Today's quote of the day . . .

. . . is a sad comment on our times.

Iowans planning to eat pumpkins can still get a tax exemption if they fill
out a form.

Here are the results of our LAST web poll . . .

. . . which was up for, like, a year because I was too damn lazy to change it.

Click pic to embiggen.

We here at Arkanssouri loves us some Ron Paul supporters.

I've created an online poll that actually encourages input from Ron Paul's supporters. Take a look over in the left-hand column, about halfway down. And vote (once per person, please).

What did I do for entertainment before DRUDGE?

Seen on the Drudge Report this morn:

Rasmussen are idiots.

Why waste money conducting a national poll about a candidate who will only appear on one state's ballot?

Robert Goulet, dead at 73.

The biggest thing I remember about Robert Goulet is that on one of those lame late-70's sitcoms (I think maybe it was Alice), the protagonist of the series dressed up as him and unexpectedly met him. Hillarity supposedly ensued.

Remember, boys and girls, you can't spell "Alice" without "A lice!"

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

Picklular assault.

Here's a case of assault with extreme pickle prejudice.

I hope the pickle-control lobby doesn't get ahold of this.

Who was it that said words with a "K" in them are funny?

Song of the Day: Holy Happyween, all!

Foam Dome In The Foam.

This will never make it onto Song of the Day.

She should marry Lukas Foss.

Song of the Day: Does Rob Zombie do a song called "Cranberries"?

SKWEEEEEEEL Like a Piggy!

One has to wonder about the sexuality of men who would voluntarily canoe the Deliverance River.

What's next, a tour of the jail cell in Kiss of the Spider Woman?

[H/T 2 an emai from Kevin.]

Something else for R to put on his calendar.

R writes lots of amusing things on his calendar, in between stalking ex-girlfriends and printing out articles from sexinchrist.com. See "Fisting and God's Will" especially, which cautions us

"[B]ecause of the intense nature of the act of fisting and the degree of
surrender and submission involved in being fisted, a couple should first look
deeply into their own hearts and pray for guidance as to whether it is wise for
the wife to fist the husband. "

I must remind him that a week from today is Guy Fawkes Day.

Remember, remember the Fifth of November,
The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,
I know of no reason why Gunpowder Treason should ever be forgot.

Free speech not allowed at [S]MSU Free Speech Zone.

Porter Wagoner dies.

Oh, look . . .

. . . the Cubs are undefeated again.

With all their beady little eyes and flapping heads so full of lies.

Mr. Hanna blames Canada.

Giggidy Giggidy Goo!

"Golfer" scores "two holes in one."

Gummint Cheese Prequel: 10/31/1976

Click pic to embiggen.

Song of the Day: Nobody likes working for the Taxman.

Song of the Day: I'm Bernadette!

P.S. Why is the title of this post "I'm Bernadette!"?

P.P.S. Speaking of weird arm things, check out Once In A Lifetime.

Exclusive photo from Brokeback Mountain 2!

In this scene, Ennis Del Mar is so distraught over the death of his boyfriend Jack Twist at the end of Brokeback Mountain 1 that he goes a little heavy on the drag makeup and begins stalking Jack's sister Maggie.

The company you keep.

Obama sticks with religious zealot who has declared "war" on gay people.

Ten to one that doesn't make it on The Situation Room.

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

Fuzzy math.

Looks like Nanny Huckabee went to public school.

Do we want someone who thinks one out of 56 is "most" in charge of the federal budget?

Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy numbers, Guvnah Preacherman!

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

Song of the Day.

It had taken twenty years, but as John awoke from the third night of sleep in a row in which his right knee ached so bad he hadn't gotten more than an hour of sleep at a time, he began to come to the realization that arthritis might finally be setting up around the area where he'd been operated on when he was seventeen to repair his cartilage and stop his knee from popping out of place several times a day.

He sat up on the side of the bed and rubbed away the dried-out eye boogers. He grabbed his glasses and put them on and the world became a little less fuzzy.

He erupted in a loud, wet cough, the kind that annoys everyone in the restaurant when it happens there, but the cougher can't stop. Ten years of smoking since his father's death was beginning to catch up with him, too. But then again, he deluded himself, maybe it's an allergy.

It was moments like this that he wished he smoked in bed, because then his cigarettes would be within reach and he wouldn't have to go all the way into the kitchen to get them.

A quick glimpse out the window revealed a rainy, colorless sky and branches being pushed sideways by the wind.

John grabbed his black shorts and managed to pull them on without too much added discomfort. He then found his red tanktop he'd been wearing the night before and put it on. Backwards. He cursed whoever decided to make them tagless and tried again. This time he got it on right.

He stood and entered the living room. Tiny, his minpin, sat expecting by the door, looking up at his leash. Take a hint, human, he seemed to be thinking.

"You're gonna have to wait a minute, Tiny," John told the little dog. "I gotta have a cig."

John cripped into the kitchen and grabbed the blue box of Camel Signature Frosts from the table. He kept them there because the end table beside his chair in the living room was too close to the space heater to leave a lighter unattended there. He flipped open the lid and shook out a stick, grabbing it with his lips. He raised the blue Bic with the bear on it to the end and spun the little metal Wheel of Fortune.

The flame was yellow and strong, and as he dipped the end of his cancer rod into it, he drew a deep breath. The end of the cigarette began to glow a cheery cherry red as he hauled down the first drag of sweet smoke into his lungs. He held it there for a beat. Then two.

As the first flood of endorphins rushed into his brain, he blew it out. That old, familiar tingle rushed through his bloodstream into his brain, then outward into his extremities. For that one brief moment, he felt good. He knew it would be the last time today.

He tossed the pack and the lighter back onto the table, then doddered back to the living room door where Tiny still waited impatiently. He grabbed the blue leash from the top of the TV cabinet next to the door and fastened the clasp onto Tiny's little collar.

He unlocked the door and stepped out into the world. The bitter rain fell across his back and the harsh wind caressed his bare shoulders like some long dead lover.

And so began another useless day.

Baseball for Communists.

Let's see now.

We have the team that uses a stadium built on stolen property

[T]he city of Denver used eminent domain to clear out the lower end of the city and make way for Coors Field, home of the Colorado Rockies Major League Baseball team.

versus the team that would rather tear down a successful competitor by whining to the commissioner every time they improve their team than improve their own team.

In other words, we have New London CT vs. Jim Taggart.

I won't be watching.

Half Douchebags.

These don't meet the threshold for our prestigious Douchebag of the Month nomination process (barely), but a couple of experiences over the weekend deserve an honorable mention.

Friday night I think it was. My cell phone rings. I look at it in disbelief; it's not supposed to ring. I use it to call outward in case of an emergency and once in awhile to send an amusing text message to R (half of which he never gets). I pick it up and try to figure out how to answer it, because I've never done that before.

I see I have two options -- Ignore or Answer. I almost Ignore, but I think that might send it to the voicemail, which costs twice as many minutes to access as a regular call costs. So I answer it.

"Hello?"

Silence. I try again.

"Hello?"

Another moment of silence. Then a dial tone. No apology for being too damn stupid to dial the right number. Nothing at all; just a hangup. How rude.

The number that called me is (417) 264-7440, which, if Google is accurate, belongs to a Joseph McKinzie, who lives at 315 Chestnut Street in Thayer MO. That information may come in handy.

Then Saturday, I have done a weeks work of laundry and discovered the dryer is on the fritz, so I hang it all up on the clothesline I have set up on the front porch so it can't be rained on.

I go about my business for awhile.

A couple of hours later, I look out my front window and see a white minivan stopped in front of the house. I look closer and see the passenger, a (I'm trying hard not to use the C-word here) woman, has a digital camera and it taking pictures of my laundry!

They speed off before I can get my shoes on and go confront them.

Wisconsin: A[rchery] is not A[rchery].

No archery allowed in Archery Park.

What the Men In Black drive.

I have never in my life seen a commercial for a Chrysler product called the Entervan.

But I saw one yesterday.

And it was black.

It DID look somewhat like a great grandchild of the old Enterprise vans.

But that was a Pontiac product, wasn't it?

Mulder? Scully? I need you.

Entervans are the new Black Helicopters.

Song of the Day: Won't you come?

We should sic Mr. Hanna the ghostbuster on this one.

I'm sure I am SOMETIMES.

I've told this to R, but I don't think I've told the rest of my minions.

Between Thayer and Salem on Highway 9, there is a set of Burma-Shave-style signs. When read in sequence, they promote memberships in Air-Evac, an air ambulance company.

But if you stop after reading only the first sign, you are presented with an important question.

The first sign says,

"ARE YOU A MEMBER?"

Sign of the Times.

You know those novelty police-tape replicas they sell around Halloweentime every year?

The ones that say "CAUTION ENTER IF YOU DARE" over and over, and you cut off however long a piece you need?

There are some of those up at the local Dairy Queen.

Only they've been cut it the wrong places.

They say "ENTER IF YOU DARE CAUTION."

A bunch of Pentacosts apparently work there. The females always wear these long denim dresses.

I don't know if that has anything to do with it, but I just thought it was worth mentioning.

I kept seeing this in the Google News headlines.

But I'm going to leave it up to your imaginations how long it took me to figure out DJ Asian Rice was not an Oriental rapper.

It would have banned women from pooping in the yard.

But not men, apparently.

Farmers showed up in force at the council meeting Thursday night to voice their opposition to a proposal that would have prohibited the use of natural fertilizers in the city limits.

The Elkins City Council put the ordinance on its first reading Oct. 4. The ordinance defined “ non-manmade” fertilizer as any raw, unprocessed animal, bird or fish waste or byproducts.

The ban failed.

Good.

I'd rather deal with rabbit poop in my yard than manpoop.

Arkansas legislators rebuff snuff ban in Capitol.

C & C Bombast Factory.

I wonder. If asked, would Ann Coulter be Stephen Colbert's running mate?

Colbert/Coulter. I like it.

Just not as much as Paul/Gigot.

Early eighties, maybe late seventies.

I remember being in school one day, boning up for the little current events presentation each student had to do periodically. Unfortunately, I don't remember what grade I was in, but I guess it doesn't matter.

I was in the school library, skimming through the paper looking for an article of interest, when I came across a small story about a robot on an assembly line. An automobile assembly line, I think it was.

One day, the robot stopped what it was doing for a moment, as if pondering something, then adjusted the angle of it's arm to a position it shouldn't have been possible to adjust to, and proceeded to beat itself to death/pieces.

They called it the first known robot suicide.

I didn't pick that story as my current events presentation for two reasons. 1. It was too sad, and 2. I knew it would be ridicule fodder for all the future welfare dependents wading in the shallow end of the gene pool that were in my class.

But that phrase stuck with me and periodically pops up in my head.

The first robot suicide.

It tell you all this to ask the next question:

Is this the first robot homicide?

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

Douchebag of the Month nominee.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Patrolman Patrick Gillman.

The single mother of four is accused of yelling profanities at her overflowing toilet near an open window, then shouting profanities at an off-duty Scranton police officer who asked her to stop. Patrolman Patrick Gilman, who’s also a neighbor of Ms. Herb, called the Police Department to file a complaint.

...

Patrolman Tallo, however, has maintained that Ms. Herb was creating a public disturbance, according to a police report. He alleges she was yelling and cursing, using the “f-word” so loud in her residence that she could be heard throughout the neighborhood.

Also, he claims that Patrolman Gilman asked Ms. Herb to “watch her mouth, that there were young children in the neighborhood.” This response, Patrolman Tallo said, was met by Ms. Herb saying “f--- you.”

Ms. Herb’s version differs from that of the police.

She said her neighbor told her to “Shut the f--- up,” and her response was “Mind your own business.”

Note that the thought of going over and helping the woman with her problem never crossed Gilman's mind.

And he's clearly got a power complex. "You curse; it's disorderly conduct. I curse, and because I have this shiny little badge, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it."

Three little words.

Freedom Of Assembly.

Standing around to chat on a busy Manhattan street can certainly create an inconvenience for other pedestrians. But is it illegal?

Song of the Day: Hillary Clinton's campaign song.

They tried to make her go to rehab; she said no, no, no.

On Viagra, no one can hear you scream.

Arkanssouri Public Service Announcement.

What is a BLT without the bacon, lettuce, and tomato?

When is Star Wars not Star Wars?

When it's yet another Lucas scheme to create new toys to siphon dollars from fans.

"The Skywalkers aren't in it, and it's about minor characters," Lucas said in an interview. "It has nothing to do with Luke Skywalker or Darth Vader or any of those people. It's completely different. But it's a good idea, and it's going to be a lot of fun to do."

I was one of those kids who wanted EVERY Star Wars action figure, even if the early R2-D2's had the retarded eye that 1. was inconsistent with the movie and 2. was a sticker [* - see update below] that would not stay on if you actually played with the action figure at all, and just when I'd get close to getting them all, Lucas would come out with new ones of minor characters such as IG-88 (who was in The Empire Strikes Back for, like, eight seconds) or backgrounders in the cantina scene, and even some that I'm not sure ever WERE in the movies. And when he was done with THAT, he began issuing Anniversary Editions! And don't even get me STARTED on the trading cards!

Great money siphon; great way to keep up interest in the films in the decades between Episodes 6 and 1. But kind of manipulative of your fans, isn't it, Mr. Lucas? You KNOW action figures are like crack to them, and you keep coming out with different varieties of crack.

Sounds to me like this series is tailor-made to roll out a new generation of toys with characters that make your existing toys obsolete.

Your journey to the dark side is complete, George.

[H/T 2 Drudge.]

* 10/18 Update: I remembered this morning that it was the body details that were a sticker, not the eye. I was correct in the statement that the eye was inconsistent with the movie. On the toy, it was the wrong shape, color, and apparent consistency. R2-D2's eye was a dull dark blue square with a round glass lens in the middle. On the toy, the eye was a shiny, bright blue circle.

Breach of contract.

From the transcript of Larry Craig's arrest:

[Arresting Officer] DK: Okay. So we'll start over, you're gonna get out of here. You're gonna have to pay a fine and that will be it. Okay, I don't call media, I don't do any of that type of crap.

The meaning here is clear -- you plead guilty and I don't go to the press and it will all be over.

Larry Craig pled guilty, and "somehow" the press got ahold of it and it wasn't over.

When private citizens breach their contracts, even oral ones, even those not recorded unlike this one, they have to pay.

A little late, but I'm nominating Sergeant Dave Karsnia for the Douchebag of the Month Award.

Kiss of the Tsongas Woman.

That title doesn't have anything to do with anything, really, except that like herpes outbreaks, Tsongases keep popping up unexpectedly.

I just like saying "Kiss of the Tsongas Woman." And envisioning a scene in the movie where the gay inmate unveils tonight's supper to Raul Julia and exclaims, in the least butch voice possible, "Tsongas!"

Song of the Day: Sellout.

Once upon a time, this was an anthem for rebellion, a soundtrack for the lives of alienated, disaffected youth and Libertarians.

I was hoping it would be Ron Paul's campaign theme song.

Now, a lame-ass female cover version of it is being used to peddle birth control.



Liberty dies a little.

The Face Of Reason...

. . . is apparently Drew Carey.

Fashion police.

Lawyer wants biker drag banned in courtroom.

It would upset the decent folk, you see.

Cops For Carnage.

Columbia (MO, not Columbia the country)'s police are apparently too busy.

The Columbia Police Department is suggesting that the City Council not proceed with developing an ordinance to make using cell phones while driving illegal in a report submitted at Monday’s council meeting.

...

“We are already very busy with other issues on our plate,” [Police Chief Randy] Boehm said.

Hey, those doughnuts aren't gonna eat themselves!

Song of the Day: This is Halloween

You may have missed it . . .

. . . but hidden inside CNBC's decision to take down their poll because the Ron Paul network is good at, um, networking is this little admission that CNBC's polls are illegitimate:

So there was our after-debate poll. The numbers grew ... 7,000-plus votes after a couple of hours ... and Ron Paul was at 75%.

Now Paul is a fine gentleman with some substantial backing and, by the way, was a dynamic presence throughout the debate , but I haven't seen him pull those kind of numbers in any "legit" poll.

So, yours is not a "legit" poll, eh?

Tell me, CNBC -- if we can't believe your polling, why should we believe anything else you do?

Now THERE's a ban I could get behind.

Kenneth Lee suggests banning bans.

Kind of reminds me of a "tax tax" I suggested to Kevin ages ago -- any politician that voted for a tax increase would have to pay a fee.

Get past the ICK factor for a moment.

Question:

Should it be illegal for a guy to marry his stepmother after his father's death?

Suprisingly, there IS global warming,

at least above the hibachi!

Not only did [temperature monitoring] sites fail to meet the NCDC's requirements, but encroaching development had put many in ridiculously unsuitable locations -- on hot black asphalt, next to trash burn barrels, beside heat exhaust vents, even attached to hot chimneys and above outdoor grills.

...

Soon thereafter, a Seattle radio station interviewed the head of the NCDC, Dr. Thomas Peterson, informed him of the effort and quizzed him about the problems. Three days later, the NCDC removed all website access to station site locations, citing "privacy concerns." Without this data (which had been public for years), the validation effort was blocked. No more stations could be located.

And they wonder why so many don't believe the global warming hype.

[H/T 2 Boortz and Anchor Rising.]

Seen on Drudge this morning.

Nope, no bias there!

Ron Paul wins Nevada straw poll.

So what does MSNBC use as the headline?

ROMNEY LOSES NV STRAW POLL

Ron Paul is mentioned twice in the article. Romney is mentioned eight times in the body of the piece, plus once in the headline and once in a correction.

I guess we know who MSNBC is pulling for.

Song of the Day: Inside My Rectory.

Nanny Huckabee: We don't need no stinkin' Congressional authorization!

"Governor Huckabee, same question. Do you need Congress to approve such an
action?

HUCKABEE: A president has to [do] whatever is necessary to protect the
American people. If we think Iran is building nuclear capacity that could be
used against us in any way, including selling some of the nuclear capacity to
some other terrorist group, then, yes, we have a right...

MATTHEWS: Without going to Congress?

HUCKABEE: And I would do it in a heartbeat."

Looks like Mitt Romney's not the only one Ron Paul needs to lecture to read the Constitution.

Nanny Huckabee apparently thinks he's Jack Bauer. And that 24 is real.

I am not a bug; I am a real person and I support Ron Paul.

That's the gist of this online petition.

To demonstrate that all those online polls where Ron Paul wins haven't been hacked, the author of the petition came up with the idea of uniquely identifying 6000 Ron Paul supporters and sending it to the media whiners who think it's all a big conspiracy.

He's a tenth of the way there.

Go sign.

P.S. Pass it on; that'll really piss 'em off! :)

P.P.S. Do the media whiners have any evidence that the "massive coordination" of poll respondents will not be followed by equally massive coordination on primary day?

Why it's still Winston Cup and Busch Series to me.

Nationwide would rather play hardball with Katrina victims than pay their claims, but they can afford to blow $84 million to sponsor one of the minor leagues of NASCAR.

I'm as big a fan of NASCAR as anybody, but it's clear Nationwide needs to get it's priorities in order.

'Cause from where I'm standing, when Nationwide says it's "On Your Side," it clearly isn't talking to it's New Orleans policy holders.

So THAT's what happened to Joe Camel.

Australia Turns to Camels to Offset Horse-Racing Ban.

Which is freer, Waynesville or Baghdad?

Waynesville:

The owners of a downtown Waynesville fitness center have removed unauthorized “no parking” signs on their building, Police Chief Don McCulloch reported at the Oct. 4 Waynesville Police Committee meeting.

Those signs had prompted discussion at last month’s police committee meeting on whether people could post signs on private property that appeared to be ban parking on a city street, but had no city ordinance backing them up.

Baghdad:

An Interior Ministry official says Baghdad police have been instructed to ban streetside parking in the capital as Sunnis start marking the holiday that ends the Muslim holy month of Ramadan.

Song of the Day.

Question:

Does outsourcing your child abuse to a third party make it any less abusive?

What has happened to Hillary in the three weeks since September 19th?

September 19th, Hillary Clinton called Dick Cheney Darth Vader.

Now, she "acknowledged that she has contributed to the divisive politics of the past decade but said she has learned from those experiences."

Did the Ghost of Partisanship Past give her a late-night visit? Because that seems like an AWFULLY big (not to mention convenient and disingenuous) lesson to have learned in those three weeks.

So tell us, Hillary. What happened to you during that period of time that made you a changed womyn?

Amendment.

I'm amending a previous post.

If Ann Coulter is right when she claims

... when an Arkansas legislator introduced a bill that would prevent illegal aliens from voting and receiving state benefits, Huckabee denounced the bill, saying it would rile up "those who are racist and bigots."

He also made the insane point that companies like Toyota would not invest in Arkansas if the state didn't allow non-citizens to vote because it would "send the message that, essentially, 'If you don't look like us, talk like us and speak like us, we don't want you.'"

then my post from yesterday needs to be amended. At the end of the last commercial:

Another could feature an illegal alien sneaking across the border. He emerges from the Rio Grande, turns to the camera, and says "Ted Kennedy wants to make the American taxpayer pay for my health care with no proof of citizenship required. Muchas Gracias, Teddy!"

the illegal alien would then exclaim, "And muchas gracias to YOU, Mike Huckabee, for letting me vote in your elections!"

Uh oh.

Islamists damage giant rock Buddha.

Why is this an "uh-oh," you ask?

Perhaps a little history lesson is in order.

Somewhere between March 7th and 11th, 2001, the Taliban destroyed the two (remember that number; you'll need it later) largest standing Buddha statues in the world; each were roughly 1700 years old.

Six months later almost to the day (and maybe PRECISELY to the day), the Twin Towers were destroyed.

Was it a coincidence, or was the destruction of the statues a signal to the cell of terrorists in America to begin their mission?

[H/T 2 memeorandum.]

Health Nazis go after Secondhand Drool.

I told you; I told you! But did you listen? Noooooo! They're not even DONE with smoking yet, and they're already working on the next project:

[Arkansas State] Rep. Pam Adcock said she will propose next week a ban on
chewing tobacco from that chamber's floors or committee rooms. Adcock
contemplated seeking the ban during a committee meeting earlier this year and
said she would push for a state law in the 2009 session banning chewing tobacco
throughout the Capitol.

What's next? Secondhand popcorn smell? (Oh, wait; they're already on that one.)

Secondhand cola fizz? Secondhand tea aroma? Secondhand coffee stains?

I hate the Health Nazis.

Song of the Day: What made us think that we were wise and would never compromise.

I hope it's their wiping hand and not their eating hand.

Here's a headline for you:

Iraq: Iran's hand in the Shiite truce

When my eyes first skimmed over the headline on memeorandum, I thought it said "shit juice."

Ewww.....

Suggestion.

Instead of going after a twelve-year-old (who's family DID, however, allow him to place himself on the front lines of America's culture war), how about running ads featuring a 25-year-old driving a black BMW fast, bordering on recklessly, up a twisting mountain road in vineyard country. He gets to the top and steps out, wearing an Armani suit and hundred dollar shades. He looks into the camera says, "Hillary Clinton wants to make the taxpayer pay for my Botox. Thanks, Hillary!" And he gives the thumbs-up sign.

The ads could be tailored to each Congressman who voted for SCHIP and run in that district.

Another could feature an illegal alien sneaking across the border. He emerges from the Rio Grande, turns to the camera, and says "Ted Kennedy wants to make the American taxpayer pay for my health care with no proof of citizenship required. Muchas Gracias, Teddy!"

And maybe in the background, the back end of a submerged car in the river. If you look closely, you can just make out Mary Jo's body-double.

Second shower-induced brain fart.

Republicans -- the War is Peace Party.
Democrats -- the Freedom is Slavery Party.

Shower-induced brain fart.

Was washing my chest fur this morning when one of those random synapse misfirings came up with a question -- If the Village People had happened in Ye Olde English Village, what would their lineup be?

I came up with a knight, Robin Hood, an executioner, and a court jester.

Any suggestions for a fifth?

R Amuses.

R called yesterday, wanting someone to talk him through the stress of looking for baking soda in Dillon's supermarket.

He also couldn't find stationery and toys, which he wanted to use to bribe his nephew into submission.

I suggested that if he couldn't find those sections, he should get tampons and crayons to color them with and the boychild would be just as happy. He could tell him they are airplane stickers*.

Tampons and crayons. As soon as the phrase left my mouth, my mind recognized something potentially special about that particular choice of words. The little gears in my head were still turning when R beat them to it.

"Tampons And Crayons," he repeated. "That would be a good name for the tour if the Dixie Chicks and Kenny Chesney ever went on tour together."

* -- Years ago, on America's Funniest Home Videos, there was a clip in which a woman returned to her house to find her two young children (both boys, I think) had stuck all her tampons onto the windows. When she asked them what on earth they were doing, they both replied "Airplane stickers!" Bad enough you had to videotape it, lady; did you have to show the whole world? The kids are in their teens now, and I would wager both are in therapy. Nothing like embarrassing your kids enough to shatter their psyches, just so you can try to make $10,000.

Song of the Day: Bear with me.

Sound quality (and video quality, for that matter) is tres horrible, but this is the only copy of this I could find, and this was the song I just had to post today.

Same ol' Substandard.

Who puts an "I AM NOT SPAM" checkbox at the end of their comment form?

I am NOT spam, but if I WAS, I would have no moral problem with checking the box anyway.

Lying does not upset the delicate conscience of spam.

And if spam can get past the CAPTCHA check, it can probably get past the "I AM NOT SPAM" checkbox.

If their cars ran on cow farts, they wouldn't have to.

Humongous fuel prices force mileage rationing for Utah deputies.

Officers in Davis County have been told to limit their driving to 75 to 100 miles during a 12-hour shift, through the end of the year, sheriff's Lt. Brad Wilcox said Monday.

Note to self: If you plan on perpetrating a high-speed highway car chase, do it in Davis County, Utah. They'll hit their mileage limit before you run out of gas.

Two sentences into the article,

and Michael Bonanno's shit-stupidness is already apparent.

Last night, I happened upon a 1959 Mike Wallace interview. In this interview, Wallace was speaking to Ayn Rand, the goddess of today’s Libertarian Party[1], the party that Ron Paul would belong to if he had any courage[2]. But Paul has no courage.

Um, no.

[1.] If Libertarians WERE Objectivists, they wouldn't believe in goddesses. And The Libertarian Party is a political entity, not a philosophical one such as Ayn Rand's Objectivist movement. There are PLENTY of Libertarians who are rather disdainful of Ayn Rand, some even that have never heard of her. Ayn Rand herself dismissed Libertarians as "the hippies of the right." Libertarians don't strike me as the masochistic type, so I doubt they would elevate ANYONE who verbally degraded them to the level of "goddess."

[2.] Once upon a time, there was a little thing called 1988. Perhaps you've heard about it, but it's readily apparent this dumbass hasn't. Bonanno should read about it sometime. If he does, he will discover that Ron Paul was the Libertarian Party Presidential candidate. For all the good it did him. It takes more courage to stick it out in the trenches and fight to save a party riddled with corruption than it does to stand outside that party and gripe about it's corruption. He TRIED the reform-from-outside route; it didn't work. Now he's trying the reform-from-inside.

For the offense of sheer shit-stupidness, Bonanno is the first nominee for the October 2007 Douchebag of the Month Award.

Time to take down the Columbus tree . . .

. . . and gather up all the wrapping paper from the Columbus presents. Columbus Day has come and gone for another year.

Why don't Cleveland and Cincinnati get a day?

September '07 Douchebag of the Month Winner Announced.

Congratulations, [Former] Sgt. James Kuehnlein, you are the Douchebag of the Month!

Song of the Day: I Fall To Pieces.

Song of the Day: He said it played a sad song that made him cry.

Prison Soap.

Had to go to Salem this morning.

Stopped in at this little wholesale/discount place and bought ten bars of generically-labeled Ivory for fifty cents.

The proprietor of the place said he had bought 800 pounds of soap from the federal prison in Springfield.

So, of course, I *had* to buy some.

Lame joke about not dropping the soap in the shower will appear in my comments in . . . 3 . . . 2 . . .

NO MORE TURD SANDWICHES!!!

Ron Paul Girl - Register Now! - video powered by Metacafe

Habitat for Humanity using eminent domain?

Buried in this piece about why it's taking longer for Marshall and H4H to build a Habitat house than it should [emphasis mine.]:

"We're certainly not stalling for any particular reason other than people have to understand and be patient," he said. "When we entered into this partnership with the city of the Artisan Avenue redevelopment project, we took on the challenge of building five homes there. This being the first of five. When anytime you are claiming a piece of property off of eminent domain these are the types of obstacles an organization has to face."

Just added Marshall AND Habitat to The List.

See, the ACLU isn't ALL fruity!

Once in a while, they do something that actually DOES have to do with legitimate civil liberties concerns.

Not often, but sometimes.

I am a Nether-American.

My interest in genealogy comes and goes, but I did find out something interesting in the past couple of days -- my mother's paternal grandfather's mother was from Holland.

I knew on my dad's side there was English, German and Native-American and on my mother's side was English and Native-American, and some vague references to me being related to Winston Churchill and Phillip Livingston, which I guess would make me Scotch as well.

WHODAFX is Phillip Livingston, you ask? Only the most AWESOME Livingston to sign the Declaration of Independence!

But I didn't know about my Hollandaise roots.

So when is Dutch-American History Month? And when's the next Dutch Pride parade?

And where do I get some FABulous wooden shoes to go with my kilt?

Song of the Day: Not the Queen of Clubs.

This *could* go in my "catchup" post . . .

. . . but it deserves it's own post.

Someone got here searching for "Dan Dierdorf Socialist."

The mind boggles.

You want fries with that catch-up?

Things will be back to normal soon, but a couple of things about happenings during my absence:

M!E!S!S! MESS! MESS! MESS!

Jesus' mom didn't have a driver's license either, didn't even have a driver; was she therefore a bad mother?

Heard a catchy new term on KMOX last night,describing Elizabeth Taylor's latest gay husband-to-be. An entertainment reporter described Jason Winters' long-term relationship with another dude as "man-married."

Can we have Steve Bartman involuntarily committed somewhere far, far away from Wrigley until after the postseason?

Question for John Edwards: If CORPORATE welfare is a bad thing, why do you insist that CANDIDATE welfare is a noble thing? You're right about that whole "two Americas" thing, Senator. You're just wrong about what the division line is -- there are those of us who will make it on our own or die trying, and those of us who are always looking for a government handout of money stolen from the taxpayers. Apparently, you are one of the latter.

Cleveland police, if they find your door unlocked, just turn the knob and walk on in. No probable cause, no warrants, nothing. No place is hidden from the all-seeing eye of Big Brother. [H/T to "Packing" on the forum boards of the Sandusky Register for that one.]

The first nominee for for October's Douchebag of the Month Award is whoever was responsible for raising James Dean of Thayer MO, for not teaching him to SHUT THE FU@K UP WHEN HE'S IN THE FU@KING LIBRARY! WHEN did people stop teaching their kids that they're supposed to be QUIET in the library? ' Cuz there's sure a crop of late-teenagers coming up that doesn't seem to have a CLUE that that's the case! [I'll announce the September DOMA winner when I come back off hiatus.]

'They come at night and murder the monks.'

Like the footage of the heroic, doomed man staring down a line of tanks at Tiananmen Square, the world will never allow itself to forget the image of the bloody sandal. It will be etched into our collective minds forever, and some day there shall come a reckoning.

Five words come to mind -- "Tack," "Y," and "De," "Cep," "Tive."

Who solicits comments to online news articles and then prints them in the newspaper without disclosing beforehand that's what will happen to them?

Another five words just came to me -- "Un," "Pro," "Fess," "Ion," "Al."