The Arkanssouri Blog.: 04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005

Friday, April 29, 2005

The Puffington Host.

Here's my new project. I'm looking to add team members, so let me know if you want to be a part of it.

I envision it as a group alternablog to the Huffington Post. The more members, the better. Just no agreeing with the Republicans on social issues and no agreeing with the Democrats on economic issues. :)

It'll cover politainment and the city of Washingwood. Lots of smartassy stuff about puffed-up actors and puffed-up politicians.

Dennis? Knappster? Anyone else want in on this?

Wednesday, April 27, 2005


Did The South Missourian News get tired of me picking apart their mistakes?

Their online edition says it's April 27th.

But the most current story I can find posted there is from 3/17/05.

Have they given up? Don't they realize I can still act as Shadow Editor of their print edition?

But just for old time's sake, let's take a look through the archives.

Oh, here we go.

Thayer teachers receives TEAM award .

Perhaps these Thayer teachers should give a lesson or two to the newspaper staff about grammar and headlines.

Christian Family Values,

or, "Thou Shalt Not Kill, except for an unruly child."

If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which [is] as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers; [Namely], of the gods of the people which [are] round about you, nigh unto thee, or far off from thee, from the [one] end of the earth even unto the [other] end of the earth; Thou shalt not consent unto him, nor hearken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity him, neither shalt thou spare, neither shalt thou conceal him: But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people. And thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die; because he hath sought to thrust thee away from the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage.
Deuteronomy 13: 6-10

If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and [that], when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son [is] stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; [he is] a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.
Deuteronomy 21:18-21

Perhaps we need a CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT calling for the mandatory stoning to death of UNRULY CHILDREN! Frist? Santorum? Where's all your concern for family values NOW??>

At least it's not an image of Mary, Jesus, or Elvis.

Animal Crackers caught doing naughty things.

Crackers, as in crackers. Not crackers as in white people.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005


How would Jesus smell?

Monday, April 25, 2005

BBCBS : Was Dan Rather involved?

BBC sends fake hecklers to disrupt speech so that they can report the speech was disrupted by hecklers.

[found via The Art of the Blog.]

Tards, both Re and Bas.

The S370HSSV next door have decided they get to walk across my back yard to get to a house that's down the alley from me.

At first I thought it was just the children. There are about four children between the two houses, none of them older than four I'd guess. I wasn't happy about them using my backyard as their own personal pedestrian walkway, but I didn't raise a stink because I learned long ago that parents think "They're just kids" excuses anything their kids do.

I put up a dog pen to block the point they enter/leave my yard at the alley, hoping they and their parents would take the hint.

But yesterday I looked out my back windows and saw the father of the ones in the house on the left LEADING the little brats across my back yard and squeezing through the small opening that the dog pen can't cover.

Not once has any of them come to me and asked if they can go across my back yard.

This. Is. War.

I now do not plan to mow my back yard this summer, only a path right around the house and to the garden. If they're going to totally disregard my property rights, they are going to get covered in bugs doing it. I hope they get Lyme Disease.

I may plant the border to the alley in cactus plants or blackberry bushes.

And the NEXT time that prick shoots bottle rockets into my yard drunkenly, I'm calling the cops.


The Church of Spongebob is no more.

Where will this fine religion's faithful go now?

I'd suggest the Church of the Subgenius.

Preemptive cybersquatting?

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Catholics Get Their Pope On.

And it turns out he wants to be Pope Benny!

Pope Benedict XVI, to be precise.

I liked Pope Benedict XIII, myself. It had a much better arc of character development and better dialogue than, say Pope Benedict V. And the special effects were awesome.

But I still say the director should have ended it after Pope Benedict III, making it a trilogy instead of a series.

If I ever get to be Pope, I'm going to be Pope Mychal I.

Or maybe Pope Jesus I.

Or maybe Pope Satan.

Hey, on CNN, they said the new Pope can choose any name he wants except for Peter.

Seriously, though, shouldn't pope names be retired after, say, the third one? Wouldn't that be much less confusing? Off the top of your head, do you know what Pope Benedict XIII did differently than Pope Benedict XIV?

Didn't think so.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Ten years ago today.

Story here.

Twelve years ago today.

Story here.

Worst. Poetry. Ever.

I will say it again.

This is the Worst Poetry EVER!

If this wasn't an episode of The Simpsons . . .

. . . then it should have been.

Drunk Monkeys Cause Chaos.

Maybe a crossover with The Simpsons and South Park.

Other Monkey News here.

Guys invent cool stuff.

When was the last time one of those wimmen created something like this?

Insider Baseball.

RSSTop55 - Best Blog Directory And RSS Submission Sites.

Thank you, Officer Obvious.

Police Caution Against Lying In The Road.

Monday, April 18, 2005


Originally uploaded by Arkanssouri.

I like Star Trek, but one of the central premises of the show[s], and of Vulcan philosophy, has always bothered me.

The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one.

Comparing needs to needs in this manner doesn't quite fit.

But then I realized what the statement is really saying is that the needs of the many outweigh the RIGHTS of the few, or the one. Very socialist. Very fascist. Very statist.

Not very libertarian.

Take a look at the new poll.

"Arrested For Recreation"?

Yes, I know it's technically correct the way it is, but I wish that in this headline, they'd written "Re-Creation" instead.

And I also wish that, in the sense of Polishing One's Shoes, the word "Polish" had two l's.

Who is Ted Nonini?

You know that ad with the "Republican" firefighter, Ted Nonini?

I intended to spend the morning digging into who this guy really is.

But it turns out, I don't have to. Captain's Quarters has beaten me to the punch.

Radioblogger listened to the press conference held by People for the American Way and its president, Ralph Neas, as they launched their new ad campaign against a proposed rule change eliminating filibusters on judicial confirmations in the Senate . . . Apparently, Neas bubbled over with joy at finding a "common sense Republican" to front PFAW's ad blitz, hoping it will convince other GOP voters to demand their Senators vote against the ban.

So who did Neas find? Brent Scowcroft? Henry Kissinger? Jim Jeffords? The ghost of Nelson Rockefeller? No! Neas found ... Ted Nonini.

You know ... that Ted Nonini.

Still stumped? Welcome to the club. Ted Nonini, as it turns out, works as a Los Angeles firefighter -- obviously a brave man -- but as a politician, he doesn't have much of a track record. A Google search on Fireman Ted turns up 25 hits, most of which come from PFAW itself. Only one other link hints at anything political, a story from January 2004 where he defends a pay increase for LA firefighters despite a budget deficit in LA. That article lists Ted as a director of UFLAC, the firefighters' union in LA; in fact, Ted sits on the executive board as treasurer.

And here's where the Republican designation makes a little less "common" sense. UFLAC is the local International Association of Fire Fighters union, and the IAFF endorsed a political candidate in last year's presidential election. Want to guess who that was?

In fact, the IAFF endorsed John Kerry, and only after supposedly polling their membership across the country. Only they didn't actually do that ...

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Heh. Heh. Heh.

Years ago, I might have asked a similar question.

Radio host fired over questioning whether or not JP2 got into heaven.

Story here.

Considering he presided over the biggest conspiracy to commit child sexual abuse in the history of mankind and only did anything about it after it reached the point that he had no other choice, I am guessing the answer is no.

Not if there's any justice in the universe.

Gummint Cheese #49

Gummint Cheese #49
Originally uploaded by Arkanssouri.
Click pick to embiggen.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Liberty gets a rare win in Arkansas.

But I'm betting it's temporary.

For the husband, it does.

UIC to study whether beer helps menopause symptoms.

Budweiser: King of Overreaction.

Of the Big Two American beers (Miller is South African), Budweiser is my beer of choice. But they're seriously hyperventilating about something for which the science is not there.

I'll think about that tonight during Redneck Fireworks, when I pop open a Shiner Bock.

Are they sure it wasn't Tony Soprano?

Of all places a whale could go, why would it choose New Jersey?

They did it.

The proposal would allow licensed hunters to kill free-roaming cats, including any domestic cat that isn't under the owner's direct control or any cat without a collar

ANY cat without a collar? Even if it's in someone else's house?

Creative Chap.

When I die, if any of you wants to use any part of my body as a bong, you have my permission.

Or have me stuffed and stood in the corner in a menacing, bearlike pose.

But if you do that second one, I request to be naked.

One of my Simple Observations on a Complicated Existence may have been nullified.

A long time ago, I came up with a list of 101 Simple Observations On A Complicated Existence.

One of them was "No matter how fast you are, after you turn the switch off, you cannot get into bed before the room gets dark."

That may no longer be the case.

Limbaugh or the Rock Group?

Limbaugh or the Rock Group?
Originally uploaded by Arkanssouri.
This was on's homepage today.

I wonder, is it Limbaugh or the Canadian objectivist (sort of) rock band?

If it's Limbaugh, I'm glad to see he's keeping busy. Idle hands are the Club Drug's playground.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Originally uploaded by Wereturtle.

Ooooh ... NOW's gonna be PISSED!

Originally uploaded by Wereturtle.

Vintage advertisement
Originally uploaded by Funki Sock Munki.

Originally uploaded by Arkanssouri.

As if I WOULD.

My fortune for today on MYWAY:

"Trust no one."

A momentary distraction . . .

. . . to occupy my inner child with A.D.D.

I used to have one of these. His name was Rupert, and he'd do the same thing.

Ten Manly Drinks.

Surprisingly, Kool-Aid Plus is not on the list.

Note to Kevin: Neither are mimosas.


Dog Bites Man -- not news.

Man Bites Dog -- news.

So what is Horse Bites Pop Star's Butt?

Life is like . . .

. . . a Beavis & Butthead episode.

And you thought I was gonna say a box of chocolates.

Monday, April 11, 2005

This is my South Park character.

You can create yours here.

Blogging without Fear.

Interesting tips.

I'll have to check out Invisiblog.

Note the placement of the trigger.

Vintage Batman squirt gun.

I bet Jacko's got one.

My Furby has epilepsy.

Actually, only one of my four Furbies is a Special Needs Furby.

(Why do I have four Furbies, you ask? It hurts one's brain too much to think about my motives. Let's just say this post is all the explanation you need.)

All four were adopted from yard sales. The first is an adult, tiger-stripey Furby. The other three were found in the 50-cent box at a yard sale, an adult, leopard-spotty Furby and two babies, one is purple and teal and of average Furby intelligence. Unfortunately, it calls me "Mama."

The other suffers from seizures whenever it has batteries in it. It blinks it's little eyes and makes little fishy gulps with it's mouth and does not stop doing so until I take the batteries out. And for some reason, one of it's eyes has no eyelashes. I think I will name him Corky.

How many Furbies do I need to make the Village People?

The Bluto Syndrome

11th year college student to run for Student Body President.

Food police set up stake out on Sesame Street.

'C' is for 'COOKIE,' dammit!

Gummint Cheese #48

Gummint Cheese #48
Originally uploaded by Arkanssouri.
Click pic to embiggen it.

I am getting SO tired of having to raise hell to be able to do what I SHOULD be able to do.

I had to sic the state government onto 'em, but they've finally let me back into blogger.

I am 35 years old. I should not have to ask permission to blog at the library. Or to read message boards. Or to go onto ebay. Or to view jokes, even tasteless ones.

Or even to view smut, for that matter, as long as I don't let children see it.

When I started blogging, it was fun. But with all the hassles I have to go through now, I'm considering ending it. It's rapidly reaching the point where the annoyance factor outweighs the enjoyment. Maybe I'll become just another casualty of the blog wars.

Monday, April 04, 2005

I am a mental mess.

I've often wondered if I really DO suffer from all the mental dysfunction I perceive in myself, or if I am a mental hypochondriac. Now we have an answer:

Personality Disorder Test Results
Paranoid |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Schizoid |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Schizotypal |||||||||||||||||| 74%
Antisocial |||||||||||||||| 62%
Borderline |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Histrionic |||||||||||||| 54%
Narcissistic |||||| 30%
Avoidant |||||||||||||||||| 74%
Dependent |||||||||||||| 58%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by

They left out "depressive".

Getting to know me . . . Getting to know all about me . . .

Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||| 20%
Stability || 10%
Orderliness |||||||||||||||| 66%
Empathy |||| 16%
Interdependence |||| 16%
Intellectual |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Mystical |||||||||||||| 56%
Artistic |||||||||||| 43%
Religious |||| 16%
Hedonism |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Materialism |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Narcissism |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Adventurousness |||||| 23%
Work ethic |||||||||||| 50%
Self absorbed |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Conflict seeking || 10%
Need to dominate |||||||||||||| 56%
Romantic |||||||||||||| 56%
Avoidant |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||||| 63%
Wealth || 10%
Dependency |||||||||||||||| 63%
Change averse |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Individuality |||||||||||||||| 63%
Sexuality |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||| 63%
Physical security |||||||||| 36%
Food indulgent |||||||||||||||| 63%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 50%
Paranoia |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Vanity |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Female cliche |||||| 23%
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by

He's baaack.

"Carl Edwards shirtless" guy's been nosing around again, only now he's searching for "Carl Edwards gay."

I guess I shouldn't be making so much hay out of this. I mean, it's not like I haven't done my fair share of searching for "Terry Labonte shirtless" or "Roger Clemens gay."

Blurb of the day.

"You can't be sued for opinion," said Felice's attorney. "How could you prove you're not a dumb ass?"

What makes 'hos' offensive is that they exist in a plural form.

"SnoHo" is okay. "SnoHos" is not.

The lesson learned from this?

One hooker is acceptable, but no more than that.

English Prudes.

A sex festival closed because of lack of interest?

Serves the bastard right.

You want the grass cut, you cut it.

It ain't rocket science, folks.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Breaking News!!!


Family's Long Nightmare Over, Say Sources, But Proctor & Gamble Stock Plummets

(ABC News) - Providence, RI - Two-year-old Hannah Haley Whitney says it best in her own words -- "I made a poopy on the potty!" This brings to an end months of anguish her parents have suffered due to Hannah's delayed potty training. Her father, Houston Whitney, commented "While it's true that 'I made a poopy on the potty' is not technically correct, since the 'poopy' was already largely made before she even got on the potty, our joy overshadows her apparent
ignorance of her own bodily functions."

Proctor & Gamble, the makers of Pampers diapers, could not be
reached for comment on the precipitous plunge in their stock prices after Hannah's story hit the newswires early this morning, Confidential sources inside management of the company, however, expect stock prices to rebound in the next few months when her grandmother, Whitley Whitney, is expected to begin using the company's Attends adult undergarments.

Hannah, on the other hand, does not seem concerned at all about the
fate of Proctor & Gamble. When asked by Dianne Sawyer, ABC News
Correspondent, about the matter, Hannah simply grabbed the tail of her dress and lifted it over her head, twirling about and humming "Twinkle, twinkle, little star." Pressing the matter, Sawyer asked "And how did making a poopy on the potty make you feel?" Hannah replied "I made a poopy on the potty!" No other explanation was necessary.

Already off-the-record grumblings abound that it is unlikely she made a poopy ON the potty, but rather IN the potty. The wheels are already beginning to turn for a Congressional investigation into whether or not Hannah deceived America about the details of her poopy.

Tomorrow: Peter Jennings takes a detailed look at the scandal with his two-hour special "Inside The Poopy."

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