The Arkanssouri Blog.: 12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007

Friday, December 29, 2006

See you all in '07!

Apparently, I'm complicated.

John Hutchison successfully averted WW3 with some covert operation that is top secret.
... afterward, John Hutchison asked out a chair then made sweet, sweet love to it.
'How will you be remembered in history books?' at

Thursday, December 28, 2006

One last one before Mr. Hanna goes hatin' on my cheese again.

In a Past Life...

You Were: An Insane Cannibal.

Where You Lived: Thailand.

How You Died: Killed in Battle.

Do I have a friend named Six?

Your Hippie Chick Name Is:


Good to know.

How will I die a horrible horrible death?

Eaten by 7 snakes
Take this quiz at

16 Days 'Til Mr. Hanna's birthday!

Actual braindirtying* found in a welfare school! Honest!

Dickinson High School (I think in Galveston)'s English II Pre-AP is analyzing Ayn Rand's Anthem!

Gold star for them!

*- to braindirty: v., the opposite of "to brainwash."

By omission, the Taliban OKs sodomizing old men.

From this piece:

Taliban are also told not to steal from civilians, smoke cigarettes
(nothing is said about opium) or sodomize young boys.

Equating smoking cigarettes with same-sex child rape?

There's gotta be a "fag" joke in there somewhere.

Kamikazee Flipper!

I'm guessing this woman won't be so concerned that in the future her tuna will be dolphin-safe.

I estimate the value of space on Sydnor Thompson's car bumper at $250K...

... so he (or is it she?) had better not be putting any Jackass Party bumper stickers on it.

[H/T 2 Drudge.]

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

What Tiny got for Boxing Day.

I got him one of those Dog Toy stocking things, similar to this one. Only Tiny's was all purple, with a plush squeaky bear, a soccer ball, a couple of rubber squeakies, and a two-sided brush (all purple.)

And since it was bought on Boxing Day, it cost me 50% less than it would have had I bought it before Boxing Day.

Take that, Christmafascists!

That can't be sanitary.

Just what everyone needs, a swap-meet kidney.

I knew they were brainwashing children in the welfare schools . . .

. . . but I had no idea the Disciples of Gore were this blatant.

17 Days 'Til Tom Hanna's Birthday!

Can you say "Live Pay-per-view"?

Saddam to get the business end of a necktie party.

After which, if this is a just universe, his corpse will be sodomized repeatedly by ugly men with baseball bats and puppets, ground up and fed to pigs.

Which will then make their way to the corner deli.

The 2000 election is finally getting to George.

Now he thinks he's Al Gore.

The Bush administration has decided to propose listing the polar bear as
threatened under the Endangered Species Act, putting the U.S. government on
record as saying that global warming could drive one of the world's most
recognizable animals out of existence.

He even goes on to blame Gore's bogeyman, the internal combustion engine:

Because scientists have concluded that carbon dioxide from power-plant and auto emissions is helping drive global warming worldwide, putting polar bears on the endangered species list raises the legal question of whether the government would be required to compel U.S. industries to curb their carbon-dioxide output.

In Bush's Amerika . . .

. . . stray cats are a federal issue.

[H/T 2 Drudge.]

From Moishe Foxworthy . . .

If you wonder whether roadkill is kosher . . .

If you converted to Judaism so you could worship on Saturdays, because Sunday's for NASCAR . . .

If the part of the Global Monetary Conspiracy that you are overseeing collapsed when Wal-Mart stopped offering lay-away . . .

If you are nostalgic for that meshugana show Hee-Haw . . .

If your yarmulke is green with a bright yellow John Deere logo on the front . . .

If you have ever uttered the phrase "Oy-vey, y'all!" . . .

If you've ever asked the rabbi to save up the foreskins so you could use them as fishbait . . .

... then Jew might be a Redneck!

President Ford, 93, Dies.

Unfortunately, I don't have much to say about this.

You see, I have only one direct memory of the Ford Presidency.

It was after the Carter victory but before the inauguration. I would have been six years old at the time.

I remember someone telling me there would be a new President.

And thinking "New President? WTF? That's not supposed to happen. There is one The President, and he has always been and always will be the only The President. They're not supposed to change."

I am, of course, paraphrasing.

So that's all I remember of the Ford Presidency. Everything else I know about it has been learned second-hand, after the fact.

I do think he made the right decision in pardoning Nixon, although he had to know it would torpedo his chances of winning the 1976 elections. He had to know the cries of "Good ol' boy network" and "Covering each other's asses" would immediately arise, and they did.

It wasn't the right decision based on any merit of Nixon's, but it was the right decision in that it brought some closure to the country. I suppose courage is the ability to make the right decision even when, maybe especially when, it's not the easy one for you personally.

I cannot imagine how much worse the malaise of the late '70s would have been had the oil embargo, hostage crisis, and rampant inflation been heaped upon still-ongoing Watergate investigations and hearings.

I do remember things from the Ford era. Everything from paper plates to hot pants was decorated in stars and stripes for the Bicentennial, for instance. But those had nothing to do with Ford's governance.

I imagine a state funeral is in the works, although I cannot imagine it could compare to the beauty and the tragedy of Ronald Reagan's.

But then, it's not a contest.

[H/T 2 Drudge.]

It took 'em six years . . .

. . . but the spammers have finally caught up with my current email addy, mostly thanks to BRECK'S FREAKIN' NURSERY/MAILING LIST GENERATOR.

How do I know it was Breck's? Pull up a rug and I'll tell you.

See, my minions, I have associated my mother with the email address a total of one time. She wanted to order some flowers, and online was faster and easier than via snail mail.

So I placed the order with her name and my email.

It's been awhile since we ordered anything from Beck's, so I guess they got pissed at us, or decided that if they couldn't make money by selling things to us, they'd make money by selling our info to others.

Because about a month ago, the email started getting offers addressed to my mother. A few at first. Now, it's dozens. Everything from mortgages to boob jobs.

Go to hell, Breck's. Good luck ever getting another penny from us.

I'll be changing my email address soon. Too bad; that was a good one.

UPDATE: I emailed this post to BRECK'S FREAKIN' NURSERY/MAILING LIST GENERATOR. Here is their "helpful" response:

Dear Gardening Friend,

Thank you for contacting Breck's. Your questions and comments are very important to us. Rest assured one of our Customer Care Representatives will be back with you within 48 hours. As always, we pride ourselves on our world class customer service and we back all of our plants with a lifetime guarantee.

Frequently Asked Questions:
What is my Hardiness Zone?
When will my order ship?
What to do when your plants arrive?
How do I cancel an item from my order?
How do I process a return?
How do I subscribe or unsubscribe from the Breck's Newsletter?

Please visit often for the latest news and planting tips!

Customer Care Team

Yes, my minions . . .

. . . I survived the Christmafascists once again.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

What if Jesus was a lizard?

Because, well, maybe he is.

Behold, the Lizard King!

23 Days 'Til Mr. Hanna's Birthday!

If you did it, it would be mail fraud.

NY Village Sends Fake $1,000 Water Bills.

A suburban village is sending out fake water bills of more than $1,000 to
dozens of residents "just to get their attention" because it hasn't been able to
gain entry to read their meters.

Europeans are strange.

Cold cuts.

Frosty The Snowman brutally stabbed.

I'm wondering if we're getting the whole story here.

For instance, does Frosty's owner have one of those yards lit up bright enough to land an airplane, and does he leave it on all night so that his neighbors can't sleep due to the light shining through their curtains?

If so, we'll never find out.

Because the media has decided that the image of a ruthless attacker stabbing an innocent snowman is a better story.

[H/T 2 Drudge.]

Is that a trailer down your pants, Sandy, or are you just happy to see me?

Former Clinton national security advisor Sandy Berger didn't just "accidentally" walk out with classified documents, as he claimed at first.

He stole them by stuffing them down his pants.

And then he hid them under a trailer.

Someone tell me WHY this treasonous piece of syphlilitic monkey ejacula isn't in federal prison.

Or six feet under after being executed for espionage.

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

Wasn't that a half-animated, half live-action film awhile back?

Who stole Jesus' foreskin?

Maybe it was the U.N.

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

5 Days 'Til Xmas...

. . . and it looks like I won't be blogging again until at least Tuesday, so here are some suggestions:

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

One of my primary babysitters from the '70s . . .

. . . has died.

Hey, UN! Hands off my pee-pee!

The UN is awfully interested in your pee-pee.

NEW DELHI (Reuters) - AIDS-stricken Southern African nations should develop a policy of mass male circumcision to fight the disease, the head of the United Nations anti-AIDS agency said on Tuesday.

Let me get this straight. The UN believes circumcision equals salvation when performed on males.

And yet the UN believes it is an atrocity when performed on females.

Nope, no man-hating there, is there?

Somewhere, Janeane Garofolo and Hanoi Jane are doing a happy dance.

Hands off my body, UN.

It's not often . . .

. . . that one hopes to have been sent vomit.

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

Monday, December 18, 2006

It must've been cold.

Because apparently, Kevin's boyfriend-equivalent has been adjusting the thermostats again.

Nanny Huckabee says you're going to Hell.

Just for reading this blog.

Governor Huckabee says in a new book that people should read the Bible more and blogs less.

He also proves your mother a liar when she told you no one likes a tattletale.

Because, apparently, he does.

Huckabee says Hope in the 1950s was the kind of place where he could misbehave eight blocks from home, but by the time he got there six people would have called his parents to report his behavior.

Huckabee, the pro-squealing candidate.

7 Days 'Til Xmas!

If "Dog Bites Man" isn't news . . .

. . . and "Man Bites Dog" IS news . . .

. . . then what is "Hep-C Woman Bites Cop"?

I'll have to update my resume.

I've been named TIME magazine's Person of the Year.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

9 Days 'Til Xmas!

What guy wouldn't like a sexy "Sin on Wheels" tampon case for Christmas?

Welcome home, Bob.

Bob Barr becomes "card-carrying Libertarian."

Would've been nice if he'd done it while still in office, though.

Maybe he's gearing up for an '08 Presidential run.

Group Discussion.

Today's discussion topic is a selection from Ben Westhoff:

West Plains' toothless moonshiners have been largely replaced by
half-crazed crank cooks — although its poverty and isolation lingers on.


Extra points for the first to note that the Gateway City has morphed largely into "West East St. Louis," crackhouses and ghettoes and all.

My take?

Mr. Westhoff, I would wager, has never been to West Plains. Certainly not in his *ahem* "research" for this article.

Despite it's flaws, West Plains is growing rapidly. It is now roughly where Branson was twenty years ago, population and employment-wise.


The last time I checked, there were highways that ran to and through the city. Even an airport north of town. Anyone who wants to get there has no problem doing so.

Here, the writer shows his total ignorance:

Other than growing and/or manufacturing dope, there's not much
decent-paying work available in these parts, not since the stockyards and shoe
and cheese factories closed years back.

The stockyard's still going strong, dumbass. And the shoe and cheese factories weren't any more "decent-paying" than the Wal-Mart, the Fashion Bug, the Goody's, or any of the many other new and thriving businesses in the city. True, wages there lag behind those in West East St. Louis, but here's what dumbshit doesn't get -- you can live better on seven bucks an hour in West Plains than you can on fifteen bucks an hour in West East St. Louis.

I doubt you can even FIND just a house to rent in West Plains with rent costing $1200. Maybe not even HALF that. And if you did, you'd sure as hell get more than 3 BR/2 BA!

That's just one example. I could bring up others -- property taxes, groceries, coffee (if you look hard enough you can still find it in some places for a quarter a cup, free refills. Try finding THAT at Starbucks!).

Oh, you'll love this:

Woodrell is asked constantly by journalists why he doesn't head for, say, New
York City, where he might find more intellectual companionship.
Plop one of those New York "intellectuals" down in the middle of the Mark Twain National Forest alongside an Ozarks native, and let's see which one has the intellect to survive long enough to find his way out.

I nominate Mr. Westhoff.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Dude eats seven-legged deermaphrodite thing. Ick.

The young buck had nub antlers - and seven legs. Lisko said it also had
both male and female reproductive organs. "It was definitely a freak of nature,"
Lisko said.


"It's a pretty weird deer," he said, describing the extra legs as resembling "crab pinchers."

"It kind of gives you the creeps when you look at it," he said, but he thought he saw the appendages moving, as if they were functional, before the deer was hit.


"And by the way, I did eat it," Lisko said. "It was tasty."

You'd think he could've gotten a bunch of cash for the thing intact from Ripley's, or the Mutter Museum, or even Bass Pro, so they could stuff and display it.

But I guess he was hungry.

And it DOES take all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent's Fritters.

I say we take up a collection . . .

. . . and pay this guy's fines.

CHARDON, Ohio (AP) - A trucker is accused of throwing iron ore at passing
motorists over the past three months because he was angry they wouldn't turn off
their bright headlights.

Glenn Rogers Jr., 40, of Elyria, told Geauga County Sheriff deputies
that he was mad at westbound drivers who wouldn't dim their high beams as he
passed them on state Route 422 about 25 miles southeast of Cleveland, Sheriff
Dan McClelland said.


The case had been a mystery to deputies until earlier this week when a [BITCH!] whose windshield was broken followed the truck she believed the rock came from and called 911.

So dim your f*cking lights, bitch.

This guy's a hero, not a criminal.

Two words you don't see together often.

"Pudding debauchery."

Not quite "G.G. and the Murder Junkies"-level debauchery, but debauchery all the same.

10 Days 'Til Xmas!

Addition to Landthieves.

Because of this, Centene Corp., which counts the Phantom of the Opera Richard Gephardt as one of it's Board of Directors, has been added to the list.

KC threatens eminent domain in their War On Barbecue.

A perfect example of governmentthink.

Here's the problem:

Some people are melting coins.

Why would anyone melt coins, you ask?

The price of the metals used to make them are on the rise, so the metal content of nickels and pennies is more valuable than the face value.

According to the Mint, each nickel costs more than eight-cents to produce, while each penny costs one-point-seven-three cents.

Hire an accountant, people. He'll tell you that you'll go broke with such value-subtracted stupidity. Maybe he'll also find out why Social Security is going broke, despite the fact that the average person pays in more than $70,000 to the system and collects only $50,000.

The rational position would be to make the coins out of cheaper materials (and, by the way, use modern technology to streamline to process of manufacturing them) so that it would make no sense to melt the coins down.

But no. What does government do?

So the U-S Mint is moving to stop that. They're putting new rules into place that'll ban the melting of nickels and pennies. If you're caught you could wind up paying big money -- a ten-thousand dollar fine. You could also find yourself spending five years in a federal prison.

Why fix a problem with technology when you can issue a ban instead?

I'm thinking UC-Berkeley won't be offering this course.

"The Morality of Capitalism."

Any way we can make this a required high-school course?

Atlas Hugged. Wait, no she didn't.

Two reasons to like A-Jol.

1. The Atlas Shrugged thing, which you know about.

2. She's anti-hugging.

Ange, mother-of-three, is an anti-hugger of the highest proportions.
In fact, she steers clear of any snuggling-type activity and even refuses to cry.

Maybe she IS Dagny Taggart!

Why am I posting on Browns rookie linebacker MISSing the rest of the season with a TOE injury and possibly adding MUSCLE mass in the off season?

So I can do this:

"It missed have been the muscle toe!"

Webb's Enemies List.

Virginia, it seems, is not for bloggers.

At least not those that don't want secret files kept on them.

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

Was this caused by the drop in Hormone Replacement Therapy use?

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

Reader Participation Time.

I need some input. Which should be Nancy Pelosi's new nickname?

A. Nancy "Mister Speaker" Pelosi.
B. Speaker Sugar Tits.

I wonder . . .

. . . in their Congressional campaigns this year, did the Democrats follow the economically liberal philosophy of sending money to the candidates that needed it most, or did they follow the conservative philosophy of sending money to the candidates that deserved it most, or where it would do the most good?

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

12 Days 'Til Xmas!

What do you get when you cross an accomplice with a subsidy?

First, you must know that in Philly, sex between inmates is illegal.

So why is the city providing inmates with taxpayer-funded condoms?

And given prisoners are segregated by sex, why are they providing men condoms but not lube?

[H/T 2 Drudge.]

If the pop-culture junkies can coin the terms "Brangelina" and "Vaughnistan,"

then *I* can coin the term "UNICON."

UPDATE: Well, okay, not "coin," exactly. Unless by "coin," you mean "be one of 722,000 people to use the term."

[H/T 2 Drudge.]

Switch the name of the God,

and the Taliban would slobber all over this video game.

"Convert or die."

Nope; we've got nothing to fear from OUR theocrats, do we?

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

Monday, December 11, 2006

14 Days 'Til Xmas!

Take note, Al Gore.

It is not the internal-combustion engine that will lead to mankind's extinction, as you claim.

It's cow farts.

Please do not ban cows, Mr. Gore. I like cheeseburgers.

You can pass a constitutional amendment banning them from farting, if you want.

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

Put up the Kwaanza Shrub yesterday.

I usually go with blue and silver as a nod to our Jewish friends, but this year I went with Crimson and Gold, with lots of tacky, tacky beaded garlandry and ribbons..

It's certainly not as cold looking.

I wanted crimson and black, but I couldn't find any multi-packs of black ornaments. And buying them at almost two bucks apiece was cost-prohibitive.

Friday, December 08, 2006

The government giveth, then taketh away.

From Brownfield:

The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) has announced a changed rule that will
affect retired farmers with land in the Conservation Reserve Program (CRP). The
rule would make payments from CRP income that would be subject to
self-employment taxes.

Jeane Kirkpatrick, R.I.P.

The American equivalent of Maggie Thatcher has died.

I don't know if she'll get a state funeral, but she deserves one.

Russia Muscling in on New Berlin.

(Those of you who don't know what New Berlin is, check here first. Now, on to the point...)

"We want the agreement to reflect Russia's status as a great space power," he told The Associated Press, adding that Russia plans to contribute technology rather than money to NASA's project.

What technology can they contribute? These are the people who ripped off OUR space shuttle design, remember?

17 Days 'Til Xmas!

Republicans, if you only learn one lesson from this year's election,

let it be this:

They’re going to need to stop scaring libertarian, centrist, and independent voters with their social-conservative obsessions and become once again the party of fiscal responsibility.

Stop! Or my elf will shoot!

Your tax dollars at work.
[H/T 2 Drudge.]

Can I write in BlogHOUSTON?

Here you can vote for "Best Conservative Blog."

I'm going with Little Green Footballs or Captain's Quarters. I haven't decided which yet.

What, no category for "Best Libertarian Blog"? I guess there's no point in an award. Everyone knows this modest little blog here would win it. (Take THAT, Hit & Runners! BURRRRN!)

I see they've also overlooked Gummint Cheese in their Best Comic Strip category. LeBatards. That's okay, though. I create art because art must be created, not to satisfy some need for accolades from the corporate conformist masses.


TIME magazine's Person of the Year "is the person or persons who most affected the news and our lives, for good or for ill, and embodied what was important about the year. "

I'm guessing they'll choose Nancy "Mister Speaker" Pelosi or Howard "Screech" Dean.

Dean's not on their little poll, but if I remember right, the year Giuliani was chosen, there was a lot of misdirection created.

Either choice would fall into the "ill" column.

My vote's for the YouTube guys.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

19 Days 'Til Xmas!

What happens when a Dodge Neon has a threesome with a VW Beetle and a Subaru 360?

See for yourself.


This dude for Prime Minister.

Well, Danny DeVito WAS drunk the other day!

Mary Cheney (whose name the liberal press has changed to "Dick Cheney's Lesbian Daughter") is preggers.

[H/T 2 Drudge.]

Damn censors.

The Daily Mail has a story about the possibility that there's still water on Mars.

I wanted to leave this comment:

I get that we can determine a liquid has recently flowed there, but how do we determine that it is water and not, say, ammonia or rubbing alcohol?

But their word-verification image doesn't make it past my library's filters. Damn.

I hate Big Brother.

[H/T 2 Drudge.]

The only good reason gays shouldn't be allowed to marry.

If Rich Little and Andy Dick got married, they'd be the Little-Dicks.


ABC News’ Teddy Davis Reports: Calling the Iraq war "the worst strategic mistake in the entire history of the United States" and "worse than a civil war," former Vice President Gore urged President Bush to find a way to get U.S. troops out of Iraq ...

The worst? Really?

But I thought the worst strategic mistake in the entire history of the United States was when the Bush Administration (but not Congressional Democrats, no no . . .) ignored the warnings prior to 9/11.

Or maybe when FDR was warned about the pending attack on Pearl Harbor but chose to do nothing.

Or how about when the greedy robber barons were not reined in and were allowed to cause the Great Depression?

Or maybe when Abe Lincoln banned slavery in the South but not in the North, setting in motion a series of events that lead to our country's OWN civil war and the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Americans?

Frothy hyperbole does not suit you, Mr. Gore.

An acquaintance in college once used the following description about some minor occurrence -- "It was the most atrocious thing I have ever seen in all of my life."

I have long forgotten the context, but the hyperbole describing it remains etched in memory.

My acquaintance was young and therefore stupid, Mr. Gore. What's your excuse?

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

I have to wonder . . .

. . . if there was a way the mother could have handled this without wasting tax dollars.

The mother called police Sunday after learning her son had disobeyed orders and repeatedly taken a Game Boy from its hiding place at his great-grandmother's house next door and played it. He was arrested on petty larceny charges, taken to the police station in handcuffs and held until his mother picked him up after church.

Maybe by donating the Game Boy to a needy family with kids and cancelling this little snot's Christmas.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

I thought about "Senator Golddigger Redux" . . .

. . . as my nickname for Claire McCaskill.

But it remains to be seen if she will be as ineffective and clueless as the orginal corpse-rider, Senator Golddigger.

So, given McCaskill's position as a slumlord for nursing homes in cruel, deplorable conditions, she shall henceforth be known as "Senator Ratchet."

20 Days 'Til Xmas!

What's more Libertarian . . .

. . . a working traffic light, or a four-way stop?

That question popped into my head Sunday as I read an article in the Democrat-Gazette that mentioned the fact that driving in Smackover, Arkansas, was safer when the town's only stoplight wasn't working.

Apparently, people will stop for a four-way but will try to outrun a yellow light.

I may have to resurrect BANWATCH.

Long-time readers will remember that I used to have a roundup of what's being banned in America on that day. It was usually accompanied by a lament on the absence of lawn darts in today's America.

Well, the Health Nazis are moving to ban trans-fats in New York City.

Anyone remember a quaint little concept called "consumer choice"?

[H/T 2 Drudge.]

BROWNFIELD: South Korea may have planted bone chips in beef shipments.

South Korea officially re-opened to boneless U.S. beef earlier this year.
But both U.S. beef packers who tried to ship product to South Korea had those
shipments rejected after South Korean officials allegedly found bone fragments
in the beef.

U.S. beef officials, in off-the-record comments, have intimated South Korea
may have planted the bone chips as an excuse to keep American beef out of the
South Korean market. And USDA isn't ruling out that accusation. In fact, USDA
Deputy Undersecretary for Marketing and Regulatory Programs Chuck Lambert said
USDA is asking South Korea to send the bone chips it found back to the United
States for analysis.

If this turns out to be true, the President needs to play hardball on this one. Maybe "find" enough drugs in every single Kia shipped to or through the United States that they can all be siezed via the forfeiture laws (hey, they're used against Americans all the time; we might as well use them for something honorable) and sold at government auction. Continue the practice until South Korea opens it's markets to all U.S. beef. Yank all U.S. aid and troops from South Korea.

In other words, our side should play just as dirty as theirs. By playing dirty against us, they cannot then object to us playing by THEIR standard.

There is no obligation to deal honorably with dishonorable people.

Clear off your desks except for a #2 pencil. It's time for a multiple-choice pop-quiz.

1. Who did more to raise the spirits of Americans during the late-70's malaise?

A. Jimmy Carter
B. The 1980 US Olympic Hockey Team.

2. Who would better understand the needs and responsibilities of the middle class?

A. John Kerry.
B. The 1980 US Olympic Hockey Team.

3. Who has done less to infringe on Americans' First Amendment right to freedom of political speech?

A. John McCain
B. Russ Feingold
C. The 1980 US Olympic Hockey Team.

4. Should the Taliban and al-Qaeda surrender, who would NOT be expected to wear a burka at the ceremony for the signing of the peace treaty?

A. Hillary Clinton
B. The 1980 US Olympic Hockey Team

5. Who has more foreign policy experience?

A. Tom Vilsack
B. The 1980 US Olympic Hockey Team

6. Who has, to our knowledge, never conveniently forgotten that key documents relating to a federal investigation were stored in the closet?

A. Hillary Clinton
B. The 1980 US Olympic Hockey Team

7. Who has never drowned their secretary and failed to report it until much later?

A. Ted Kennedy
B. The 1980 US Olympic Hockey Team

8. Who remained married to someone who sought to censor the music industry?

A. Al Gore
B. The 1980 US Olympic Hockey Team

9. Who, for one brief moment, united the country instead of seeking to exploit the divisions of "two Americas?"

A. John Edwards
B. The 1980 US Olympic Hockey Team

10. Who hasn't paid off more than a quarter-million dollars in debt from an unsuccessful 2004 run for President?

A. John Edwards
B. Wesley Clark
C. The 1980 US Olympic Hockey Team


Who has never stolen highly classified terrorism documents?

A. Sandy Berger

B. The 1980 US Olympic Hockey Team

Time's up. Put down your pencils.

I'm liking this whole idea more and more. If they won't run themselves, maybe we should draft them.

Then the question becomes, who should be their running mate?

Suggestions, anyone?

I'm thinking Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

Monday, December 04, 2006

From the warning track out in left field . . .

. . . comes a suggestion that my muse shat upon my head over the weekend.

The 1980 US Olympic Hockey Team for President in '08.

If Bill Clinton can still believe in a place called Hope, I can ask "Do you still believe in miracles?"

Pop-culture Ayn Rand sighting!

No, she wasn't eating a fried peanut-butter-and-banana sammich with Elvis in Vegas.

She (well, her name and work at least) appeared in Zits this week:

Click pic for embiggened version.

TO THE RESCUE! Here's the update . . .

. . . to this post I promised you.

Mr. Hanna asked, then for some reason deleted, a question about why I pointed to him and Kevin for the A-Team and Snoopy bedsheets, respectively, and suggested that it may have been a nutmeg-induced hallucination on my part.

The following picture was taken of Mr. Hanna's bed in room 208 in Hammons House (which used to be orange, by the way) on the campus of then-SMSU the summer of 1987. I have obscured the identity of his groupie with a Kennedy-rape-trial-purple-dot.

If you can't make out the A-Team pattern, I have helpfully cut them out, enlarged them, and in some cases rotated them to make them easier to identify:

Also on the item the words "TO THE RESCUE!" appear repeatedly.

So, unless one can photograph a nutmeg-based hallucination, such an item did indeed exist. Now, it's possible that it belonged to Mr. VanSant or Mr. Townley, but that raises the question of why Mr. Van Sant or Mr. Townley's bed dressing would be on Mr. Hanna's bed.

Kevin waves (or at least did about a decade ago) his freak flag, or in this case his Snoopy pillowcase, high, affectionately referring to it as "Noopy." I trust I do not need to present evidence that he brought it to college.

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