATE: See also, the tale of a family being horrified about the impending death of a swallowed toy.

I'm sure there'll be a place for him in the Hillary Administration.

'Robin Hood' Banker Jailed for Fraud

A former bank executive who was said to have "Robin Hood" mentality has been sentenced to 41 months in federal prison for taking money from some accounts and repaying others, as well as pocketing some of the money for himself.

But isn't that what government does when IT redistributes the wealth? There will always be money skimmed off the top when entity A takes money from entity B to give to entity C. They give it benign sounding names like "administration fee," or "the cost of bureaucracy," but it's more honestly referred to as the "cut." And the more of a cut entity A gets for taking entity B's money, the more of entity B's money entity A wants to forcibly redistribute.

And it's just as much theft when the government is "entity A" as when the Robin Hood Banker is.

Question: Why do they call it "redistribution of wealth" and not the more accurate "redistribution of poverty"?

I'm such a good person.

Over the weekend, Dollar General was running an amazing clearance sale. $5.00 men's belts were selling for a dime apiece.

I bought twenty of them and donated them to the local Goodwill-type free store (Original $5.00 pricetags still on, of course.) The poor can't smoke, drink, or inject the belts, so I know that if they get them, it will be for some legitimate purpose, like keeping their designer jeans up.

In so doing, I earned a few brownie points with God/Santa Claus.

And in spending $2.00, I kept the government from getting more than $6.00 in the sales tax they would have gotten if the poor had to buy the belts at full price.

I did a hundred bucks worth of good for the poor for $2.00. They should put me in charge of the federal government.

Just one big ol' soft & cuddly altruistic elf; that's me!

Song of the Day Doubleshot.

No way in Hell.

This is what they come up with?

	John McCain Score: 52	Agree Taxes Stem-Cell Research Health Care Social Security Line-Item Veto Energy Marriage Death Penalty	Disagree Iraq Immigration Abortion
-- Take the Quiz! --

Bullshit. I would vote for almost any other candidate over this bastard.

Oh, what a difference an I makes.

When I first saw this, I thought it said "Visual Rectal Workshop at Mad Cow Festival 2007."

Remember, kiddies, in Brave 1984 Anthem, "I" is forbidden.

I keep hoping this is one of those fake news satire sites.

You know, like the one that says Brad Pitt died today in a fall on the set of his new movie.

But looking around the rest of the articles, it seems to be a legitimate news site.

San Francisco Uses Eminent Domain to Build Pot Farm.

Has the world gone totally f***ing insane?

UPDATE: I'm not the only one who's noticed.

Hide the pointy latex ear prosthetics.

And make Winona Ryder empty her purse every time she leaves the set of Star Trek XI.

Hawks . . . or PTERODACTYLS???

Maybe Thunderbirds.

Because apparently horses are acrophobic.

Illinois moves to ban double-decker horse trailers.

Sigh.

Looks like somebody's gonna get to be Bernie Kerik's prison bitch.

Lucky bastard.

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

Why the disparity?

Multiblogger Kevin wonders over at Ten Second News why the disparity exists between Ron Paul's Internet popularity and real-world poll numbers, and partially explains it.

A couple of other reasons I can think of include the undeniable fact that many of the "real-world" polls don't even include Ron Paul. They artificially limit your choices in the primary to Romney, Giuliani, sometimes McCain and/or Thompson, and once in awhile Huckabee. Dr. Paul can't have a very high poll showing if he's not included in the polls, now can he? The "real-world" polls don't seem to be any realer than the virtual polls.

Another reason is that many of Ron Paul's supporters are technogeeks who don't have landlines. Surveys don't call cellphones, so it's not surprising that candidates with less technosavvy supporters are over-represented.

Song of the Day: Actually, this should be for tomorrow . . .

. . . but I have a feeling I won't be posting tomorrow.



Happy Sadie Hawkins' Day, all!

True or false: Sadie Hawkins was Guy Fawkes' girlfriend.

You'd think he'd have more pressing needs.

Thou shalt not use a church's telephone to call a sex hot line, saith police in this Hudson Valley town. A homeless man has been accused of breaking into a Valley Cottage church by picking a lock so he could dial a sex line.

What if, theoretically speaking of course, he used the pay phone outside the Wal-Mart in West Plains Missouri to call 1-800-MAN-MEAT?

Police Outsource Their Cancer Deathrays to Private Citizens.

No mention at all in the article of any required training for the citizens cautioning them against, for instance, pointing the radar gun at the baby for several hours a day.

No mention of any contract that man-hating women would sign agreeing not to point the guns at random men's testicles, either.

Pot to kettle: Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Willis?

An excerpt from a Jeffrey M. McCall bitch about CBS' Kid Nation:

As you would expect if this were television fiction, the kids are characterized and labeled into roles that make for the most drama. One kid is portrayed as bossy, another as lazy and irresponsible, another as a tough guy, another as a nerd, and the floppy-haired kid, of course, is the philosopher. The problem is that this show is not dealing with fake characters. This show is dealing with the lives of real kids.

This might be a valid point if McCall did not, in that very excerpt, engage in the very same labeling he claims to object to. These children have names, and yet McCall refers to them as "one kid," "another," or "the floppy-haired kid."

At least CBS took the time to learn their names.

O, Kalispell!

The city of Kalispell reminds us that a surprise is not always a good thing.

10:13 a.m. A person broke into a house that is under construction in Kalispell and defecated in the sink and on the floor.

Hank Thompson, RIP.

Octogod Girl survives Goddess-ectomy.

Kissing: Illegal in America.

Observation.

If she can't handle Obama, B-Rich, and Koos-Koos, how does she expect to handle al-Qaeda?

[H/T 2 Drudgeypoo.]

Song of the Day: V for Vandura.

No POOFTERS allowed . . .

. . . on Virginia license plates, anyway.

How about BEARFAN?

[H/T 2 Good As You via Kippy.]

Song of the Day: When I get you alone.

Apparently, I am uncharacteristically verbose today.

I tried to add this comment to a Kippy post, but it bounced back at me with an automated bitch that I used too many damn words. :) So I'm posting it here instead.

I have for the most part been spared any meaningful bombardment by the Paulbearers, despite my several unflattering blogposts about their icon.

Part of the reason for that might be that your posts confuse us. Your arguments against Ron Paul seem to be directed at a face-to-face matchup in the general election of Ron Paul versus the Libertarian winner.

In short, you're fighting a fight that it's not time to fight yet.

Dr. Paul and the Libertarian nominee (whoever that might be) are still in the primaries and are not competing against each other yet. And yet your arguments go along the lines of "You shouldn't vote for Ron Paul in the primaries because he's not as consistently Libertarian as the Libertarian candidate . . ."

Those arguments would have some OOMPH in the general election, but Dr. Paul has to win the primaries first for those arguments to be relevant.

What does voting in the Libertarian primary get us? Another Libertarian, any of whom many of us will vote for in the fall should Dr. Paul lose the Republican primary.

So the question becomes, why not vote for Dr. Paul in the primary?

They'll take my lighter . . .

. . . when they pry it from my cold, dead hands.

Interesting that this ban will prohibit everything about the lighters except the actual possession of them.

It will be illegal to purchase, sell or give novelty lighters as gifts
within the city of Pine Bluff . . .

How does the danger lie in the purchasing of the lighters, but not in the possession of them? Is a lighter purchased in Hot Springs and brought home to Pine Bluff somehow less dangerous than a lighter bought in Hot Springs? What if Pine Bluff man goes on a roadtrip with his father, also from Pine Bluff, and stops at a convenience store in Arkadelphia? Can he buy a lighter there and give it to his father there? Must the father return the gift to him before stepping back over the Hot Springs city limits line?

I hate trying to figure out the damaged minds of people who think objects are evil.

Apples and iguanas.

Another one of those little snippets that bounces around nearly constantly in my head is "Answers can be incorrect, questions can't."





Obviously, it refers to pure questions, not questions paired with statements such as "What time was it when you were beating your wife?"

I may have to rethink the whole thing, however.





The Baxter Bulletin has a poll up with a question so flawed that I don't know it CAN be fixed.

It draws a moral equivalency between government and property owners. It supposes that the two are either equally legitimate in enacting such a ban or equally illegitimate.

Of COURSE property owners should be able to institute such a ban in what is, after all, THEIR property.

But the government has no business telling the property owner what he can or cannot allow on his own property.

It would be akin to a parent saying "MTV is not allowed in this house." Does the government have an equal right to step in and say "MTV is not allowed in your house"? I don't think so.

On a barely related note, they haven't emailed me an activation code yet so I can post this point as a comment on their story.

Can someone please explain to me . . .

. . . how, exactly, purple is objectively inferior to other colors?

And if it was, whose rights are so violated that they are justified in siccing the color police on them?

What matters is not the color of one's house, but the content of their character.

Looks to me like SOMEBODY needs to rent Pleasantville sometime.

[H/T 2 NWAnews]

One thing I have always believed . . .

. . . is that in America, you don't get to pick your neighbors.

Don't like the fact that a couple of white people are living next door? Tough. In America, you don't get to pick your neighbors.

Don't like the idea of gay people moving into "your" neighborhood? In America, you don't get to pick your neighbors.

Don't like the neighbors going to church on what you perceive is the wrong day? Get over it. In America, you don't get to pick your neighbors.

Don't like the color of the house next door? There's not (or at least there SHOULDN'T be) a damn thing you can do about it. In America, you don't get to pick your neighbors.

Don't like how the neighbors trim their shade trees? You had the same opportunity to buy that property that they did. And if you had, you could trim the trees there any damn way you want. In America, you don't get to pick your neighbors.

Don't like the neighbors painting cars for profit in their garage? Suck it up and be a man. Unless the fumes are drifting onto YOUR property, it's none of your business. In America, you don't get to pick your neighbors.

This is the root of my opposition to planning and zoning. In America, you don't get to pick your neighbors.

Apparently, the city of St. Louis is not in America.

Beatdown.

Ron Paul has his best day since the release of Ron Paul Conquers The Martians.

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

Song of the Day: It's the politics of contraband.

Hmmm....

Watch the fourth Collider clip here.

Look familiar?

I hate it when that happens.

Some days these things just write themselves.

A dentist was dancing to a song on the radio while drilling on a woman's tooth, and she wound up in the hospital when the drill bit snapped off and lodged near her eye, a lawsuit alleges.

That's even worse than that time Henrietta Pussycat and Adlai Stevenson wanted to make a mansuit out of my pelt!

Lamest Eco-stunt Ever.

[H/T 2 memeorandum and myself, who witnessed the unfortunate incident.]

Song of the Day: Remember, Remember the 5th of November.

No fair!

William R. Van Cleave and JD Crouch get the leftist online equivalent of a WANTED poster, but no mention at all of Dr. Rood?!!?!!?!!???

He may just take his bicycle and go home.

Ron Paul makes Republican field his bitch in Springfield MO straw poll ...

... and there's no mention of it at all on the KY3 site, the KOLR10/KSFX site, or KSPR.

Even the chronically abysmal News-Leader scooped 'em all on this.

As did KY3's red-headed stepchild and Area417.

Still don't think there's an anti-Paul MSM conspiracy? Take a look at this.

Steal Steve Trueblood Blind!

After all, he can't object. He is, after all, pro-stealing.

Trueblood staged a protest at the hotel Friday and might make the protests a weekly effort.

He’s also circulating an online petition. In it, he urges the city council and city manager to take the hotel through eminent domain and find a developer who will “restore the hotel to its original splendor and purpose.”

According to something called "The Wheel Report," here is his contact info:

Candidate: Steve Trueblood
Address: 1113 Columbus Circle
City: Janesville, WI 53545
Phone 608-754-6503
Committee: Trueblood fro Assembly
Address: 1113 Columbus
City: Janesville, WI 53545
Treasurer: Mary Groessl
Phone: 608-754-6503
EB ID: 104334

Give the guy a medal.

Richard Stark comes up with a solution to the eminent domainers:

According to the Jamestown, N.D., Sun, Richard Starke sent an e-mail to the
North Dakota Public Service Commission and said “As long as our (Public)
Keystone Affairs Commission is in their pockets for millions in bribes, and
landowners do not take steps to blow them up with several sacks of fertilizer
and a gallon of diesel fuel, they will continue to exploit us.”

I hesitate to post this.

It may embarrass some impressionable young sign-making cheerleader. But I must.

Tonight the Thayer Bobcats football team plays Miller at home. If Thayer wins, it will have been an undefeated regular season for them.

As a result, many in our little burg are rather enthusiastic.

Signs have been placed all over town urging the Thayer team to beat their opponents.

All the signs look like they've been made by one small group of people.

It is one sign that caught my eye.

It says "Pounce 'em, Bobcats!"

Not "Pounce ON 'em, Bobcats!" or even "Bobcats, POUNCE!" but "Pounce 'em, Bobcats!"

I did not know the verb "to pounce" required or even tolerated a direct object.

Is this something they learned in the Thayer public schools?

What's really bad is that this is not the first time I've seen this particular turn of phrase. A year or two ago, the team was in tournament play and similar perky little signs popped up all over town. And one said "Pounce 'em, Bobcats!"

Hey, if "to pounce" can have a direct object, why not an indirect object too?

"Pounce Sally the mashed potatoes."
"Pounce peace the ball."
"Pounce the English teachers of Thayer a letter of termination."

Twice in one week.

Another Unintentional Drudge Funny today:

Note to Kevin Rudd:

If you don't want videos popping up of you eating your ear wax, don't eat your ear wax.

'Tain't rocket science.

People SHOULD, however, cut you some slack. It's not like you ate a booger.

It may be worse.

Is New Zealand a town in Kentucky?

Because this sounds an awful lot like Foxworthy "You might be a redneck..." material.

Man With Beer Takes Hearse to go Fishing.

Song of the Day: How many fingers am I holding up?

Bolivar: It's not the THROWING of the eggs that's bad . . .

. . . it's the BUYING them.

Song of the Day: Don we now our fvckin' headphones and crank it up to 11!

(I guess you can see I've decided to try not outdarking the darkness this year.)

Not enough time between the holidays.

I barely had enough time after tearing down the Halloween tree and cleaning up the wrappings from the Halloween presents to get any All Saints Day shopping done.

Whoever decides these things is just a piss-poor planner.

And Guy Fawkes' Day is just around the corner.

Uh-oh. Look, I left a Halloween stocking hanging up.

Apparently, Stephen Colbert is a big fan of Arkanssouri and Gummint Cheese.

Stephen Colbert suggests giving out Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged to Trick-or-Treaters.




Sound familiar? It should.

Take a look at a Gummint Cheese strip from last year:



Near-plagiarism is the sincerest form of flattery, I guess.

To make it up to me, I expect Stephen to name me his running mate. I've even got my own campaign song.